Trouble!
by Ramadiii
Summary: Lily Trager returns to Charming and her brother after four years in L.A, only to find that she might have changed during her time away. And what happens when someone she didn't expect comes after her, straining her relationship with her brother?
1. Home!

Trouble – Chapter 1 – Home

_Author's note: This takes place somewhere around the beginning of season 3, with some minor/major changes. For instance, I love Half-Sack and he will be very much alive in this fic!_  
_PS: This is my first Sons of Anarchy-fic, so if you like it and want a continuation of it, please let me know ;)  
Thank you so much for reading!_

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Chapter 1 – Home

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop worrying about me, Gemma? I'll be fine." I said, the phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder as I stuffed another pair of jeans into my bag. God, I owned too many jeans!  
"You can tell me all you want, sweetheart, but that won't make me stop worrying." The older woman said, causing me to shake my head with a smile, the phone slipped from my shoulder as I did but luckily Julie, my roommate caught it right before it hit the floor and handed it back to me with a smile.  
"Yeah, I'm still here, Gemma." I sent a quiet _"Thank you."_ to Jules who just giggled at my worried self-appointed god-mother. I now held the phone with my hand, so now I was free to shake my head when Gemma asked me if I had enough money for the flight from LA.  
Sure, I may have just finished my bachelor's degree in music at UCLA but I still had enough savings to get myself to Charming, the place that I had longed to get back to since I moved when I was 18.  
"Look, Gemma." I placed the phone against my shoulder again as I stuffed the sixth pair of jeans into the bag, I seriously needed to get myself something other than jeans to wear.  
"I'll be there soon, I'll call you before I board the plane, alright?" I heard a mutter in response and chuckled. "I promise if anything comes up, I'll call you right away, okay?" Another mutter, followed by a small sigh. She was such an amazing woman, how someone in her position of power could still act so childish sometimes, I could not wrap my head around it.

I really admired Gemma, from the moment my brother had first introduced her to me I knew she was someone you didn't want as your enemy. But contrary to popular belief, she was one of the gentlest people I had ever met. She could be tough sometimes, a bitch even, but once you've grown up around a person like that, you learn to see past what's on the surface and look deeper. Making you quite the good judge of character.

"By the way, does Tig know you're coming home?" Gemma asked, and I smiled widely at the mention of my big brother.  
"Did you tell him?" I asked, the smile still on my lip as Julie helped me pack down the last pair of jeans from my closet.  
"No." Gemma replied, almost sounding offended.  
"Then he doesn't know." I smiled when I heard Gemma groan at my answer. "What, I want to surprise him."  
"Sweetie, call him. You don't have to tell him when but just let him know that you're planning on heading up."  
"Okay. But I gotta go now, Gemma." I rolled my eyes with a smile, making Jules laugh quietly.  
"Just take care of yourself, sweetheart, alright?"  
"I promise, Gem. Love you."  
"Love you too, baby-girl."

"Something wrong?" Jules asked when I sat down on the bed, next to my half-full bag.  
"Nope, just Gemma being a worry-wart is all." I smiled at her and pulled her onto the bed with me.  
"I can't believe we're not gonna be roommates anymore." I whined but Jules just chuckled.  
"Yeah, four years have gone by so fast. We make a great team, you and I. Remember the parties?"  
I nodded with a smirk and propped myself up on my elbows.  
"Remember the boys?"  
"Yes! I never would have imagined, with that over-protective brother of yours, that you, Lily Trager, could be such a promiscuous girl." Jules said with a raised eyebrow and a teasing smirk that made me smack her arm playfully.  
"Well, I don't really know how that happened. Must run in the family or something." I laughed and hugged her hard. I was really going to miss living with her.  
The hours flew by as we laughed at the silly things we had done together during the past four years and kept packing my life into the suitcases, until all that was left was my jacket on the hanger by the door and my beloved acoustic guitar laying in a plain black case, on my bed next to my two suitcases and the one duffel bag that was my carry-on for the flight.

"Guess this is it then." Julie smiled a sad smile when we had packed all my bags into the cab. "No more Tinkerbell and Bambi-parties..." A tear fell down her face and I felt the lump in my throat grow bigger. Jules never cried, she was always the positive one, always came with up with some witty comment to brighten the mood, so seeing her cry like this just broke my heart.  
"Come on, Jules. Just because we're not living together doesn't mean that you stop being my Bambi, now does it?" I lifted her chin up with a smile, at this moment I didn't want to leave but I knew deep down that I wanted to go home, so I tried to make the best out of the situation.  
"You promise, Tink?" She sobbed and I pulled her into a tight hug with a low chuckle.  
"Of course I do." I stroked her hair softly. " And I'll always be your little Tinkerbell, whether you like it or not." I kissed her temple causing her to giggle a little.  
"Besides, you're coming down for my birthday, right?" She nodded as she wiped the tears away. "Then I'll see you then."

Jules just looked at me, the tears spilling over again as she threw herself around my neck, burying her crying face in my long black hair, as I tried to keep my tears to myself. This was one of those moments when I had to be strong, if not for myself then for Jules.  
"Don't cry, sweetie." I whispered into her hair. "We'll meet again before you know it." I felt her nod and hugged her closer, trying to print this moment into my memory.  
"Are you ready?" The cab-driver asked with an apologetic smile. I had totally forgotten about him, and it seems like Jules had too because she jerked away from me with a smile on her face, and even though the tears were still falling from her eyes it seemed genuine.  
"Go knock 'em dead, Tink!" I laughed at her positive spirit and nodded before I got in the cab, waving out the window.  
As the cab started moving and Jules quickly disappeared into the distance, I finally let a tear fall from my eyes. I was the more sensitive of the two of us, even though I rarely cried but if there was ever a good time to turn on the waterworks it was now.  
I knew the cab-driver was looking at me through the review-mirror but said nothing, just let me sit there with the tears silently running down my face.

The minute I got off the plane the next morning I called my brother, like I had promised Gemma I would. I told him I was heading home and that I planned on staying a while, which he of course was thrilled to hear. We made small talk while I waited for my bags to show up and once I saw my guitar-case we said bye and hung up.  
I was about to grab the case when I saw a man reach out his hand and grab it off of the conveyor belt, I was about to run up to him to tell him that that was my guitar but when I saw him walking towards me I stopped.  
He definitely placed somewhere in the top-three on my list of good-looking guys, and yes I have a list. He was probably around the same height as Tig, his skin tanned and from what I could tell his arms were covered in tattoos but I wasn't too sure since most of his upperbody was covered by a white T-shirt and on top of it... A Sons of Anarchy-cut!  
I felt myself letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He did look kind of scary but it actually suited him.

"You Lily?" God, his husky voice was so sexy I could have dropped dead right then and there and not even having minded but I kept myself composed enough to look into his dark eyes and nod.  
"I take it you know my brother?" I noticed one of my suitcases on the conveyor belt and was about to grab it when the man once again picked it up before me.  
"Yeah. Gemma told me to pick you up, said she trusted me to bring you home safe." He placed the bag down at his feet as he looked over at the belt to see if my other one had come out... How he was supposed to know which one was mine, I had no idea but it seemed to have worked so far.  
"Well, Gemma has always been a little... over-protective of me." I laughed as I chose my words carefully and adjusted the duffel bag hanging from my shoulder.  
"'A little'?" He seemed to think for a second and then turned those dark, delicious eyes to me. "What would that make Tig then?"  
"A monster." I said quickly. He seemed to get the joke, and chuckled. God, that voice made me think of hot, messy sex! This could only end the Trager-way, meaning in a very bad way seeing as me sleeping around within the club wasn't really something my brother was going to appreciate.  
"This your bag?" He asked me and I blushed as I realized he caught me staring at him.  
"Yeah." He chuckled at something, most likely my blushing face but I didn't care to investigate the cause of it any further.

Ten minutes later we were outside, heading towards a young man, leaning against a black van. He couldn't have been much older than me, he was by no means skinny but he wasn't anywhere near as muscular as the man at my side. He had strawberry blonde hair and the same Sons of Anarchy-cut as Tig and the companion currently on my right, so I quickly assumed that he could be trusted.  
"You Tig's little sister?" He asked as he pushed himself off the car, jogging the short bit over to us to grab my bags.  
"The last time I checked." I smiled and reached out a hand to him. "Name's Lily." He took it with a smile. He looked really sweet when he smiled.  
"Half-Sack."  
I frowned at the name but decided on not asking. If there was one thing I learned from my years being around the club was that some guys were very... sensitive about their nicknames, so I just gave Sack my duffel bag with a smile before my eyes fell onto the beauty parked in front of the van.  
"Wow!" I walked up to the black Harley, running my fingers over the anarchy-symbol on the tank, feeling the butterflies flutter in my stomach as I remembered the feeling of being on a bike.

"You like it?" The tattooed Son whispered in my ear. I hadn't even known he was behind me so I jumped a little when I heard the hoarse voice but turned around nonetheless.  
"Absolutely!" I answered with a wide smile. "It's a gorgeous bike." My chirpy response seemed to amuse him because he turned to Half-Sack, whispering something to him before turning back to me.  
"You wanna ride back with me?" I was going to ride bitch with this sexy bad-ass biker? Just the thought of it was enough for my body temperature to go up and a shiver ran up my spine as I gazed into those dark eyes once again, trying to tell myself about the kind of shit I'd bring the club by doing this...  
"You sure I can? I mean, I could just ride back in the car with Sack..."  
_"What are you: an idiot? SAY YES, YOU IMBICILE!"_ The sex-fixated part of my brain was screaming at me as he continued looking at me with those chocolate orbs.  
"You could but from that grin on your face, I'd say you can't wait to get on the bike."

Oh, God! I must have been grinning like an idiot, and I felt my face turn into the shade of dark-red, causing him to chuckle.  
"Are you really as innocent as you seem?" Now, that question caught me off guard. I recognized that tone of voice, I had heard it many times before and the effects of it didn't escape my young promiscuous body.  
"I'm a Trager, what do you think?" I replied with the hint of a teasing smile on my lips.  
_"What the hell are you doing? Don't flirt with him, Alex would kill you if you went through with this!" _The rational part of my brain was arguing and I felt like my head was about to split open.  
The biker chuckled at my teasing reply, and oh God, that chuckle made my heart beat so hard my chest hurt.  
He got on the bike and handed me a helmet.  
"Hop on." He simply said and without listening to my mind screaming at me, I did as I was told, wrapping my arms around his waist as he started the bike up. I hadn't been on a bike in two years, and I had to admit I felt a little nervous when we first took off but as soon as we left the parking-lot behind us that nervousness was gone.  
The feeling of the wind in my face made me smile widely, the feeling of my companion's chiseled mid-section against my arms left my body feeling sinfully hot and the familiar scent of leather and smoke coming from his cut made me feel secure. I was home.

I was finally home!


	2. Where am I staying?

Trouble – Chapter 2 – Where am I staying?

_Author's note: Thank you everyone who started reading this story! Means so much to me to know my work is appreciated! *Sends kisses to all of you*  
Here comes the newest chapter of Trouble, enjoy!  
_

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Chapter 2 – Where am I staying?

Charming hadn't changed a bit in the four years I was gone.  
The people still looked at SAMCRO the same way they always had, with admiration, respect or just plain fear, and it made me feel special to once again be on the back of a Son's Harley.

It was with great disappointment that I let go of the rider's waist five minutes later, after we pulled in to T-M. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to be there and all but having to let go of him was a downside of it.  
"Thanks for the ride." I got off the bike and handed back the helmet. "I really enjoyed it."  
He looked at me for a second before smirking.  
"I bet you did." I stared at him, the rational part of my mind was quickly evaporating, leaving only the image of him fucking my brains out...

"Tink!" I jerked awake from my dirty thoughts and turned my head to where the voice had come from, a grin spreading over my lips as I saw my brother run towards me. "Tinkerbell!"  
A pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up in the air, twirling me around a few times before putting me down and pulling me into a warm hug.  
"Hey, Tigger." I laughed into his chest, drawing in the familiar scent of family. "Alex, I realize that I have barely seen you in over a year but I'm gonna suffocate if you don't ease up a bit."  
"Let the poor girl breath, Tig, before she actually keels over. I can see her face turning blue from here." Chibs laughed and reluctantly my brother let me go.  
"Where are your bags, sweetheart?" The Scot asked once I had given him a hug as well.

"They're..." We all heard a loud thump, and turned around to where Half-Sack had been trying to balance my two suitcases, the duffel bag and my guitar-case in his arms, which apparently hadn't worked out too good since my guitar-case was already on the pavement. "...over there." I finished with a tired frown on my face. "Sack, not to be a bitch but if you wrecked my guitar I will do things to you that would make you wish you were never born."  
Sack's goofy smile dropped instantly from his face and I could hear the guys snicker behind me as I walked up to grab the case from the ground before he accidentally stepped on it, trying to balance all of my stuff.  
"Let me help you with that, love." Chibs reached to grab one of the suitcases from Sack who looked at me with a nervous smile, and once I had the guitar safely in my hands I shot back a smile to him, making him look a little more relaxed.  
Sure, my guitar was the most important thing in the world to me, apart from my brother of course, but that didn't mean that I had to be a bitch about it and frighten the poor guy who obviously couldn't know that I shared my brother's temper.

We carried all of my stuff into the club-house, making small-talk along the way about how life had been in LA, although I left out the more "wild" parts of my college-years. My brother was still within earshot and his fellow club-members weren't exactly known for condoning "slutty" behavior from a little sister of the club.  
"So how long are you staying, darlin'?" Jax asked me once I had greeted him, Juice and Opie, and was sitting by the bar. I let my eyes travel over the place and was pleased to find that nothing had changed during my absence.  
"Well, until you guys get sick of me." I answered and turned to them with a smile.  
"What do you mean?" Half-Sack asked, causing the guys to glare at him for a second. The downside of being a Prospect, I remembered.  
"What do you mean?" I chuckled as Jax asked the same question again, as if Half-Sack's didn't count at all.  
"I'm planning on staying. I've got to get myself a job as soon as I can, as well as a place to stay but once that happens you'll have a hard time getting rid of me." I winked at them with a flirty smile.  
"Really?" Chibs walked up behind me and put an arm around my shoulders, the bottle in his hand hitting my collarbone slightly as he did. "That's bloody fantastic, doll. Let's drink to that!" He raised his bottle to the air before bringing it back to my shoulder again, definitely not walking on the road of soberness at the moment.  
"Chibs, I'll drink with you, I promise. I just need to know where to put my bags for the time being." I said as I stood up, the Scot's arm still draped over my shoulders.

"We kind of figured you wanted to stay in Tig's room for the night." A gray haired man in the doorway said and I turned around to rush straight into the President's outstretched arms. "How are you, Princess?" He asked and stroked my long black hair as I buried my face into his cut, breathing in the scent of the familiar tobacco.  
"I'm good, glad to be back." He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my bright-blue eyes.  
"So you're here to stay."  
"Looks like it." I smiled and he let go of my shoulders. "But can I ask you a favor?"  
"Sure, sweetheart." In a matter of seconds his kind, happy eyes turned serious and concerned.  
"Can I not stay in Alex's room?"  
I could almost hear my brother's heart scream _"WHY?"_ and I had to stop myself from giggling aloud.  
"Why? What's wrong?" Jax stepped up, a hand on my shoulder as the VP scanned my eyes to try and find what was wrong.  
"Have you seen the women he brings into that room? I will catch something just from breathing the air in there and there is no way in hell I'm spending a night in a bed where any of them have been."  
The guys laughed, everyone but Alex who just looked offended, but he knew that I was only kidding... Kind of.  
"Well, we have an empty room in the dorm." Juice said and this was the first time ever, at least that I had experienced, that no one shot him down for speaking aloud. Probably because he had gone from Prospect to full member during my absence.  
"Yeah, it's not much but it's clean and it has a bed." Jax shot in.  
"I'll take it!" 

Clay got Half-Sack (well, he more or less ordered him) to help me carry in my stuff into my new room, Jax had been right about it not being much but it was mine and I didn't have to share it with anyone. Couldn't get better than that!  
"Thanks, you can put the bags on the bed." I said to Sack as I looked around the room, I wasn't really sure whether or not the closet was big enough but as soon as I got myself a job and a bit of cash, I would do something about that.

"Um... Listen, Lily." I turned around to face Half-Sack who was standing by the bed, looking really nervous for some reason.  
I raised an eyebrow, keeping my silence as I waited for him to continue.  
"I'm really sorry about your guitar, if it's wrecked I'll... I'll pay for it, I promise." He looked sort of cute when he stuttered, in an nervous kind of way.  
"Look, before you make any promises, let's just see what the damage is, shall we?" I said with a smile. I felt kind of bad to have intimidated him like that, but he still should have known better than to handle a guitar like that.  
I walked over to the bed where the case was and opened it, happily finding my baby unharmed. I giggled when I heard Half-Sack breath out a sigh of relief behind me and stood up to face him.  
"Look, Half-S... What's your real name? I feel kinda silly calling you Half-Sack."  
He smiled and ran a hand through that blondish hair of his, his actions gave away his young age and even though I hadn't been around him for too long, I knew he would make a great asset to SAMCRO once he was a full-fledged member.  
"My real name's Kip Epps, so if you feel uncomfortable you can just call me Sack or Kip."  
"Well, if I know yours, you should know mine. Lillian Adriana Trager, formally known within the SOA as Tink or Tinkerbell because of an embarrassing photo that got into the hands of the one and only Jax Teller a couple of years ago."

God, I was never going to forget the day that Jax found that photo of me in my brother's room. Alex had called me Tinkerbell ever since the Halloween when the picture was taken but it wasn't until Jax found out about it that everyone started calling me that.  
I was five years old, dressed up as Tink. My hair was waffled and pulled into a messy bun, I wore lots of glitter make-up and was grinning like an idiot.  
Lucky for Alex though, he had cut away the part of the photo where he stood next to me, a 15 year old, completely dressed up in a Tigger-outfit, pouting at how ridiculous he looked in it. If Jax had found that picture, my brother would have killed him before offing himself out of shame.  
The glare he had given me when I had jokingly told the guys to call him Tig, was one I was never going to forget and if I hadn't known my brother as well as I did I would have thought he was going to kill me for it!

"Are you any good with that?" Kip's voice woke me from my memories and I looked up at him.  
"Excuse me?"  
"The guitar." He laughed, obviously amused by the goofy look on my face.  
I looked down at the red and black guitar then back at him with a bit of a smirk.  
"Maybe I'll show you some time." He smiled at me and was about to say something when Chibs appeared in the doorway.  
"What's taking you girls so long? Braiding each others hair?" He smirked when he saw the embarrassed blush spread over Kip's face.  
"Shut up, Chibbers!" I laughed as I threw a pillow at him that he easily blocked with his right arm. "We'll be out in a few minutes."  
He turned around with a chuckle and walked away again.  
I went back to my bags but when I saw Kip in the corner, just standing there, having not moved since Chibs appearance, I stood up straight and turned around to face him.

"What?" He jerked a little at my questioning voice and looked a bit... sad.  
"Do you think I'll ever patch in?"  
It was a question that I had heard before.  
"Listen to me, Kip." I waited for him to look up at me before continuing. "I know how hard the Prospect-period is, and I know that it feels hopeless sometimes with all the hazings and dirty-work..." I took a breath and looked into his kind eyes. "But I also know that you are an amazing guy, who has worked really hard during his time here at the club, and the guys all see it."  
"How would you know? We've never even met before today..." He was about to start rambling so I hurried to interrupt him, as gently as I could though.  
"Because I can tell from the way the guys treat you. You think this is bad, then you should have seen back when Juice was a Prospect. They were so horrible to him I thought he was going to quit more than once. I really think they went over the top the time when they had him stay out in the desert for three days searching for a supposed meth-lab, and he was too green to argue."  
I saw Kip's eyes widen, and I knew that I probably shouldn't have said that but I just hated seeing Prospects lose their hope.  
"You just have to hang in there for a few more months tops, Kip, and then this will all be but a happy memory... Sorta."  
He finally laughed and I felt really pleased with myself.

"You really know how to make someone feel better, Lily." He said and punched my arm playfully.  
"Yes, well. Thankfully I know how to because my brother sure as hell wasn't blessed with that gift." I gave him a quick hug before heading out the door. It was my first day back and I was going to enjoy it to the fullest with my favorite motorcycle-club!

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That was chapter two ladies and gentlemen! If you like it feel free to drop me a review to tell me about it, it keeps me writing ;)


	3. Welcome Home

Trouble – Chapter 3 – Welcome Home...

Author's note: Hi everybody! Happy Valentine's day to all of you, I hope you're having a great day whether or not you're spending it with someone!  
First of all I'd like to thank purdys pal, LazySmurf247, blondie134 for reviewing the last chapter, totally made my day! ;)  
Secondly: I have started posting pics for my newest fics on my profile so if you feel like it, make sure you drop in for a quick look. In my opinion it makes the story easier to picture ;)  
There aren't many pics for this story yet but I will update with every chapter I post so just be patient ;)

NOW, I will let you get to the reading! I hope you enjoy! Oh, and don't forget to review ;)

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When Clay told me they'd throw me a welcome home-party, I'd had to restrain myself from jumping up and down! SAMCRO was known to throw the best parties in the county and this was the first one where I was actually allowed to have a drink, so you can bet I was excited!  
Well, that was before it actually started. When it actually did, it wasn't anything like I had expected.  
Sure, the music was good, the drinks were free and the guys were all there... But so was all the sweetbutts and croweaters, and before I knew it 99% of my Welcome Home-committee was either piss-drunk and passed out, or humping some whore's brains out.

I just stood there by the bar, totally forgotten by everyone but Kip who was on bar-duty and barely even tipsy. I could tell he wanted what the guys had and so even though I realized it would take away my one companion for the evening, I volunteered to take the bar.  
"Are you sure?" He asked with raised eyebrows. "This is your party, after all."  
I felt a small lump in my throat but hid it behind a small, faked, laugh.  
"Go ahead, Kip. You've earned it."  
He stayed still for a second, searching my eyes to see if I was pulling his leg but when I nodded to the crowd of sluts with a tired smile, he jumped over the counter and made his way over to them, immediately finding himself someone to be entertained by for the rest of the night.  
As I stood there behind the counter, alone, I realized how much I really missed Jules. No matter what we had always stuck together, I had been there for her and she had been there for me but then again, she was a chick. She understood how I felt.  
These were all guys, nice guys (when they weren't having a party of course) but they were still just guys, always thinking with their dick instead of their head. And that's coming from a girl who's promiscuous nature is a genetic defect.  
Speaking of my brother, he was currently busy, like all the others (what a surprise!), with feeling up some long-legged, skinny-ass slut from Luann's studio.

"Yo, bitch! I'm talking to you!" I moved my eyes from my brother to the girl who had just called my by my least favorite nick-name. I recognized her instantly, another one of Luann's girls. This one just as long-legged and big-breasted as the girls behind her, backing her up like she was someone of importance.  
"How can I help you?" I asked, not really in the mood to get into a fight. Not here, and not on my first night back.  
"Well, first..." She stared me up and down, a mocking smirk making its way onto her make-up covered face. "You get me a beer, and then throw your fat-ass out of here. It's a private party, and as you can see there is no room for a big girl like you in here."  
I felt my chest burn with every word that came over her poisonous, over-plump lips. I may not have been a size zero, but I wasn't big.  
I had more curves than these bitches and considering that I was pretty tall I kind of felt like it made up for it. My slightly curvy body had always been a reminder of the bullying I went through at school when I was younger, but I had tried to stay strong. I had never told Alex about the bullying, it was my problem and not something that could be fixed just by beating up a few kids on the playground.  
"Hey, you fat-ass bitch!" I felt my hands tighten into fists. "Does all that fat cover your ears as well?" I was starting to see red clouds clouding my eyes and my judgment, but I was still sane enough to realize that unlike her, I was a stranger here.  
I had been gone for four years and now I came back thinking that everything was going to be the same as it always had?

Without even so much as casting a glance at the long-legged skank in front of me, I walked out of the club-house.  
I felt the cool night-air hit me as I made it outside but it didn't cool down the boiling rage inside of me. I didn't know what I was doing anymore as I walked up to the brick-wall of the work-shop and started bringing my fists into the cold stone.  
My whole body was burning from the inside out, I just kept hitting that god-damn wall, not even feeling the pain as the blood started trickling down my fingers, leaving red splatters on the gray wall.  
Once I was done punching out my anger on the innocent wall, I walked inside again, my numb injured hands shoved into the pockets of my jeans as I made my way behind the bar.  
I was in a bubble, I hated it but there was nothing I could do about it. My body was still getting rid of the red-hot anger burning inside, slowly allowing the pain in my now shaking hands to come to me, almost making me dizzy. As if looking at the world through a dirty window, I ran my bloody fingers over the many bottles underneath the bar-counter until I found the one I was looking for. A bottle of Vodka. Strong as hell but good for my shot-up nerves.

I walked across the "dance-floor", bumping into the few people who were still on their feet as I headed to my room. I felt so empty inside, like I always did after having to let out my anger at something inanimate, like a big chunk of my heart was gone and had left a gaping whole.  
When I got into my room I shut the door behind me before walking up to my bed, gently removing the guitar from the covers before sitting down on them, taking the first stinging swig out the bottle.  
It burned and chilled my throat at the same time and greedily I quickly took another, bigger, swig.  
It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to come home and everything was going to be fine. Going back to the way things were when I left... What a gullible, naive idiot I was!

A knock on my door made my glossy eyes travel from the bottle and to the now opened door that revealed the Son that had given me a lift from the airport. Any other day I would have been embarrassed at him finding me like this but now I just didn't care.  
"What?" I asked, my voice hoarse from the anger and the vodka, before taking another swig of the limpid liquid.  
"Are you okay?" I could see his eyes traveling to my hands and I smiled a sarcastic smile as I raised the bottle to my lips again.  
"Peachy."  
I was starting to feel my knuckles and I didn't like it, the drink wasn't helping one bit... or maybe it was because before I could comprehend it the man was kneeling at my feet, gently taking my injured hands into his.  
I didn't move as he examined my hands, why was he even here? Didn't he have some porn-star to nail?  
"What happened?" He looked up into my blue eyes and I found myself catching my breath when those dark, sexy eyes looked into my drunken ones.  
"What's your name?" I was too far gone to care. I didn't care if it was going to destroy my brother, I didn't care that I shouldn't do this to myself.  
"Happy." He said as I let my hands travel down the front of his cut, under his shirt, feeling his abs tighten at my touch. At some point we had stood up, I didn't even know when but I was pressing my hot body against his and that's all I cared about.  
"Well, Happy... Why are you here?" My hands traveled over his abs and down to his belt-buckle and I could see the lust flash across his face as they did.  
"I wanted to see you were okay." His hands placed themselves on my hips and I heard a gasp escape my lips as he moved them in under my top, his coarse hands stroking my back before pulling off the black garment.  
"I need you, Happy." I moaned as he undid my jeans and threw them aside before removing his own clothes. "Please..."  
He undid my bra and I stepped out of my hot-pink lace cheekies just before he pushed me onto the bed, straddling my hips.

There was nothing romantic about what happened that night, no kisses, no cuddling, nothing. We both had a need that needed to be filled and there was no reason to sugar-coat it. It was desperate, hot and sweaty but it did the trick and before either of us knew it we had fallen asleep, my head resting on his chest with one of his hands in my hair.


	4. Pool of blood and aching knuckles

Trouble – Chapter 4 - Pool of blood and aching knuckles

_Author's Note: Hi again everyone! Our favorite outlaw motorcycle-club is back with chapter 4, thanks to _LazySmurf247, Adrien Hywel _for commenting on chapter 3. Made me as happy as always!  
The pics for this chapter are posted on my profile, so be sure to check it out ;)_

_Thanks again for reading! Enjoy!_

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I woke up that morning with a pretty bad hangover, my head was throbbing as were my injured hands and when I turned around on my bed I saw the naked biker laying beside me, still sleeping.  
I knew I should have felt bad about sleeping with him but I didn't. I was a grown-ass woman, I slept with who I wanted and it wasn't like none of the guys weren't sleeping around either.  
I got out of bed, slowly in an attempt to spare my poor head, not that it worked too good, threw last night's clothes into the duffel-bag on the floor. I looked to Happy on the bed before heading into the shower, getting ready for a new day.

The open wounds on my hands stung like hell when the hot water hit them but I tried my best to ignore the pain, ignore the evidence of last night's disaster.  
Once I got out of the shower, I brushed my wet hair into a high pony-tail and slipped into a pair of light skinny jeans, pulling a white camisole over my head and slipping into a pair of black ankle boots before heading out into the club-house, ready for some breakfast and maybe some coffee to help with the headache.  
"Good morning, sunshine." A tired-looking Chibs greeted from the couch, raising his own cup of coffee to his lips as I smiled back at him.  
That's right! Today was a new day, yesterday was forgotten and today was going to be better. No doubt!  
In the kitchen I found myself a clean cup and poured myself some coffee, ignoring my rumbling stomach for the moment. I just wanted to sit down and enjoy a morning at the club-house, like the many I had spent with my brother all those years ago.

I moved out of the kitchen and placed myself next to Chibs on the couch. He was the only one besides me who was awake and I kind of enjoyed it that way, not having to deal with the whining from all the other guys once they woke up.  
"What the hell happened to your hands!" The hand bringing the coffee-cup to my lips froze. Shit!  
I looked at him and his eyes showed anger, worry and confusion. Suddenly the day felt like it was heading in a completely different direction from what I had planned.  
"Nothing really, it's not that bad." I shrugged but he caught my hand in his, stroking his thumb over a place where the skin was still attached.  
"Lily, this is bad. Did you clean this?" I broke eye-contact and he sighed tiredly. "Wait here." He said, walking towards the dorms and I knew what he was getting.  
Sure enough, 3 minutes later we were sitting at the bar, Chibs was cleaning the cuts and I took the time to wince every now and then when the pain became too much to handle.

Suddenly I heard voices coming from the dorms, and I immediately recognized them as Jax's, Opie's, Juice's, Bobby's, Kip's and my brother's.  
"What are you girls doing up so early?" I heard Alex ask and for a second I thought about pulling my hands out of sight but Chibs firm hold around my wrist made it impossible and so I just took a nervous breath, waiting for the words to hit me.  
"What the hell is this?"  
I refused to look at him, but when he placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around there was no place to safely rest my eyes on seeing as all of the guys were staring either at me or my hands.  
"Those are my hands, Alex. I've had them my entire life." I answered tiredly but he wasn't fazed by my attempted joke.  
"Lily." God, I hated when he used that voice! I loved my brother very deeply but there were times when he scared me, and this was one of those.  
"Okay! Just stop looking at me with those eyes, Killah." I saw him flinch at me using that name, I knew he hated it when it came from me but those cold eyes just scared the shit out of me.

"There was this bitch last night, one of Luann's long-legged bimbos, who came at me for no reason at all and started bashing me for being fat." I knew it was a silly thing to get hurt over but if there was anyone who knew how my temper worked, it was the man who shared it.  
"You hit her?" He asked, his voice serious and cold.  
"In your club-house? I wasn't going to ruin the party for everyone by messing up her pretty face, so I just took it outside... I'll clean the blood off the wall by the way." I saw him relax somewhat but still didn't seem satisfied.  
"What do you mean you wouldn't do it in our club-house?" The question I feared had appeared and I saw Chibs in the corner of my eye, looking at me curiously, probably wondering the same thing.  
"Because..." I felt my voice crack and I hated it! I was supposed to have grown up, so why did I still feel like a four year old in their company? "Because I'm a stranger here, and she's not."

Even though my voice came out no louder than a whisper I knew they had all heard me, and the look Alex gave me made me feel ridiculous. He looked at me with pity.

"That's not true, and deep down you know it." Alex placed his strong hands on my shoulders and squeezed, obviously to prove his point.  
"No one could ever replace you, Tinkerbell. Especially not some long-legged bimbo, that's what you called her, right?" Chibs smiled at me and when I saw all the guys smiling and nodding at what the Scot had just said I couldn't help but laugh.  
"So I see you're still here." That voice was one that I was never going to forget, I remembered everyone who ever called me fat and this bitch was no exception.  
The guys all turned to the bitch and what really ticked me off was the pleased smile that flashed onto Jax's face when he saw her.  
"Yeah, this is my home after all." I kept repeating Chibs words inside my head, I was not going to let this slut come in here and kick me out of my own home.  
"Don't kid yourself, sweetheart. Just 'cause you've slept with them don't make them your family."  
"Right back at you. If there is anyone who's trying to sleep her way into the club it's you, not me." I stepped up, with her slut-heels she was a bit taller than me but I knew from experience that height didn't solely determinate status.

"Listen you fat-ass bitch!" I could hear the scraping of chairs and I knew that the guys had gotten out of their seats but the girl in front of me didn't seem to take any notice. "You get the hell out of my face before I have my man here kick you out." She smirked at what she thought was a threat but I could see the anger boiling up inside Jax as she insulted the girl who was practically his little sister.  
"No, you listen to me, slut." My voice was calm and I looked at her with those same killer-eyes as my brother possessed. "You get the hell out of my face, before I make sure that the only way you're ever gonna drink cum again will be through a straw." She looked at me for a couple of seconds, seemingly enduring the catcalls and encouraging shouts from the guys, before doing the biggest mistake of her life.

She slapped me.  
The burning sensation in my cheek was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my hand when I slugged her straight in the nose, almost enjoying the cracking sound of bones breaking. She fell to her knees the second my fist connected with her face but I didn't feel sorry for her. She deserved it and worse.  
"I'm sure you got my point, bitch. Now get out of my home!"  
It was with a proud smile that I watch her stumble to her feet and rush out the club-house, leaving behind a small pool of blood on the floor and a pair of aching knuckles.

"Guess I'm going to have to treat your hand again." Chibs said, laughing with the rest of the guys as I walked back to the bar, receiving claps and catcalls from all of them.  
"Yeah." I chuckled a little, although the burning in my right hand was killing me.  
"You really take after Tig, don't you, Lil?" Opie said and I just flashed him a smile as Chibs started working on my hand again.

"Look, Lily." Jax spoke, catching everyone's attention. "Last night things... didn't go exactly according to plan." Suddenly the guys all looked embarrassed, even Kip even though I had told him that I was alright with him leaving me behind.  
"You could say that." I didn't really mean to spit venom but I had never been the best at controlling myself, especially not after that insult from the skank, now known as the skank with the broken nose.  
"We got a little over-excited but we want to make it up to you." I saw Juice nodding with that goofy smile of his and I couldn't help but to smile along with him, making all of the guys relax.

"Well..." I stood up and placed my newly-patched up hands on my hips. "What do you have planned?"

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Did you like? Then be sure to let me know ;)


	5. If not family then who?

**Trouble – Chapter 5 – If not family then who?**

**Author's Note: The next chapter is ready! Hope you like it and the pics for this are on my profile so check 'em out if you like ;)**  
**Again thanks to all of you who alerted and added me as your favorite something!**  
**A special thanks to:**  
**Duvet**  
**go4itgirl**  
**purdys pal**  
**Dutch'76**

**for reviewing and brightening my day!**

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"Lil, are you ready? We have to go."  
I took one last look at myself in the mirror before heading out the door, to where Opie was waiting for me.  
This was my make-up-for-the-bad-welcome-home-party dinner at Gemma's, as Juice had called it. Him and his long names for everything.  
I jumped on the back of Ope's bike and we rode off to Gemma's house. We were a few hours early since I had been assigned to cook a vegetarian meal for Kip, seeing as I was the one who had convinced the guys to invite him, and since Opie was picking up his girlfriend Lyla from work he had offered to drop me off at Gemma's.

"Hi, sweetie!" Gemma ran up to me and hugged me, and it was with a smile that I hugged her back.  
"Hey, god-mother. It's good to see you again!" She let go of me and held me at arms-length, her eyes traveling over my body.  
"You've gotten skinny." She simply said as she led me into the house, an arm around my shoulders.  
"I'll take that as a compliment." I laughed as she guided me into the kitchen, vegetables, bowls, drinks and steaks already spread out, ready to be prepared into tonight's dinner.  
"You look really good, Lily. I'm so proud of you, getting through college and all." Gemma said as I started on the vegetarian lasagna, and she was leaning against the counter with a glass of wine in her hand.  
"Really?" I looked up, surprised at what she had said. I wasn't really used to compliments that didn't have anything to do with sex. "Thank you, Gemma, that's really sweet of you."  
"I mean it, Lil." Gemma suddenly turned serious. "You have been through so much shit in your life, just you standing here is admirable."

I had a bad feeling about this.

"What are you talking about, Gem? I'm just like any other girl..." Gemma walked up to me and looked me straight in the eye, casting a very serious shadow over the situation.  
"I know about the bullying, Lil." I felt me face turn pale. "And I also know how it's gotten you in trouble in LA."  
I felt a small lump in the back of my throat. The constant bullying had caused me to lose myself, getting myself into more trouble than I ever thought possible. Fights, getting drunk on school-nights... But how could she have known?  
"Did Jules tell you?" I asked, fearing the answer.  
"Yes." _Damn it!_ "You didn't come home one night, and she was worried out of her mind so she called me to ask for what to do."

I suddenly felt bad, I knew what night she was talking about even though I had tried to put it all behind me.  
I was 18, it was the year I had moved from Charming, and I had been working, illegally in a club, when a guy came up and started flirting with me. I hadn't really paid him any attention at first but the more he talked to me, the more intrigued I got and one thing led to another and I had kind of ended up in bed with him...  
He was my first but I had never told anyone about him, knowing the kind of trouble it would cause.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Gemma, but I was worried you'd tell Alex if you knew." I felt myself redden from the embarrassment and the shame.  
"I probably would have, but I wanted to talk to you first. Know the seriousness of the situation, so to speak."  
"18 was a crazy year for me, I did some shit I'm not too proud of but I've gotten myself on track again When I finished high-school the bullying may have stopped but the anger was still there and so I let it out the same way my brother always has. Getting my ass drunk, starting fights. Sometimes I got my ass kicked and sometimes I won but it always did the trick.  
But I got back on track within a couple of months. I realized that this was my life, that I wanted the best for me and that going crazy wasn't it."

"High-school was pretty bad, wasn't it?" Gemma looked at me with kind eyes but unlike so many others, she didn't pity me. She just showed that she was there for me, no matter what and that was what mattered to me.  
"There wasn't a day that went by without anyone making fun of me." I smiled a bit. Not because the subject was amusing in itself but because of the difference college had made in me.  
"So how are you now?" Gemma started on the food again, obviously noticing that the conversation was getting a bit too serious for my liking.  
"I'm good, I found myself someone to talk to. I was able to work things out at my own pace, so everything has changed for the better. Not to say that I don't have still have the Trager-temper but I have learned so much about myself during this time and even though I get a little hot-headed sometimes, it doesn't mean that you have to go around worrying about me."  
I placed the lasagna in the oven and leaned against the kitchen-counter, sighing with a smile.  
"So I take it I don't have to talk to Tig about this then." She said, still working on the dinner for the guys and I looked at her with a thankful smile.  
"I love you, Gemma."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A couple of hours later the guys had all arrived, sitting around the house talking and laughing, reminding me of the club-dinners of my childhood. The atmosphere was nothing like last night, it was nice and warm and cozy. It felt like home and there was no other place I would rather be than home.  
"So is it true you punched Ima in the face?" Lyla asked as she helped me carry the beer bottles to the boys in the livingroom.  
"Yeah." I smiled, now I had a name to the skank with the broken nose. "She deserved it." I handed my bottles to Juice, Jax, Alex and Kip, while Lyla handed hers to Opie, Chibs and Bobby.  
"Yeah, Ope told me what she did and if you hadn't punched her then I would have."  
"I appreciate that." I smiled at her.  
I had never even met her before last night but from I had seen I really liked Lyla, and I could see Opie's face light up when she sat down on his lap. And anyone who was good for Opie was good in my book.  
"Dinner's ready!" I heard Gemma call from the kitchen and minutes later everyone was seated at the big dinner-table, me in between my favorite boys Alex and Chibs, and Lyla between Gemma and Opie.

"I'd like to propose a toast!" Gemma said as she stood up, all eyes on her when she turned hers to me with a proud smile. "To Lily, who is home at last after 4 years of working hard to achieve her dreams. We're all so proud of you and glad to have you back home." She raised her glass and Alex decided to finish the speech off.  
"To Lily!" He always had to have the last word.  
"To Lily!" Everyone said, some a little louder than others but all with the same warmth in their words. A warmth that made my cheeks turn a bit hotter.  
"To Lily."  
Everyone turned their heads to the doorway, wanting to see who had just arrived and I felt my heart speed up when I saw who it was. My brother had obviously experienced the same thing, even though his was for a completely different reason.  
"Am I too late to join the party?" He asked, that smile making its way onto his lips and suddenly a memory flashed through my head. Him, on top of me, speeding up his thrusts making me moan in pleasure as the sweat glistened on our bodies...

I felt the panic rise in my chest.  
What the hell was he doing here?

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**Cliffhanger? Most probable xD Let me know what you think!  
Love to all of you!**


	6. Feelings resurface?

**Trouble – Chapter 6 – Feelings resurface**

**Author's Note: As always: Thanks to all of you wonderful people who read this story, means the world to me! ;)  
Second, a special thank you to _Dutch'76_, _go4itgirl_ and _purdys pal_ for commenting!  
I hope you enjoy this chapter again, I know my chapters aren't too long but it's just the way I write ;)  
Thanks for reading!**

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**Chapter 6 - Feelings resurface**

"What the hell is he doing here?" Tig asked Clay who just sighed a tired sigh, knowing how this was going to end.  
"Well, I heard there was a party at the Teller-Morrow's residence so I decided to show up, Tiggy." The newcomer smiled, obviously enjoying rattling my brother's cage.  
"Why don't you run back to Tacoma, pixie-boy, and spare us your presence."  
"I would have if it wasn't for a very special someone that I would like to..."  
"That's enough!" Clay yelled, causing the two of them to stop their bickering.

I released the breath I had been holding, quietly so no one would notice. I knew what he had been about to say and if Clay hadn't intervened I would have been forced to myself.  
"I invited him, now sit down, brother. Make yourself at home." Clay continued and I felt myself tense at the words. Why did Clay have to be all about family in situations like this?

The blond biker threw me a glance as he made his way to the empty seat across the table from me. I could have sworn I saw him smirk but I turned my head away from him and started talking to Chibs instead, trying to ignore him the best I could.  
Which wasn't easy by the way, seeing as the entire dinner was spent either looking at me or glaring at my brother.

He looked good, not that I was ever going to admit that, not even to myself but he seemed to have gotten even more good looking since the last time I saw him.

"Lil, we're out of wine, could you go get some from the basement for me?" Gemma asked once dinner was finished and we were all sitting in the big livingroom chatting and laughing.  
I nodded and made my way down to the basement, happy to get away from his staring for at least five minutes.

"I see you haven't told your brother about us." I tensed at the voice coming from behind me.  
"There is no us, Kozik. And why would you think I didn't?" I said, my back facing him as I rummaged through a box that may or may not have contained wine-bottles.  
"Because I walked in here and I'm still breathing." He said, I could hear the badly-concealed laughter in his voice and it just made me even more angry as I turned around to face him.  
"Yeah, well that's too bad." I spat, quickly turning around again, determined to find the wine and get out of there as quickly as possible.  
"Hey." I heard a husky whisper in my ear. "That's not very nice, Lily." His hands placed themselves on my hips and I tried to fight the shiver they sent up my spine.  
"Don't." I felt his hot breath on my neck and I closed my eyes, trying to hang on to whatever shred of dignity I had left.  
"Why?" He let his fingers trace the curve of my butt, bringing them softly over the back of my thigh, chuckling when he heard me catch my breath, trying to keep my knees from buckling. "You seem to be enjoying it."

I was literally falling apart.  
My eyes were closed hard, my breathing strained as I tried to think about anything but the hand that was currently stroking the most sensitive part of my entire body. My hands had stopped searching for the wine bottles and were now desperately clinging to the counter, trying to keep my balance as my legs were starting to give up on me.  
"Stop..." He let his other hand travel around my waist, supporting me as my knees had turned into jelly.  
"Do you really want me to stop?" He teased and pressed himself closer to me, making me moan aloud this time.

He was the only man who could make me like this, the only man who could make me lose complete control over myself and my body.  
"Kozik, please..." I moaned, my heart was beating so hard it hurt and I felt myself losing the little self-control that was left in my excited body when he turned me around and looked at me with those blue/gray-ish eyes that made my blood boil.  
"You can try to fool yourself." He kissed the side of my neck and I found myself allowing him to. "But you can't fool me, Lil." A kiss on my collarbone and I completely melted into his arms that were still holding me close to his muscular body.  
"I know you want me." He brought his face up to gaze into my eyes, those addictive lips moving closer to mine. "No matter how hard you fight to deny it, you will always belong to me."

Half a second longer and his lips would have been on mine, but the sound of high heels from the top of the stairs jerked me back to reality and I managed to push Kozik away from me before Lyla's blond head showed itself.  
"Lily, Gemma wanted me to ask you..." She stopped mid-sentence as she caught sight of me and Kozik, me with a flushed, nervous face and him with a heated, frustrated look in his eyes.  
"Is everything okay?" She looked from Kozik to me, trying to determine whether or not she should call for Opie and the guys.  
"Yeah." I turned my eyes from the blond biker, walked past Lyla and up the stairs. I had to get out of there before things got way out of hand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Lily, where are you going? Where's the wine?" Gemma stopped me as I had tried to pass the livingroom without being noticed, apparently without any success.  
I was about to open my mouth to say something, anything, to get me out of the house but like a saving angel from above, Lyla spoke up behind me.  
"She couldn't find any wine, and since she doesn't quite remember the way to the liquor-store she asked me to come with her."  
I was so thankful I could have kissed her right on the lips but seeing as we were still under Gemma's inspecting eyes I just tried to look like what she had just said had been the truth.  
"Where are you girls going?" Opie walked up to us and put an arm around Lyla.  
"Liquor-store, we won't be long." She reached up and kissed his cheek.  
"At this hour?" Lyla and I could both tell he wasn't convinced but we still nodded, hoping for him to trust her on this one.

"What's going on?" Alex walked up and I silently cursed them for being so over-protective.  
"Lyla and I are going to the liquor-store, need some more wine." I said, making sure my voice didn't betray the confusion that was boiling inside of me.  
"What, now?"  
"Yes, Alex, now. We'll be fine." He looked at me for a few seconds, before pulling his pant-leg up, undoing the strap to the hunting-knife, handing it to me.  
"Now you'll be fine." He smiled and walked back to the couch where he continued his conversation with Bobby and Happy.  
Opie kissed Lyla one last time before joining the rest of the guys, silently allowing us to go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Are you sure about letting them go alone, Tig?" Opie asked once we had left the house.  
"Not really, but Lil looked like she needed to talk to a girl so I decided it was best to just let them be. But..." He took another swig from the beer in his hand. "If they're not back within 30 minutes I'm going after them and I'm bringing in the whole cavalry." 

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**That's chapter 6 guys! I really hope you like it and don't forget to review, it lets me know what you guys think and gives me inspiration ;)  
Thanks again for reading!**


	7. Dead and Buried?

**Trouble – Chapter 7 – Dead and Buried?**

**Author's Note: Oh Happy Day! Hi guys, I hope you're having a great day/night depending on where you live ;) My day has been great! Two classes today, one in which I had an exam that I aced, having received my gorgeous hat for graduation and less than a week until my class goes out on tour for an entire week! Pretty good day/week ;)**

**This chapter will probably explain the relationship/history between Lil and Kozik, and I hope that it might help explain things that you might have wondered about ;)**  
**As usual, thanks to all of you who've read this, and a special thanks to Dutch'76, FunnyMick and purdys pal for reviewing the last chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 7 – Dead and Buried**

I didn't want to go back to Gemma's, not when he was there. I didn't trust myself, or him for that matter, to not get into any more trouble.  
We had reached the liquor-store faster than I had planned but on the way back Lyla pulled me into a park and sat down on a bench, patting the seat next to her to make me sit.

We sat there and it was minutes before either of us spoke.  
"Are you waiting for someone?" I asked jokingly, trying to push away the feelings inside of me, but when Lyla looked at me with those kind eyes I just couldn't help but feel the tears run down my face.  
She didn't say anything, just held me tight, allowing me to vent the emotions that were screaming inside.

"Are you okay?" She whispered as she stroked my hair softly, making me feel safe.  
"Not really, but better." I smiled a little and sat up straight, wiping the tears off my face as I did.  
"Care to tell me?" She asked, and her voice was nothing like Gemma's or any of the boys when they wanted to know something. No, this was truly a question of whether or not I wanted to tell her and if I didn't she would back off.  
"Before I do, you have to promise me you will never breath a word about this to anyone, not even Opie... No, especially not Opie." I just had to let this out, before I exploded.  
"I promise." She smiled and that smile really made me feel secure, as if I could tell her anything.  
"Alright, here it goes." I took a deep breath and let it out. It was now or never.

"When I was 18 I had sex for the first time." I stopped, expecting a laugh, a giggle or a chuckle from her but when she didn't make a sound I decided to continue my story. "Growing up fat, friend-less and having a brother whose nickname was 'Killer', Charming wasn't exactly the place to go to if you wanted to lose your virginity, even less if you wanted a boyfriend.  
No one was interested in me and I kind of figured that no one would ever see me like that, but having no friends meant I had all my free-time to study, giving me good enough grades to go to college.  
Once I had gotten settled in with my new roommate, Jules, I got myself a job at a club as a bartender..."

"Wait, if you were just eighteen, how did you get a job in a club?" Lyla asked, and I'd had a feeling she would wonder.  
"I kinda lied about my age, the owner thought my college-ID was enough to prove I wasn't lying so..." I cleared my throat, I was getting closer to the point of my story and it made my mouth dry just thinking about explaining this to someone within the club.

"Anyways, that's where I met this guy. He would come by every night that I worked, talk to me, flirt with me, tipping me a little extra for his drinks and then after a while I started getting interested in him. I guess you could say I had a crush on him and so one thing led to another and he ended up being my first.  
It was only a couple of weeks later that I found out his connection to my brother, and that's when I decided to end it. I just couldn't do that to Alex." I shook my head, trying to get the thought of Alex out of my mind.  
"The guy was Kozik." I couldn't look at Lyla, didn't want to see the shocked look that I knew had placed itself on her pretty face.  
"But aren't he and Tig like mortal enemies?" She asked, the emotions in her voice revealing what my eyes couldn't see. She was shocked, surprised and confused and I couldn't blame her.  
"And now you see my dilemma." I placed my face in my hands and laughed a pathetic excuse of a laugh.

"Does Tig know?" I couldn't blame her for asking, after all she hadn't been around my brother long enough to know how he worked when it came to my "safety".  
"No, he has no idea. If he had Kozik would have been dead years ago." I laughed but I knew that it was as pathetic as the last one that escaped my lips.

"Anyways, there is another problem besides the obvious one." I sighed and ran a hand tiredly through my long hair. "After I ended things with him, well we weren't really ever together in the first place but still, I didn't see him for about a year and I thought that things had worked out. I mean, Alex, along with everyone else, had no idea what had happened, Kozik was gone and I had forgotten about him... Or so I thought."  
I could almost see the light-bulb above Lyla's head as she put all the puzzle-pieces together.  
"You mean..."  
"Yeah, history's repeated itself twice in the last two years and as much as I have tried to deny it, he's the only one who can sweep me off my feet just by looking at me. The only one who can make me lose control and just enjoy myself..." Another tear fell from my eye but I didn't even care about wiping it away.

"So what happened tonight...?" She took my hand and squeezed it, giving me the strength I needed to carry on.  
"He made me realize that no matter how many people I've slept with or how many guys I've dated, he has been the only one able to make my knees buckle just by running his fingers over my skin. He's the only one who can make me catch my breath just by saying my name.

I thought all this complicated shit was behind me but just the sight of him is enough to make me want him to just pull me close and never letting me go."  
I felt another tear slip from my eyes and I felt pathetic. Leave it up to me, the girl with the entire SAMCRO protecting her "purity" with their lives if necessary, to fall for the one guy that her brother hated beyond everything in this world. A guy that could get kicked out of the Club and killed for sleeping with another Son's little sister.

There, the truth was out so how come I just felt more pathetic than ever before. I had really, really screwed up this time!

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**Thanks to all of you wonderful readers! I love all of you! Be sure to let me know what you think and I'll send you some SOA-loving back ;)**


	8. Not quite according to plan

**Trouble – Chapter 8 – Not quite according to plan**

**Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm back with a new chapter, sorry for not updating for a while but I've been on tour with my class for the past week so I've been a little occupied. But now I'm here with a brand-new chapter of Trouble! so thanks to everyone who reviewed and read this story!**  
**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 8 - Not according to plan**

"What took you girls so long?" Chibs asked, putting down his empty beer-bottle on the livingroom-table.  
"We didn't know what wine Gemma wanted us to get, so it took a little time to decide by ourselves." Lyla walked into the kitchen with the bottle, leaving me alone with the guys.  
I could feel both Alex and Kozik looking at me but ignored both of them, walking out of the livingroom, up the stairs and into the guest-room, no intention of engaging myself in any kind of activity that had something to do with being around people.

I laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I tried to steady my rapidly beating heart.  
I was going to fight this with everything I had, I was going to forget him and then I'd be alright. I had to spare myself the frustration and worry that was going to kill me in the long run.  
"Took you long enough to grab a bottle of wine."  
I continued staring at the ceiling, not even bothering to look up even though I knew his eyes were probably moving over my body, spread out on the covers of the bed.  
"You must have been too distracted by something else." I could hear the smirk in his voice but decided to not let it bother me. I was too tired to care right now and if he hadn't come in when he had I probably would have been asleep by now.  
"Not talking to me now, are you? Well, I know a way to fix that." I felt the mattress shift as he climbed onto the bed but I said nothing.  
I felt him lay down next to me, facing me as he placed a big hand around my waist, inching as close to me as he could. I felt that familiar stir in my stomach when his hand brushed against my black corset blouse, but I still made no attempt to move.

I knew what he was doing. He enjoyed teasing me, anger me, anything to get me riled up, so I figured that the best way to get him to give up was to not do anything.  
I could see in the corner of my eye that he was looking at me, questioning as to why I still didn't say or do anything.  
"So is this how it's gonna be?" He sighed. "You're gonna ignore me 'til I leave, is that it?"  
I let my silence speak for itself and rolled over to my side, my back now facing him.  
I felt kind of proud of myself for not giving in, even though a part of me wanted to throw myself at him and just get it over with. I had to stay strong.  
"Lily."  
Only he could say my name in that way that made the goosebumps spread over my body, something he took pride in knowing and now was no exception.  
"What are you doing here, Koz?" I asked, my voice still hoarse from the crying, something that he seemed to notice.  
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." His arm around my waist tightened and pulled me closer to his muscular frame, causing me to let out a reluctant sigh of comfort.  
As much as I hated myself for it, his body against mine always made me feel safe and I found myself relaxing in his arms.

"I meant, why are you in Charming?" I had so thrown my no speaking-rule out the window!  
"Pretty much the same reason." His voice was so calming yet it was able to speed up my heartbeat.  
"You're a liar." I whispered but relaxed into his embrace, a hand placed over the arm around my waist.  
"Maybe, but so are you." He whispered into my ear before kissing my temple.

I closed my eyes as I let his scent fill my mind, why did he have to be the one to make me feel this way?  
"You keep trying to tell me you don't care about me and yet here you are in my arms as if it was the most natural thing in the world, even though your brother is just a staircase away."  
"Why do you do this?" I whispered, a tear falling silently from my blue eyes.  
"Do what?" I felt him stir behind me, his hips pushing into mine and suddenly I became aware of how close we truly were.  
"Make me unable to think straight." I breathed with a blush on my face. "Right now, I should be worrying about someone walking in on... whatever this is, but the only thing I can think about is..."  
"What? What's the only thing you think about?" I felt his lips ghosting over my neck and I shivered at the thought of those addictive lips on my heated skin.  
"How much I want you."

What the hell was I doing? I was supposed to ignore him until he left for Tacoma and then I would be able to forget him, so why the hell was I admitting my feelings to him?  
_"Because this is how you feel, this is what you need. No need to push your feelings aside." _For once the voice in my head was actually making sense.  
Why did I have to run? This was my life, why shouldn't I be allowed to love the one my heart had chosen?

"Do you really mean that?" Kozik turned me around to face him, and once his more or less gray eyes were looking into mine, I felt myself turn into the 18-year old virgin I had been when I first met him.  
"Yes, I d..." His lips silenced the end of my confession but I wasn't complaining. Just the feel of those lips against mine again made me light-headed and I couldn't remember the last time I had felt like this with a guy.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that, Lil." He pulled away for air, but ended up staring at my with gentle eyes.  
"That's kinda why I expected you to attack me the first chance you got, not just stopping to look at me like I was some sort of angel." I grabbed a hold of his cut, trying to bring him down on top of me but he still wouldn't budge and I blushed as that smile crept onto his lips.  
"I know you're impatient, baby. But truth of the matter is that your brother is still downstairs and if he heard me screwing his beloved sister then I wouldn't live to see the sun rise."

I knew what he was talking about but that didn't make me any less impatient. I had waited over a year for this, so being interrupted just when things were starting to get interesting was more than mildly frustrating.  
"So what do you suggest we do? Wait for him to keel over?" I pouted like a child but I couldn't help it. It's something I always did when I was disappointed at something, I wasn't even aware of the fact that I was doing it anymore.  
"No, you'll see when we get back to the club-house." He laughed and winked teasingly at me and I felt my frustration go up, but this time I wasn't angry.  
This time I was excited and suddenly I felt a strong need to head back to the club-house.

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**There it is! Did you like it? Did I disappoint? Please let me know either way! Love all of you!**


	9. Feel like having an audience?

**Trouble – Chapter 9 – Feel like having an audience?**

**Author's note: The song used in this chapter is "You'll Be In My Heart", by Phil Collins. I do not own this song nor anything in this fic apart from Lily, Jules and the storyline. Thanks to everyone who reads this story! Love you all!**

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When I walked into the livingroom, alone seeing as Kozik had gone ahead, feeling a lot better than before, I was basically jumped by Juice.

"Tinkerbell..." He sweetly called my nickname, immediately making me suspicious. What did he want now? "Can you sing something for us?"  
I shook my head with a smile, I should have known.  
"I'd love to but I don't have my guitar with me." I laughed but when Alex took out my guitar from the case I couldn't help but glare playfully at him.  
"Just one song, Lil." He pleaded with one of those Tig-smiles. I knew he loved my singing and what kind of little sister would I be if I denied him the sound of my angel-like voice?  
"Alright, this probably won't be anything like what you guys listen to but the guitar is in my hands. I decide the song and be sure you listen to the lyrics, I actually wrote them for you." I scolded them all with a mock-glare before strumming the guitar gently.  
Juice placed himself on the floor in front of me with a happy grin, soon being joined by Kip and Opie's kids, Ellie and Harry. Opie himself sat in the armchair with Lyla on his lap, Gemma was sitting next to Clay on the couch holding his hand lovingly. Alex had placed himself on the armrest of the couch where the rest of the guys had spread out.  
I let my eyes travel to Kozik as I cleared my throat, he was standing by the fireplace, looking at me expectantly. He had never heard me sing, but I knew that he was going to be amazed. If not by my voice then by the song.  
_"Here it goes."_I took a deep breath and allowed my fingers to fill the room with the sound of the acoustic guitar.

_**"You'll Be In My Heart"**_

_"Come stop your crying_  
_It will be all right_  
_Just take my hand Hold it tight"_

I let my eyes travel to Kip, telling him to hold on and keep his hopes up until he got patched in.

_"I will protect you_  
_from all around you_  
_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry"_

I looked down at the "children" in front of me, thinking back on the times I had been there for Juice when things were tough, thinking about how I wanted to be there for Ellie and Harry if they ever needed me.

_"For one so small,_  
_you seem so strong_  
_My arms will hold you,_  
_keep you safe and warm_  
_This bond between us_  
_Can't be broken_

_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry"_

I let my eyes travel over the family in the room, singing the words in my heart.

_"'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on_  
_Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_  
_No matter what they say_  
_You'll be here in my heart, always "_

I looked at Alex, remembering all the things we had been through together. How everyone looked at the two of different knowing what happened to our parents.

_"Why can't they understand  
the way we feel  
They just don't trust  
what they can't explain  
I know we're different but,  
deep inside us  
We're not that different at all"_

I allowed myself to look at Kozik, smiling a little when I saw the look of happiness on his face. These lines were for him and I wanted him to hear me say them, to know that I meant every word of it.

_"And you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on_  
_Now and forever more_

_Don't listen to them_  
_'Cause what do they know_  
_We need each other,_  
_to have, to hold_  
_They'll see in time_  
_I know"_

The people in front of me, myself included, lived such a different life, not to mention dangerous. This was for all of those who had been lost and to the people we were going to lose in the future.

_"When destiny calls you_  
_You must be strong_  
_I may not be with you_  
_But you've got to hold on_  
_They'll see in time_  
_I know_  
_We'll show them together_

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on,_  
_Now and forever more"_

Kozik looked at me with such love I blushed but I kept my gaze in his gray eyes as the last chorus left my lips.

_"Oh, you'll be in my heart_  
_No matter what they say_  
_You'll be in my heart, always_  
_Always"_

Applause and whistles filled the room as I stopped. It felt so good to be singing again and just knowing that I was singing to the people I had written the song for warmed my heart.  
Alex came up to hug me, he was wearing a look of pride on his face and in his eyes and the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around me made me smile.  
Over his shoulder I caught Koz staring at me, pride showing in his eyes as well and I winked at him, since it was the only thing I could do right now.

It spoke not only to him but to everyone who had shown up tonight. These people were dearer to me than my own life and I felt so glad to be able to let them all know that.

"That was beautiful, sweetheart." Gemma hugged me once Alex allowed me to breath again.  
"Thank you." I hugged her back hard, breathing in the scent of home. "I meant every word."I said over her shoulder, talking both to her and the man I loved, the latter showing me a sexy grin showing he heard me.


	10. Finally!

Trouble – Chapter 10 – Finally!

Author's note: Hi again guys! Again thanx to everyone who reviewed and in other ways shared their opinions on this story with me. I won't keep you waiting and bored so I'll just say enjoy the chapter and let me know what you thought of it ;) 

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Chapter 10 - Finally! 

"Good night, Tinkerbell!" Alex yelled at me from across the corridor and it was with a smile that I yelled back and entered my room. I stood by the door for a minute or two, making sure that everyone had gone to their rooms before I opened my door and snuck into the room across the hallway from mine.

I closed the door and smiled at the arms that quickly wrapped themselves around my waist.  
"Hey, babe." He whispered before his lips kissed my neck.  
I turned around to meet those bright eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck.  
"You sure don't waist any time." I smiled and he leaned even closer with that sexy smirk that made my heart beat faster.  
"I've waited too long to waist time." He let his lips meet mine and for the second time that night I felt like I was on cloud nine.  
His hands traveled over my back, wanting to get me out of the tight corset-blouse but I just smiled teasingly when I pulled away from him.  
He was about to open his mouth to complain when I pushed him to sit on the bed, a knowing grin making its way onto his face as he started putting two and two together.

I let my slender fingers move over my rounded hips, stroking them over my waist behind my back, undoing the zipper. Never taking my eyes off him.  
I felt proud for putting that excited look on his face and smirked when I saw the twitch in his pants as I let the corset drop to the ground, leaving me in only a black lace bra, Victoria's Secret of course, the pair of hiphugging black jeans and underneath them a pair of cheekies, matching my bra.  
I started undoing the button on my jeans but when my fingers moved to the zipper, Kozik obviously couldn't take it anymore.  
He stood up quickly and pressed himself close to me, making me moan aloud at the feel of the smooth leather-cut against my naked skin.  
"What are you doing?" I breathed as he keeled in front of me, his strong hands stroking their way from my waist down towards the zipper of my jeans.  
He looked up at me with those mischievous eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat.  
"Can't let you have all the fun." His hands were now at my hips but he didn't move to remove my jeans like I had thought he would. Instead I felt him press a kiss just below my belly-button and I shivered at the feeling of his hot breaths over my sensitive skin.  
"You are so beautiful, Lil, do you know that?" He asked, trailing butterfly-kisses on my skin until his lips reached the waistband of my jeans.  
I brought my hands to his blond hair, running them through the softness as my breath sped up when he basically caressed the jeans off of me. I grabbed a firm hold of the tufts of hair between my fingers, catching his attention from the sight before him and he looked up at me with hungry eyes.

"Now it's your turn, mister Reaper." I smiled and pulled him up, bringing my lips to his as I got started tugging at the cut, Kozik allowing me to get it off before pulling off his white T-shirt, settling his hands back on my hips again.  
I realized that he really had gotten hotter since the last time I saw him top-less... Or maybe it was just me.  
I stroked my fingers over his torso and giggled happily when he unexpectedly lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist, carrying my to the bed where I landed on my back with his chest pressed closely against mine.  
Kozik's fingers stroked their way to my breasts and he chuckled at how I caught my breath when his other hand undid my bra, letting the chilly air hit my hot skin.  
His body fit so good against mine that I actually let out a whimper when he moved a little to get his own jeans and underwear off, before pulling mine off as well, settling his lips securely on mine again before entering me.

If one thought his kisses were like fireworks then the sex could only have been described as fucking mind-blowing. He knew my body well by now and with every thrust I whimpered and moaned louder than before. He was clearly enjoying himself teasing me, making me able to lose myself so completely but I knew that he wasn't unaffected either. His hoarse voice calling my name when he came, was nothing like the teasing tone he usually spoke in. It was raw, desperate and in my opinion hotter than the sun.  
His hand caressing my hair as I rested my head on his chest were gentle, the same hand that had hurt so many people were this gentle to me and the way his heart would beat faster whenever I kissed his other hand, entwined with mine, made my smile.  
He was as affected by this as I was, if not more than me, and I felt a little proud and happy that I was the one being able to make him like that.

I smiled as I traced traced my fingers softly over the tattoo on his chest, the letters S.O.A written in bluish-black ink stood out proudly against his fair skin and I wondered what it would have been like to get a big tattoo like that.  
I didn't have much ink myself, just a small star on the inside of my left wrist, in a tribal wrap, with the letter 'A' in it. It was for Alex, a way for me to always have him close.  
We had gotten tattoos together the day before I left for LA, he had chosen the designs, I had chosen the places to put them.  
He himself had my nickname 'Tink' on the inside of his wrist as well. It had been either that or the actual pixie so he had gone for the name, he'd said that with a little luck the girls would think it was his dog's name and not mind it.  
But other than the star-wrap I had no tattoos, it's not that I was afraid of needles or anything but I just hadn't found anything else I wanted printed on my skin for the rest of my life... At least not yet.

"Morning." He mumbled and stretched out next to me, the arm that held me close the entire night still around wrapped around my waist.  
"Good morning." I reached up and kissed his neck, receiving a smile in return.  
"Did you have a nice night?" I looked up and saw him smirking, and landed a half-hearted slap on his chest before he grabbed me and rolled over so I was underneath him.  
"You're such a..."  
"What?" He interrupted me mid-sentence, still with that same smirk on his lips. "What am I?" He was so close to me I could count his eyelashes, and the frustration on my face only made him want to tease me some more.  
One of his hands found my wrists and brought them together above my head as his other hand fondled my breast, making me hotter than I thought possible.

"An insufferable pervert." I wriggled my hands slightly, not really struggling to get away from his strong hand as he pressed himself closer to me. A move that made me catch my breath and he looked down on me with a smug smile dancing on his lips.  
"And I'm the pervert?" He laughed but I just smiled at him with raised eyebrows.  
"Does that mean you agree that you're insufferable?"  
He looked at me for a second or two before crashing his lips into mine. Was that always going to be his back-up plan? Kiss me so I would forget whatever it was that we were dealing with?  
Although I can't really say that I was complaining.

"Kozik!" We both flinched at my brother's loud voice on the other side of the door. Neither of us remembered if we had locked it last night and seeing as my brother had zero respect for Koz, chances were he was just going to barge in. "Get up man, we got church!"  
Neither of us dared to breath until we heard Alex walk away from the door and once he did we both started breathing again.  
"You do realize my brother hates you, right?" I said, raising an eyebrow as he kissed me and left me alone in bed to get dressed for church. He looked at me in silence for a second before pulling on a pair of underwear, yesterday's jeans and a clean T-shirt.  
"Trust me, I know." He seemed almost sad at this but quickly put a smile on his face when he saw that I had noticed. "Do you want to tell him?" He asked, the small smile on his face but sadness still in his voice.  
I took in the situation, contemplating my answer. I did want to tell him, I really did but I knew of my brother's hatred for Kozik and I was fully aware of the fact that he wouldn't be happy about my choice.  
"I want to be able to hold you in public and not having to worry about having to identify you in the morgue the next morning." I said with a small smile, which he returned.  
"I'd like that." He walked up to the bed and placed a hand on my face, stroking his thumb soothingly across my cheek.  
"The time just needs to be right, that's all." I grabbed his hand, bringing it to my lips to kiss his knuckles.  
"I agree with you! Right now Tigger would beat me to a pulp if he knew I was nailing his little sister, but when you're ready you tell me. I want to be there."  
"I promise, babe."  
He kissed me with a smile, giving me one last look before leaving the room, hurrying to church.


	11. Making plans

**Trouble – Chapter 11 – Making plans**

**Hi again guys! Another chapter is officially up! Yay! Firstly and as always I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed this story and the last chapter! Secondly the pics for this chapter are up on my profile so be sure to check it out if you want ;)**  
**I won't keep you waiting for any longer, so enjoy the new chapter!**

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**Making plans**

Clay and the guys were all gathered in the chapel, dealing with business as usual, taking votes, making decisions and pretty much just giving an update on where the club was at.  
"On a side-note." Clay said, once all the official business had been taken care of. "Lily's birthday is in two weeks and it's my opinion that we throw her a party."  
At this all the guys agreed, most of them had known her since she was a kid and those who didn't know her before pretty much loved her by now. She was a pretty special girl, after all.  
"So, even though we're not the best birthday-party committee, does anyone have any suggestions on what we can do?" The President asked, eying the guys looking for a suggestion.  
"Well, she loves singing so we should definitely have a karaoke-stage of some sort." Bobby pointed out, the guys agreeing to this by either nodding or voicing their opinions.  
"But we can't just throw her a karaoke-party. This is her birthday we're talking about, it has to be something special." Half-Sack shot in and he was pleasantly surprised when the guys actually agreed with him.  
"I totally agree, but what?" Juice spoke up. "What does Lil love more than singing?"

The big, bad bikers probably looked ridiculous, sitting in church, their minds hard at work as they were trying to figure out what kind of party they could throw a 22-year old who was turning 23 within a week.  
"A masquerade!" Tig exclaimed, and you could almost see the light-bulbs lighting up above the bikers heads.  
"That's it!" Opie said. "Lily loves masquerades."  
"She's gonna flip when she finds out." Jax laughed, all of the guys joining him as they could all imagine Lily jumping up and down in pure happiness.  
"But this will be a closed party!" Clay said, catching everyone's attention once again. "After what happened between Lil and that Ima-girl, there will be no crow-eaters nor sweetbutts at this party."  
"Yeah, there was some major patching-up that needed to be done the morning after." Chibs shouted over the mumbles from some of the guys. "And I'd rather not have to do it again if I don't have to."  
The tone of his voice showed them all that the Scot was serious, and no one could blame him. They all loved Lily and the last thing they wanted was for her to get hurt.

"Question." Kozik raised his hand in the air, waiting for Clay to give him the word. He wasn't in Tacoma after all and the clubs were all about respect. "How do we get Lily a costume without her knowing? It's not like anyone here knows her measurements."  
He knew her body really well by now but not enough to know her measurements by heart. If he had something to compare her to, then maybe he could pull it off but he knew that there would be too many questions asked if that happened.

"Maybe we can measure her when she's asleep." Juice started but was smacked in the back of his head by Piney before he could even finish that thought.  
"You want to try that then go ahead, by all means. But you should be aware of the fact that if she catches you she will kick you so hard in the nuts they'll become your tonsils." Tig assured with a pleased smile that had Juice put that thought aside for the time being. He knew very well that Tig was the one who had taught her everything she knew and the older man was more than happy to inform him of that fact.  
"Doesn't she have any friends who would know something like that?" Kozik asked, recalling that when Lil introduced her roommate to him she'd mentioned something about her being a model, giving her the knowledge of costumes. But once again there would be too many questions if he let on he knew about that.

"Well, there is her old roommate." Tig said, seemingly deep in thought trying to remember her name. "Julia or something like that, I'll try to get it out of Lil without her suspecting something."  
"Great! We'll call her and at the same time we can invite her to the party, I think Lily would like that." Jax said and Clay brought the gavel down, wrapping up the morning's meeting.

Lily's POV

Once Koz had left for church I got up as well, throwing on the pair of jeans and my bra from last night before opening the door, finding the hallway clear and walked to my own room. Although the guys were all in church, there was a chance that Gemma was lurking around somewhere so I had to be careful. The club-house had eyes and ears everywhere, after all.

I threw yesterday's clothes on the floor and jumped in the shower with a smile. Last night had been as wonderful as I had remembered it, and just being able to wake up next to him this morning had put me in a good mood, that no doubt was going to last through the day.  
I washed my hair quickly before conditioning it, not rinsing it out before scrubbing my body squeaky clean with the loufa sponge and my vanilla scented body wash. When I stepped out of the shower 20 minutes later I felt like a whole new person, ready to meet the day with a smile and go house-hunting.  
As much as I loved staying at the club-house I couldn't take advantage of the guys hospitality, I needed a job but before that I wanted to take a look at the old house, hopefully I could make it livable again after four years of negligence and maybe even move in. I had an idea about what Alex was going to think about me staying there and not at the club-house but it was for the best. I had to get over it sometime, right?

I pulled on a pair of jeans shorts, a white camisole and a purple plaid shirt, pulling my long black hair into a high ponytail before slipping into a pair of cream-colored Victoria's Secret high-heeled wrap sandals, finishing my look for the day with light smokey eyes and nude lips.  
I looked at myself in the mirror, proud of what I had accomplished. Gemma had been right last night, I had gotten skinnier but I was just happy about that. As long as I didn't get any bigger you wouldn't hear me complaining.

"Good morning, princess." Alex called from the bar, a beer in his hand as greeting. I looked down at my wrist-watch, obviously my brother found nothing wrong with drinking at 9 o'clock in the morning.  
"Morning guys, church finished already?" I sat down next to Happy and Alex, receiving a cup of coffee from a smiling Kip.  
"How did you know we had church?"  
"Are you kidding? Kozik's room is across the hall from mine, the way you were yelling at him there was no chance of me not hearing you had church." I half-snapped back at him, seemingly angry about being woken at the crack of dawn.  
Alex smiled an apologetic smile at me that I huffed at but he seemed satisfied enough seeing as he laughed and brought the beer-bottle to his lips again.  
It may have looked completely normal but I had had to fight not to stop my hand from bringing the cup to my lips when he asked me that question. I hadn't really thought about what I was saying but luckily I had been blessed with the same quick thinking as Alex and in the corner of my eye I could see Kozik let out the breath he'd been holding.

Breakfast was quite nice. Not many of the guys were hungover, a fact that made the whole atmosphere a lot more positive than yesterday's.  
"Alex!" I called from the kitchen once everyone had finished their breakfast and were just hanging around the pooltable or the bar.  
"Yeah?" He left the bar and leaned against the doorframe as he spoke to me.  
"Do you still have the keys to the old house?" I could see him tense at the question and looked at me with investigative eyes.  
"Yeah, why do you ask?" His arms crossed over his chest and I could tell that he was going to fight me on this.  
"Look, don't get your panties in a twist, brother dearest." I said, the impatience shining through my voice. "I just want to go check it out, see if it's still there."  
"No."

I took a deep breath and let it out, my blood was about to start racing again and I didn't want to get into this kind of situation with my brother. At least not over this.  
"Why not?" I knew the answer before I even asked the question.  
"Have you forgotten what happened the last time you were there?"  
It felt like he had just slapped me. Did he really think I could ever forget about the night our father came home drunk and started beating up on me and my mother?  
"Alex, I need this." I pleaded, stepping up to him, looking straight into those killer-blue eyes so much like my own.  
"I don't want you up there." He argued, clearly not wanting to let me go.  
"It's been five years, already." I answered back, much to his frustration. He had clearly forgot I was just as stubborn as he was, maybe even worse.  
"I'm telling you you're not going up there!" He shouted, backing me up against the wall.  
"And I'm telling you that I am!" I shouted back, getting in his face. If any other woman would have done this they would have been seeing stars but he had never raised his hand to me. Not after what our father had done to me all those years ago.

"Is everything alright in here?" Bobby asked from the door, his eyes traveling between the two of us to figure out what was going on.  
"Yeah. Everything is freakin' fantastic!" I glared at Alex and pushed him out of my way, angrily walking out of the kitchen, Bobby stepping aside willingly as he knew he would be in grave pain if he didn't.  
I felt eyes on me as I stormed through the club-house but I didn't care.

This was my decision! Alex had no right to try and keep me from what I thought was the best thing from me!  
"Lil!" Kozik jogged up beside me but I kept my furious pace.  
"Not now, Koz." I said but when he grabbed my wrist I still came to a stop, bringing myself to look into his warm eyes.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Nowhere."  
"Well, are you planning on walking there?" His eyes traveled to my high-heeled sandals and even though my blood was still boiling I realized that I would never be able to walk to the house in those.  
"Come on. I'll take you to wherever it is that you're heading." He smiled and I felt as if a little bit of my anger had gone away as I placed myself behind him on his bike. Holding onto him like there was no tomorrow when we drove out from the Teller-Morrow driveway, a pair of killer-blue eyes watching us as we disappeared into the distance. 

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**So what did you think? If you have any thoughts, questions or if you just want to tell me that the chapter was great, be sure to review ;) Thanks again for reading!**


	12. A little bit of history

**Trouble – Chapter 12 – A little bit of history**

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**Lily's POV**

I stared at the house from the safety of Kozik's bike. It seemed like such a long time since I was last there and for a second I almost felt myself agreeing with Alex. Maybe I shouldn't have come back...  
"Lil, are you okay?" I felt Kozik's hand on my shoulder and it jerked me back to reality.  
"Yeah, just lost in thought." I got off the bike, handed the helmet to Koz and slowly walked up the driveway barely visible under old twigs, leaves and dirt.  
The flashbacks of my childhood raced through my head but I kept walking, determined to get through it. As I walked up the steps to the frontdoor, the middle-step still squeaked and it brought a smile to my face.  
My old bedroom had been just above those steps and every time Alex had come home late, and forgot about that particular step, I'd woken up feeling safe, knowing that my big-brother was home.

"Do you have the key for this?" Kozik leaned against the door, once again catching my attention from the memories.  
"Move over." I said with a small smile and squatted down in front of the dirt-white door, taking out two small tools from the little leather-case hanging from my key-chain and started picking the lock, making Kozik raise his eyebrows.  
"You're keeping secrets from me, sweetheart?" He asked in an amused voice, eyebrows raised.  
"Not really, you just never thought of asking me." I looked back at him with a teasing smile. I was still angry with Alex and nervous about being back at my childhood-home but that didn't mean I was going to give him crap for it.  
"Right, next time I meet a hot bartender I'll remember to ask her if she knows how to pick a lock." He was teasing me again and strangely enough I felt myself relax. I don't know if he meant to or not but it let me know he was there for me.  
"You do that, baby, and I guarantee you you'll be seeing stars." I teased back, my eyes focused on what I was doing.  
"I don't think she would actually hit me for asking her that."  
"No." The door clicked open and I looked up at him with a wicked smile. "But I would."

He stood there for a few seconds after I had walked in, surprised at my words but seemed to push it aside and followed me into the house.

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**Tig's POV**  
I threw back another shot of tequila, trying to block out the anger throbbing through my veins and the voices running through my head.  
I had gone too far with Lily, I knew that but why couldn't she just listen to me like she used to? I just wanted to do what was best for her, why couldn't she get that through her stubborn head?  
Those were the words of the voices rushing about in my head but my anger was for a completely different reason. When Lil had stormed out of the club-house I had ran after her to stop her from making the mistake of going back to that house we once called home, when I saw him running up to her. Reaching for her hand, bringing her to a stop, looking at her for a few seconds before guiding her to his bike, riding off to God only knows where.

What right did he have to speak to my little sister, or even to just look at her? None, that bastard had taken one of my two most important things in life away from me and I was not going to allow him to take the other one as well.  
My heart hurt as I thought of Missy, stretched out on the couch next to me, kissing my face happily as I promised her another treat if she did. Kozik had taken my girl away from me, driven the breath from her body and my blood boiled at the thought of her pained whimpers as I rushed her to the clinic, only to discover it was too late. That there was nothing anybody could do to save her...  
"Are you okay, man?" Bobby sat down next to me, pouring himself a shot of tequila as he spoke.  
"Why do you ask?" I mumbled back, more than a little tipsy from the shots.  
"Because that was some loud argument you and Lil had in the kitchen after breakfast." He downed the shot and looked at me with a look that made me want to just go back into my room and lock the door to get away from those investigative eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I was no coward and Bobby may have looked like a hugable hunk of a teddy-bear but he could be just as scary as Happy if he wanted to be.  
"Yeah, well she started it." I knew I sounded like a ten year old boy but I decided to blame it on the tequila.  
"What do you mean?" He grabbed the bottle and walked behind the bar to put it out of reach for me.  
"She wanted the keys to the old house. I mean, how stupid is she? She still wants to go there after what happened all those years ago, sometimes I think she's forgotten all about it the way she acts." I huffed, slightly put out that my seductive lady-friend ms. Tequila had left my company.

"Listen, Tigger." Bobby leaned over the bar-counter and looked me in the eyes with a serious look on his face. "She's been gone for four years, not once having been back here or in that house during that time. And the night of your mother's death you sent her straight to the hospital once that asshole was taken care of, cleared out all of your stuff when she was in there and moved the two of you into the clubhouse once she was discharged."  
"So?" I asked impatiently. I knew all of this shit already!  
"She never went back to the house to deal with what had happened. She just shut it out and tried to start a new life by getting that scholarship to LA, but things as bloody as this always comes back to haunt you and that's why she needs to go there now. To deal with it and be able to move on for real!"  
I looked at the big man in front of me for a few seconds. Had he always been this good with emotional shit? Because he sure as hell could have fooled me... But deep down I knew he was right.

And I knew that the reason I had reacted the way I did was because I felt like she was agreeing to what that son of a bitch had done to our mother five years ago. I felt that she wasn't happy with the choices I had made for her back then and had gone to make her own and it pissed me off.  
She wasn't the socially awkward little teenager anymore who always followed me around like an obsessed puppy. I had to remind myself of the fact that she was a grown woman, who had managed on her own for four years without me being there looking over her shoulder.  
I was going to try look at her as the woman she had grown up to be and not as the little sister who always admired the very ground I walked on... Although I knew that it was going to be really hard to change!

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**Lily's POV**

The house wasn't really as bad as I had thought it would be. Sure, it was dirty, dusty and in serious need of some paint and maybe some new carpet but it was doable. If I worked hard I could probably get the whole place livable in a couple of weeks, but once I had cleaned up the kitchen, the master-bedroom and the bathroom I could move in.

I turned around and saw Kozik looking around the kitchen, his eyes wandering from the cobwebs in the corners to the five year old dirty dishes still in the sink.  
"Charming." He said, his voice dripping with amused sarcasm and I decided to play along.  
"Yeah, my brother isn't too keen on doing house-work." I smiled as I walked over to the dinner-table, picking up one of the Jokkmokk-chairs from IKEA on the floor to put it back where it belonged when I saw the dried blood on the pine-wood and suddenly found it hard to breath.

I could see my father, as clearly as if it was yesterday, standing over my struggling mother. Holding her by her hair as he pulled her up and started banging her head against the dinner-table, the blood oozing from her forehead as he let her drop to the floor again.  
He started kicking her, harder and harder until she wasn't moving anymore, not even trying to defend herself against the boot-clad foot repeatedly connecting with her battered body.

I found myself pulling out my cellphone, my fingers shaking as they were hitting the numbers hurriedly, breathing hard as I lifted it to my ear. I heard the voice-mail go off in my ear and knew that I couldn't just wait around for Alex to answer my calls and so, with the fear rushing through my veins, I ran down the stairs to try and stop my father.  
I hurriedly grabbed the nearest thing I could find and hit him over the head with it. The blood started running down his neck but he hardly seemed fazed by the blow as he grabbed the back of his head and swore.  
I was on my knees next to my mom, shaking her, trying to get her to wake up but she was out cold. Her breathing was shallow and even though I was only a 17 years old girl I felt the fury take over me as I left her side and launched myself at the man I called father.  
I got in maybe one or two good punches but didn't have a chance against the old man. He hit me, pushed me to the ground and kicked me. I never cried.

He kept kicking me, I could hear my ribs breaking but I never felt it. All I thought about was to get him away from my mother, to stall my father long enough for Alex to come back, or maybe even for one of the neighbors to hear the commotion and call the cops.  
I felt him grab my hair and pull me up to face him, his alcohol-reeking breath made me sick and suddenly I felt a boot on the top of my left hand, pressing it hard against the floor as I was forced to look into his killer-blue eyes.  
"Did you really think you could run from me?" He asked, his coarse voice sending cold shivers down my spine.  
I felt him press harder at my hand and I heard every bone in my hand break, and this time I didn't just hear it. I felt it. Every single fracture his heavy boot caused in my hand made me scream out in pain. I felt my head spinning, the room getting darker with every second and just before I slipped into the darkness I heard a door being kicked open followed by a loud gunshot.

* * *

"Lily?" I felt something touch my forehead and tried to move away, only to find I couldn't. "Lil, can you hear me, sweetheart?"  
It didn't sound like my father's voice and so I slowly opened my eyes, for a second blinded by the bright light in the room I was in... Where was I? Not in the house, that's for sure. This place smelled clean, almost like a hospital.  
"Hey." I felt a hand on my cheek and turned my eyes to the man at my right. It took me a moment to collect my memories before I remembered who he was but no matter how fucked up I was, I could never forget hair like that for more than a couple of seconds.  
"Kozik." I felt myself relaxing a little as he stroked his hand softly over my cheek. "Where am I?"  
He leaned back in the chair he was sitting in, releasing a relieved sigh.  
"St. Thomas."  
"What? Why?" Why did I have to be at the hospital? I hated hospitals!  
"You fainted." He said, running a hand through his blond hair. "Back at the house, so I brought you here."  
"What are you talking about? Why would I faint?" I was utterly confused and if I hadn't been as tired as I was, I would have felt like a complete idiot for it.  
"I don't know. We were in the kitchen and you went to do something with a chair, started hyperventilating and when I tried to calm you down you started fighting me, like your life depended on it."  
It was first now that I noticed the scratch-marks on his cheek and by the bruising around his left eye, I must have gotten at least one good punch in.

"I'm sorry, Koz. You were just trying to help." I suddenly felt like I was six years old again but Kozik just shrugged with a crooked smile.  
"You got a good right cross there, Tinkerbell. You could do some serious damage with that if you just learned to control your temper." I felt myself blushing a little from his praise and grabbed a loose hold of his hand, bringing it to my lips and kissed it.  
"Thank you. For everything." He smiled that smile he only ever showed me and was about to say something back when the door to my room was ripped open, revealing a very angry Alex.

"What the hell happened?" His voice was harsh but he wasn't talking to me, he was looking straight at Koz and I felt a slight wave of panic hit me when I saw the murderous look in his eyes.  
"You need to calm down, bro..." Koz started but Alex angrily grabbed his collar pulling him closer.  
"You've got exactly two seconds to tell me why my baby sister is laying in a hospital-bed and you're not, or I swear you'll end up in the morgue by tomorrow morning." He spat out and we could both tell that he wasn't kidding around.  
"Alex, we were at the house and I fainted..." I started but apparently those words weren't exactly the best way to start the explanation with.  
"Why the hell were you at the house with her?" My brother was now screaming and I flinched that his raised voice, something he didn't seem to notice.  
"I figured she shouldn't be alone up there." Kozik simply said. He wasn't teasing Alex, he was serious and I knew that once the two of them got too serious around each other, this wasn't going to end peacefully.  
"Well, you helped a lot, didn't you?" Alex continued screaming. "I'm gonna ask you one more time and if I don't get some answers you'll wish you never came back to Charming! Why the hell are you with my little sister at the hospital?"

"Because you weren't, asshole!"

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**Okay! Chapter 12 is up! I hope you like it, and if you have read it please follow the R&R-rule, read and review ;)**  
**Last chapter I got no reviews so I really don't know what you thought of it but I hope you let me know this time!**  
**Love Ramadiii!**


	13. Hurt

**Trouble – Chapter 13 – Hurt**

**Hi again guys! I know I only posted chapter 12 a couple of days ago but I got the most wonderful review on it that really made my day and so I decided to post this one and dedicate it to her. So Heather Rena, this is for you baby!**  
**Enjoy!**

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"You son of a bitch!" Alex threw the first punch and then all hell broke lose. I got out of bed to stop them but ended up getting someone's elbow right in the face, and seeing as neither of them had even noticed that I was trying to break them up I decided to run after anyone I could find on still wobbly legs. Anyone who could help me.

It took Bobby, Happy, Jax and Kip to break up the two fighters but they still threw murderous glares at each other once they were separated.  
"We leave the two of you alone for five minutes." Bobby scolded as Kip checked the damage done to my face. The elbow had left a big cut on my cheekbone that didn't seem to want to stop bleeding and Jax looked at Koz and Alex with a pissed off look in his eyes.  
"Both of you, get out of here. Go do something useful, beat each other up, I really don't care but do it someplace else." Kozik left the room almost immediately with a last glance at me, but Alex remained still, looking at me with those emotionless eyes for a second or two before following the blond man.  
"Thanks guys." I felt Kip's hand on my shoulder and slumped back onto the bed, suddenly feeling completely drained, emotionally as well as physically.  
"No problem, sweet-cheeks." Bobby said and handed me a Mars-bar that I happily accepted.  
"What was all that about?" Happy asked and I could see from the guys faces that they wanted to know as well.  
"Well, Alex was pissed that Kozik was here with me." I sighed and took a bite of the candy-bar in my hand. "He was probably worried sick when he heard about me being in the hospital and knowing that Kozik was the one who brought me here probably didn't help the situation."  
"Tig always had a problem with Kozik being around the people he cares about, but to start a fight in a hospital... That's rich even for him." Jax said, running a hand tiredly through his hair. His phone suddenly started ringing and with am apologetic smile directed at me he walked outside to answer it.

"Are you okay, Lil?" Kip asked and sat down next to me on the bed, receiving weird looks from Bobby and Happy.  
"I guess, being back home I just..." I blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill and sat up, not able to relax enough to continue laying down. "I didn't think it would be this bad." I felt Kip's hand find mine and for some strange reason it made me able to continue. "It was like I was there, getting beaten up by him again and all I could think about was to keep him away from my mom. To keep her alive..."  
The tears started falling and I hated it. I hated feeling this weak and especially in front of the guys.  
"I'm sorry."

Bobby leaned in and wiped away the wet streaks on my cheeks with a serious look on his face.  
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Lillian. Do you understand that?"  
I smiled at the use of my full name, no one but my mom had called me that, except for Alex when he was seriously pissed at me.  
"Yes, sir." I laughed tiredly, slumping back onto the bed again. "I understand."  
Jax walked into the room again and he didn't look too happy.  
"Sorry, guys. We gotta go."  
"Problems?" I looked up at him with raised eyebrows. I knew that the club was all about that need-to-know-basis-principle, and most of the time I wasn't a part of that, which I accepted but I liked to know if to expect someone home in a body-bag.  
"Yeah, I'm afraid so, darlin'. But the prospect will stay and keep an eye on you." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, causing me to giggle softly.  
"Be careful." That's all I said as they exited the room. I didn't ask for any details they didn't tell me and it was for the best, what I didn't know I couldn't lie about if it came down to it.  
"So." Kip looked around the white-painted room. "What do you do for fun around here?"

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?" Clay asked angrily once they were all gathered in the chapel, back at the club-house. "I understand you're worried about your sister, Tig, but starting a fight at the hospital? Come on!"  
"Not to mention that one of you actually hurt Lily in the brawl." Jax shot in, still angry about having seen the girl he considered family cry her heart out in a hospital-bed. Something he never wished to see again.

Tig heard what his brothers were saying but his mind was someplace else. It was back at that old house, the night his mother had died. The night that had haunted him for five years.

He could still hear his sister's shallow breathing as he was sitting next to her in the ambulance, holding her bloody hand in his as the only thing he could do was so pray to the God he'd never really believed in that he was going to hear his sister's voice again.

He felt his elbow thumping painfully from when it had connected with Lily's face but it was nothing compared to the hurt he felt in his sometimes oh-so absent heart. He had actually hurt his little sister, his own flesh and blood. His sole reason for living.  
At that moment he hated himself and once he was done with the club-business, he was going straight back to the hospital to tell her he was sorry. That he was sorry about fighting with her this morning, about not coming with her to the house when she wanted him with her and for putting his own selfishness in front of her health.  
He was going to apologize and he was going to do it right this time, no mistakes.

* * *

"Royal straight flush!" I placed my hand of cards onto the small table in front of me with a wide grin, thoroughly enjoying the whine it drew from Kip's lips. "I win again." I laughed and took another sip from my soda that Kip had been nice enough to fetch for me a while back.  
"How do you do that? This is the third time I've lost already." He whined and ran his hands through his hair.  
"I'm just that good, Kip." I laughed and stretched out my left foot that had started cramping, wincing a little as I did.  
"Cramps?" He asked and when I nodded he grabbed a firm hold of my foot and started to rub it.  
"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling my cheeks turn a little hotter than before.

"The feet usually needs to be rubbed in order for the cramps to stop, one of my army-buddies used to have them a lot so I learned the right way to do it. Sorry if I surprised you." He explained but I didn't really mind. He was good and although I was ticklish I didn't really feel anything from it like I usually did whenever someone went near my sensitive feet.  
"It's okay, I appreciate it." I smiled and leaned back on the bed, feeling my body growing tired again. I had slept for about an hour after Jax and the boys had left but I still felt a little sluggish, although the doctor had told me that it wasn't unusual after a panic-attack.

"So what's the deal with you and Kozik?"  
I felt my heart stop and looked at him with wide eyes.  
"What?" I saw him trying to hide a grin and I felt myself blush a little at my too obvious reaction.  
"I heard you last night, and considering the fact that you were sneaking out of his room this morning I just assumed that there was something going on between the two of you." Kip looked up at me with the grin now fully visible and at that very moment I hated myself for not checking the hallway more clearly this morning.  
"So?" I asked, making him look confused. "Are you going to tell my brother?"  
"Oh, hell no! He'd kill me just for being the messenger. And besides it's not really any of his business who you decide to get with, now is it?" He smiled a comforting smile at me and I felt myself relax again. Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to meet this wonderful man.  
"Thanks, Kip. That means a lot to me." I reached out my arms and he moved so he was able to give me a hug.  
"No problem, Lil." He pulled back with glowing eyes and I could almost bet money on what he was going to say next. "So tell me everything."

And so I did. I told him everything. The second person within 24 hours who was about to know the only secret I ever kept from my brother. At this pace everyone was going to know by the end of next week.

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**Did you like it? Then don't forget to let me know ;)**  
**Lots of love!**


	14. Over the threshold

**Trouble! - Chapter 14 – Over the threshold**

**Author's note: Okay people, chapter 14 is officially up! A special thanks to the people below who were so kind as to comment on the last chapter! Keep the SOA-love alive!**

**Dutch'76**

**zoelynbrowie,**

**Heather Rena'  
**

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**Chapter 14 - Over the threshold**

"I never thought the day would come when I'd actually see you with a bucket of paint in your hands." Alex said from where he leaned against the doorframe, making me put down the bucket of paint on the floor and walk up to him with a smile.  
"So you finally decided to show up." I looked up at him, feeling like a little girl again. Maybe it was the house that brought that out in me.  
"I figured since you're gonna be staying here I might as well try and get used to it again, don't you think so?" He smiled at me although I could see the tension still in his body. He looked like he had decided not to move and I wasn't going to ask him to. I was just happy he had decided to come up to the house, maybe next time he would even gather the confidence to enter it.  
"You want a beer?" I asked, going into the kitchen to get us both one before he could actually accept my offer.

I walked past him, out on the porch and sat down in the sun, stretching out my tired legs as my brother took his seat next to me. We sat there, sipping our beers, neither of us saying anything.  
He didn't like being back at the house, I could tell but he would get used to it. It had taken me a few days to get the flashbacks in check but once that had been dealt with I had started renovating the place. I had finished the livingroom, the master bedroom, the bathroom and I had just started on the kitchen when Alex had shown up and given me a good excuse for a break.

"So how are you doing?" Alex asked and I could instantly tell from his serious voice that he wasn't talking about the renovation.  
"I'm doing good. It was hard at first, you know, being back here and all. But now I cant' wait to make some more good memories of this place." I stopped and took a swig of my own beer. "Good memories that will involve you."  
I could see Alex looking at me out of the corner of my eyes, looking almost confused at what to say.  
"Lily." I turned my face to him and smile softly, silently urging him to go on. "I never meant to hurt you. What happened that morning, I'm sorry I took it out on you. And at the hospital, I just..."  
"It's okay, Alex. I understand why you reacted the way you did, you worry about me. It's natural big-brother behavior, after all." I nudged him playfully with my elbow and I could hear him chuckle softly, a sound that always made me warm inside.  
I could see his blue eyes travel to the cut on my cheek with a guilty look in them but I managed to cut him off before he started apologizing again.  
"And about what happened in the hospital, it's over and done with. I'm fine and I'm in one piece, that's good enough for me."

"So..." He sighed and stood up, his bottle still in his hand and those killer-blue eyes looking down at me with a little smile in them. "Care to show me what you've done with the place?"  
I looked at him with surprised eyes, was he serious?  
"Are you sure?" I asked, a little chocked, I'm not going to lie.  
"No time like the present, right?" He was still tense but if he wanted to do this then I wasn't going to stop him.  
"You wanna hold my hand?" I asked before we stepped through the door and on any other day he would have glared at me for asking him that, but now he just silently took my hand in his and squeezed it as we entered the house completely.

We walked through every room slowly. Not rushing, just taking our time and dealing with the memories as they came along. I knew he had suffered as much as I had in the last couple of years, if not more, and if he needed me there to get him through it then I was happy to help. That's how things worked in this world.  
You look out for your family, no matter what and although it pained me to see Alex this vulnerable I stayed strong och held onto his hand tightly, wanting to give him the strength he needed. Once we reached the kitchen I could tell he was breathing a little heavier than usual and so I stopped and placed myself in front of him to be able to look into his eyes that we had both inherited from our father.

I felt my chest hurt at the fear I found in those blue eyes and I had to take a strengthening breath before I smiled softly at him and slowly pulled him into a hug. I could feel him shiver in my arms and I brought my hand up to his curly black hair, stroking it gently as I whispered soothing words into his ear. I felt him lean his forehead on my shoulder and I knew he was finally allowing himself to cry. It was silent and undramatic. We just stood there in the kitchen that still smelled like paint, Alex shivering in my arms and me holding him like I remembered my mother doing when we were younger. I think my similarity with her was actually helping him at that moment, as if he was able to finally disconnect himself from everything he had come to be and the image he had created for himself. Finally able to cry out every feeling from that night five years ago, everything he had pushed aside.  
I almost felt a sense of relief to know that he had been hurting all those years as well, that it wasn't just me being a baby. That even someone as strong as my brother needed to cry sometimes, that even he needed comfort and that he felt like he could ask that of me.

I don't know how long we stood there in the kitchen, just remembering the things that had passed, imagining the things to come and enjoying the warmth the other gave us. It had been too long since the last time we were this close and for a moment or two I could almost feel like we were back to our old selves, 15 and 5 again, Alex embracing me, trying to cover my ears from all the shouting downstairs. Suddenly we were back to being the Trager-siblings who were always there for each other, me covering for Alex when he was late for dinner or him helping me out with my homework when mom was busy or in the hospital and dad was too drunk to even stand up.

I felt Alex stirring in my arms and loosened my hold on him, leaning back a bit to see what he wanted to do. He was looking at me with eyes like the sea after a storm, his cheeks striped by tears but still with the hint of small smile on his lips. He placed his hands on my shoulders and suddenly held my at arms-length, eying me as if he had just realized something.  
"What is it?" My voice was soft, sounding much like my mother's and I smiled a little as well when I noticed.  
"You really grew into a wonderful woman, didn't you, Lillian?" He spoke in a hoarse, quiet voice but his words still hit me hard and I felt a warmth spread through my body as I gazed into his eyes.  
"I think I just might have, Tigger."

**A few days later, back in L.A**

Julie looked at the boxes and bags in various shapes and sizes in front of her with a satisfied smile. After Tig had called her last week about Lil's birthday-party, she had started pulling strings and calling up people she knew owed her favors and not only had she managed to get the most amazing costume for Lily, but she had also managed to get a hold of some gorgeous masks for them.  
Her flight was not for another couple of hours so she walked through the big apartment one more time to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything as she crossed off the things on her mental check-list:  
Costumes for her and Lily – Check.  
Two sets of masks for the two of them – Check.  
Clothes for almost a year (should have been a week but she'd failed miserably!) - Check.  
Lily's birthday-present – Double-check!

Everything was there and she was ready to meet her best friend again! Lily had promised to meet her at the airport, probably to make sure she wasn't scared by the bikers that were bound to come along, and she just couldn't wait to get there.  
The last two and a half weeks had been hell, Julie hadn't even wanted to go party she'd been so down since her Tinkerbell had left so she was really looking forward to meet her again and to see what kind of party her outlaw biker family had thrown her.

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**Be sure to let me know what you thought! You know the saying: You pay and you'll play? Well, for me it's: Comment and I'll write a new chapter for you ;)**

**Lots of love to you all!**


	15. Disneygathering

**Trouble! - Chapter 15 – Disney-gathering**

**Hi guys! My apologize for being so late once again... Can't seem to get my act together for updating :P  
Hope you like it and a special thanks to zoelynbrowie and Dutch'76 for reviewing the last chapter! Love the love!  
**

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"I'm not going to get rid of my knife, no way, Lil." Happy argued as he made a left turn towards the airport.  
"Happy, I'm not asking you to get rid of it. I'm just saying that maybe you could hide it or something, I don't want Jules running for the hills because she thinks you're going to kill her with it." I pleaded, trying to keep my eyes off the hot blond biker riding in front of us as a safety escort, Clay's orders.  
"That would be concealing a deadly weapon, which is against the law, Tinkerbell." He deadpanned but it just made me roll my eyes.  
"You're already breaking the law, Hap. Possession of a deadly weapon is very much against the law so it wouldn't really matter, now would it?"  
He said nothing and just kept his eyes on the road, putting an end to our discussion.

You might have thought that things would have been awkward between me and Happy after what happened on my first night back but even though we hadn't talked about it we had a silent understanding. It was a one night thing, no feelings involved, and both of us knew it.

"So this girlfriend of yours..." Happy turned his eyes to me and even though he was wearing those sunglasses that made him look hotter than July, I could see the same twinkle in his eyes as the first time I had met him. "Is she as 'innocent' as you?"  
I looked at him with a serious look on my face. I knew what innocence he was talking about and even though I knew that Jules was up for pretty much anything, on her terms of course, I still took questions like these seriously when it came to my best friend.  
"I'll let Jules decide whether or not to show you that herself, but let me make one thing clear: You hurt her in any way that she doesn't like and I won't even bother sending Alex, I'm coming after you myself."  
Happy looked at me through those dark sunglasses and I knew he was repeating my words to himself, trying to figure out any hidden meaning behind them.  
"I got you, Lil." He turned his eyes back on the road and I nodded silently at his answer.  
Moments later we made a right into the airport-parking-lot.

I looked up at Happy where he was standing behind me, staring at the sign in my hands. A plain white sign with big red letters that said 'BAMBI – THIS WAY'. He obviously didn't understand what I had been thinking when I wrote that but when I caught him staring he simply groaned, shrugged and placed his hand back on the knife at his waist, efficiently showing that he had won our previous conversation.  
I hadn't gotten him to conceal it, nor my favorite suggestion – simply leave it in the car, but I hoped that Jules wouldn't mind. And she probably wouldn't seeing as we pretty much had the same taste in guys, which probably meant that Kozik's absence was a good thing, Happy had ordered him to stay outside with the truck, claiming that he alone would be able to handle the two girls without any backup. I would have liked for it to be the other way, me being able to spend at least ten minutes alone with my lover that day but it hadn't worked out the way we would have wanted it to.

"Tink!" I heard a female voice calling and when I raised my eyes I saw the gorgeous French woman running towards me, as fast as she could when she was pushing the cart with her many bags on in front of her.  
"Bambi!" I gave the sign to Happy, a.k.a hitting him in the stomach with it, as I launched for my friend, wrapping my arms around her neck, breathing in a subtle scent of raspberry and vanilla as I did.  
She looked as gorgeous as always. A pair of denim shorts revealing a pair of toned model-length legs, a bright yellow oversized tee covering her upperbody, a pair of platform boots giving her the model posture that she rocked as always, a black flower baseballcap on her head and the birthstone necklace I had given her last Christmas decorating her delicate neck, the dark blue lapis-stones sparkling against her fair skin as the sunlight hit them.  
"I missed you, Lil." Jules whispered into my hair and hugged me harder making me blink the tears away that had been starting to form in my eyes.  
"I missed you too, sweetie." I stroked her hair and kissed her temple, a situation very similar to the last time we had said goodbye.  
Happy stood there a few feet away, his sunglasses hid those dark chocolate eyes and I could only guess he was sighing very loudly on the inside. He just didn't seem like the kind of guy who liked to deal with emotional women.

Happy's POV

I eyed the woman in front of me currently hugging Lily as if they had been apart for years and not weeks. She was undeniably attractive, those semi jeans-clad legs seemed to go on forever and her face was that of an angel. But there was something in her eyes that contradicted her innocent looks, something challenging.  
I knew my sunglasses hid my eyes so I took my sweet time to admire the girl as Lily was busy talking to her. I knew about Lily when it came to sex having experienced it first hand, she was confident, knew what she wanted and she went for it.  
But this girl somehow seemed different, as if she enjoyed playing games, teasing the hell out of a guy until he snapped and took charge... Maybe she was into that kind of thing, again these where all speculations but if it was so then I was game. I'd always enjoyed being the dominant one...  
"Jules, I want you to meet Happy." The woman was being ushered towards me and the closer she got, the more of a goddess she looked. The sun was giving her blonde hair a golden shine and the smile she gave me when she was standing in front of me was a perfect mix between innocent and sly.  
"Hello, Happy. I'm Jules." She reached out a delicate hand and I grabbed it firmly, although probably a little softer than I usually would.  
"Hey. These your stuff?" I nodded to the bags and boxes next to her on the cart. By the looks of it she was going to stick around for a while, not that I minded.  
She nodded and I took the heavier bags off the cart, walking ahead of the two girls to the exit.

Lily's POV  
Happy was acting unusually nice towards Jules but I tried not to let it bother me, maybe he was just having a good day or something... Okay, very unlikely but still.  
I saw Jules following the tattooed biker with her eyes as he walked away from us even if she tried to act like she wasn't interested. I nudged her with my elbow and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  
"Like what you see?"  
Her head snapped towards me and the cocky retort came just like I had imagined it.  
"Absolutely." She flicked her pink tongue over her lips and I laughed at the familiar sly smile that followed.  
"You really haven't changed a bit." I hugged her again before following Happy out of the airport.

Once the bags and boxes had been packed in the car we all realized that there was no way for the three of us to fit in it. We had seriously underestimated Jules ability to over-pack and not taken the van, a realization that made Happy groan aloud.  
"Look." Kozik said causing everyone's attention to turn to him. "Why don't you ride with me Lil, and Jules can ride in the car with Hap?"  
I knew what he was doing and it wouldn't have bothered me one bit if it hadn't been for the small fact that Jules would be alone in the car with the more intimidating of the two bikers.  
"That, or me and Jules take the car and you and Hap take the bike." I deadpanned, forcing Jules to stifle a laugh that she knew would have made the two men upset.  
Happy looked at me, and if looks could kill then I would be dead ten times over by now.  
"Just get on the bike and shut that smart mouth of yours." He growled and got in the car, obviously not in the mood for me to be telling him to ride bitch with another guy.  
"Guess that's settled. If you don't mind, Jules." I added, making sure she was up for it.  
"Oh, trust me. Not at all." She smiled and got in the car as well, leaving only me to get on the back of Kozik's bike and soon enough we were heading back to the house.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy myself, holding on tightly to my lover as we made another turn, the wind in my face and the sun shining brightly. I loved the feeling of his back against my chest, being able to rest my head against his shoulder without anyone asking questions.  
I was going to tell Alex, the sooner the better but I have to admit that I was very nervous as to how he would take it. The sergeant at arms was known for his temper as well as his attitude towards Kozik and that combined with his beloved little sister could only end badly.

Soon, too soon for my taste, we pulled up at my house. It had been decided that Jules was going to stay there while she was in town and so we were going to unload her stuff before we headed down to Teller-Morrow to meet my family I'd talked so much about when we were in college.

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Like it? Let me know so I know there are still people out there reading ;)


	16. Faces on parade

**Trouble – Chapter 16 – Faces on parade**

**All costumes are on my account on Photobucket: .com/albums/tt184/ramadiii/Pics%20for%20Trouble%202011/Trouble%20-%20Masquerade/?start=all**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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Today is my birthday!

Those were the words echoing in my head as I stepped out of the shower and tousled water out of my hair.  
I knew the guys had been planning something for today but no matter how hard I'd tried no one would tell me anything. Not even Kozik even though I had tried my hardest, and trust me I had used every trick in the book to get him to spill the secret but he just wouldn't budge.

So you can understand that I was anxious when I saw Jules sitting on my bed with that wide smile on her face.

"Do you know what they're all up to?" I asked her and placed my hands on my towel-clad hips.  
"Nope." Her mischievous grin told me that she did know but if there was one thing I knew about Jules it was that once she had decided to keep her mouth shut, it stayed shut no matter what.  
"Sure you don't." I rolled my eyes as I picked up my brush and ran it through my long hair that now reached the middle of my back, but I kept my eye on her in the mirror.

"So what are you doing in here?" I asked her, giving up on trying to bring up my birthday-celebration. At least for the time being.  
"What? Can't I sit on my best friend's bed and wish her a happy birthday?" She pulled a kicked puppy-look and I shook my head with a smile.  
"I know you, Jules. I know you know something, you just won't tell me."

I saw a sly twinkle replace the look of innocence in her eyes and it frustrated me in a not so annoying way.  
"Come on." She stood up and threw me a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. "I made you breakfast."  
I smiled and put on my clothes, looking out the window at the sun shining brightly as if it knew today was my birthday. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and was about to head downstairs when my cellphone vibrated on the nightstand.  
I threw myself on the bed and opened the text-message, a wide smile planting itself on my lips as I read it.

_"Do you know why the clock seem to stop every time you pass it?  
Because your beauty is timeless!  
Happy Birthday, my gorgeous Lily 3"  
_

It took me a few seconds to calm the butterflies in my stomach before I was able to breath properly again. I never knew my man was such a romantic but then again we had never really been a real couple before now so I guess it wasn't strange.  
"Lil! Your pancakes are getting cold." I stared at the ceiling for a few more seconds before sending a simple heart in return, placing the phone back on the nightstand and ran downstairs to my birthday-breakfast.

Today was definitely going to be a good day!

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"Jax, a little to the left... A little to the right... Right again... Bobby, those can't be there, an idiot would know that... Now left, Jax... No, my left!"  
Gemma's voice echoed through the entire clubhouse as she was trying to get it ready for tonight's party but it seemed like the females were the only ones able to work according to her instructions.

"Gemma, Ellie and I are going to the store to pick up some more balloons. Do you need anything?" Lyla asked as she passed the President's Old Lady with a gentle smile on her face.  
"How about a shot-gun to blow my brains out? They can't do anything right!" Gemma deadpanned as the prospect nearly knocked over the table for the presents and flowers for the third time that morning.  
"I'll see what I can find." Lyla chuckled and lead Ellie out to the car, deciding to pick up their costumes for the evening while they were at it. The children had gotten to pick theirs out by themselves but Opie had left his to Lyla, something he would live to regret but he would look cute, that was for sure.

It was only a few more hours until Lily was supposed to come to the clubhouse and most of the stuff was ready. The stage was set, the bar was stacked, the guys all had their costumes ready, the big sign with the glittered message 'Happy Birthday Lily!' was finally hanging straight above the bar and all in all Gemma was satisfied with how things had worked out. A few mishaps here and there but it was to be expected when most of the stuff was taken care of by the guys.  
"Alright, I never thought I'd say this but it actually looks good!" Gemma clapped her hands together catching everyone's attention. "Now go get ready and I'll get Jules and Lily here."

The guys disappeared into their respective rooms and Gemma herself slipped into the empty dorm-room to change into her own costume: A 60's disco-outfit that brought back memories, big gold earrings and several thin metal bracelets that made the right kind of noise when she moved. Her hair was fluffed up and her make-up was bettered as she sent a text to Jules, telling her to get Lily into her costume and down to the clubhouse ASAP.  
She knew the guys wouldn't take too much time with theirs so the sooner the girls came down the sooner they could get the party started.

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**Lily's POV**

"What is this?" I asked and ran my hand over the soft fabric of the dress on the bed next to me.  
"This is what you'll be wearing tonight." Jules simply said and pulled me to stand up, pulling the T-shirt over my head and allowed me to step out of my sweatpants before they were thrown across the room, along with the T-shirt.

"What are you doing, Jules?" I laughed as she turned me around.  
"Arms up." She instructed and I did as I was told. With experienced hands she quickly pulled the beautiful white dress over my head and did me up. She took a lap around me, adjusting the dress where it needed to be fixed before ushering me to sit down in front of the mirror, bringing the brush to my long hair.  
I just sat there, enjoying the attention I was getting. It had been so long since someone had brushed my hair and brought back memories of my mom and of the birthdays I'd had back when she was alive.  
"Close your eyes."  
I did and I felt her starting on my make-up.

Jules said nothing more for a good ten minutes, fully concentrating on her work and if there was one thing I admired about Jules it was her dedication in her work, whatever it may be.  
I felt her move away to get something, probably from her room and when she came back she pulled me to stand up again. I opened my eyes as she slipped a pair of bright pink platform sandals onto my feet and tied the straps around my ankles.  
She looked me over and reached for something in a box on my dresser.  
"This is for you. Something to complete your look for the night." She smiled widely and carefully I opened the box.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw what was inside. A beautiful carnival-mask with a big pink flower on the right side with a gorgeous pink feather attached to it. It looked like something out of a dream and as my fingers traveled over its surface the smile on my face kept growing bigger.  
"You wanna try it on, Tinkerbell?" Jules took it out of the box and walked behind me, placed the mask over my face and tied it behind my neck.  
I looked into the mirror and couldn't believe the beauty looking back at me. Was that really me?  
"You're beautiful, Lil." Jules squeezed my shoulders and kissed my cheek.  
"Yeah? I think I'll have to agree on that." I giggled, unable to tear my eyes of my reflection.  
"I'm just going to get dressed and we'll head down to the clubhouse." One last squeeze of my shoulders and she left the room.

I really missed my mom. I wished she could have seen me now and it took strength I hardly knew I had to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. Today was my 23rd birthday and the 6th one without her and even though she's not here anymore I can't help but wonder what things would have been like if she had been.

Would she have been proud of me? Would she have cried at my graduation? Would she have been upset if she'd known about the bullying?  
So many questions and so many answers I was never going to find out. She was gone and even though I missed her so much my heart felt like it was breaking I was going to enjoy this day. I was going to live a life that would have made her proud.

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"Alright, everyone ready?" Gemma asked, trying to conceal the laughter boiling up inside of her. The guys all nodded and the Top Bitch felt herself beginning to crack at the sight. She didn't know what was getting to her the most: Her son dressed up as something very similar to a gay pirate, Chibs dressed as a lepricon, Half-Sack as a Teletubby or her husband in a Roman toga.

They all heard voices from outside and turned completely silent, it was after all a surprise party.  
"Seriously, Jules. You could have just told me it was..." The girls stepped through the door and everyone jumped out, screaming and throwing paper streamers. "... A masquerade."

**Lily's POV**

If it hadn't been for the dress I would have been rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off at how everyone looked! They were all so adorable I didn't know what to say.

*Chibs was dressed in a lepricon-outfit, his way of making fun of himself I supposed.

*Bobby was in a pair of dark jeans, a worn leather-coat and a mask of a face that looked like the skin was starting to crack open and his hair all over the place.

*Clay looked positively adorable in a Roman toga with a red cape, gladiator-sandals and the must-have "olivecrown".

*Little Ellie was wearing a renaissance-like dress in deep blue velvet and a matching headdress.

*Gemma definitely rocked her costume: A pale gold-beige disco-outfit that showed off her gorgeous figure.

*Happy was dressed in a simple reaper-cloak, obviously not wanted to waste any time on finding the "perfect" outfit.

*Little Harry Winston looked absolutely terrifying in a black and white skull-jester costume and he found great pleasure in running around the clubhouse scaring Ellie with it.

*Juice was dressed as a prince from the fairytales, red cape and everything.

*Jules was the one showing off the most skin. She was dressed as Princess Leah in StarWars when she's a slave at Jabba the Hut, showing off her gorgeous body in a way that would have made even the most famous top-model jealous. Half her face was covered by a bronze mask with a shining sun at her forehead surrounded by different bronze ornaments.

*Kip... Oh poor Kip! I could only guess from his embarrassed face that the guys had forced the red Teletubby-costume on him but man did he look cute in it. One thing that did cross my mind was how he was going to be able to work the bar with those big gloves but I was sure he would work something out, being the smart guy he was.

*Next came Lyla and I don't think I could have picked a better outfit for her even if I tried myself. She had gone for the look of a western salon-girl: A long black flounced skirt, a black and gray corset and a lovely patterned mask in the same colors as the corset.

*Opie was in a category all by himself. There was no doubt in my mind that Lyla had been the one to chose his costume and I had to give it to the girl, she had a sense of humor. He was dressed up as a caveman and his large built and big beard only enhanced the look.

*Piper, Lyla's son, was dressed in a Scooby Doo-outfit and he just looked so adorable I could have just eaten him right then and there.

*Tara was there as well and I was actually surprised at her costume. She was dressed as Batgirl and I could see the proud look in Gemma's eyes as she noted the mid-thigh high patent leather boots and the minimal skirt barely covering her ass.

*Abel, who was currently in Tara's arms looked the most adorable I had ever seen him! He was dressed in a fluffy elephant-sip suit, with the trunk and ears and everything!

*Alex looked gorgeous as always, dressed up as a western bounty-hunter, with the red scarf, the shotgun and the hat.

*Then came Jax and I think I almost busted a rib when I first saw him. He looked like a pirate from a low-budget porno. And if you haven't guessed it already, he was dressed up like a pirate.

*Last came my lovely Kozik and he looked gooood! Seeing him dressed like that: A musketeer, with that big hat with the ostrich-feather in it, the rapier at his side, that Fool's mask and that flawless posture, made my heart skip a few beats and I felt a familiar stirring in the pit of my stomach as his eyes met mine and I saw how he was amazed at my beauty.

_"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dear Tinkerbell! Happy Birthday to you!" _The singing was slightly off-key but I had to admit it made it sound a whole lot more sweet.  
"Happy birthday, Lil." Alex came up and hugged me hard, and I couldn't help myself from giggling as he did.  
"Thanks, big brother." I said as I let him go and was soon swooped up in another pair of arms, this time belonging to Kozik.  
I could feel his breath on my neck and I felt the goosebumps spread over my arms as he whispered his greetings in my ear. I knew Alex was watching but I still pressed a kiss to Kozik's cheek before he pulled away.  
The hesitant look in his eyes made my heart beat a little harder, I couldn't do this to him anymore. Tonight I was going to enjoy myself and as soon as I got the chance I was going to tell Alex the truth.

"I'd like to propose a toast!" Jules called over the crowd after an hour or so and Kip helped her up on the stage so everyone could see her. "To Lily, my best friend and the sister I never had. May you always shine your starlight down on all of us. We love you, Tinkerbell!"  
"Tinkerbell!" The Sons bellowed and raised their glasses and bottles for me and I felt myself blush at Jules words.  
"Now." Jules spoke again, catching everyone's attention once again. "Since we all sang for the birthday-girl I only think it's fair she returns the favor, don't you?"  
Whistles, shouts and encouraging noises filled the clubhouse and it was with a mock-glare at Jules that I let Alex and Jax pull me up on stage.

I took off my mask and gently handed it to Kozik who equally careful placed it on top of the bar-counter, and placed myself in front of the mic with a wide smile.  
"So what do you want to hear?" I asked and looked down at all of them.  
"This is your birthday, Princess." Gemma called from the back. "Sing whatever you want to sing."  
My smile grew wider at her words and I knew as soon as I turned my eyes to Jules she shared the same mischievous look in her eyes as me. I nodded at her and she started up my favorite song in the world: Youth Gone Wild by Skid Row.  
In so many ways the song seemed to be about my own life. Growing up as part of a dysfunctional family and later an outlaw biker-family made you a rebel by blood and wherever there are rebels there are people who's mission is to change them.

The loud bass made its way up my body and I enjoyed the feeling of it as I started bringing the house down.

_"Since I was born they couldn't hold me down  
Another misfit kid, another burned-out town_

_Never played by the rules I never really cared_  
_My nasty reputation takes me everywhere_

_I look and see it's not only me_  
_So many others have stood where I stand_  
_We are the young so raise your hands_

_They call us problem child_  
_We spend our lives on trial_  
_We walk an endless mile_  
_We are the youth gone wild_  
_We stand and we won't fall_  
_We're the one and one for all_  
_The writing's on the wall_  
_We are the youth gone wild!"_

Pretty much everyone in the clubhouse knew the song and once I reached the chorus everyone was backing me up, giving an even more awesome feel to the song.

_"Boss screamin' in my ear about who I'm supposed to be_  
_Getcha a 3-piece Wall Street smile and son you'll look just like me_

_I said "Hey man, there's something that you oughta know._  
_I tell ya Park Avenue leads to Skid Row."_

_I look and see it's not only me_  
_We're standin' tall ain't never a doubt_  
_We are the young, so shout it out_

_They call us problem child_  
_We spend our lives on trial_  
_We walk an endless mile_  
_We are the youth gone wild_  
_We stand and we won't fall_  
_We're the one and one for all_  
_The writing's on the wall_  
_We are the youth gone wild_

_They call us problem child_

_We spend our lives on trial  
We walk an endless mile  
We are the youth gone wild  
We stand and we won't fall  
We're the one and one for all  
The writing's on the wall  
We are the youth gone wild  
We are the youth gone wild!"_

The applause I received once I stopped singing were almost deafening and they reached all the way into my heart as I jumped off the stage and started dancing and partying with my favorite Sons.

The night flew by and it was without a doubt the most amazing birthday I'd ever had. There was dancing, singing, drinking and laughing, and if you count Jules there was flirting.  
She had kept a close eye on Happy all night and as far as I had been able to tell his eyes hadn't left her for a longer period of time either.  
I was sitting on the couch with Juice and Alex while Opie, Lyla, Jax and Tara were playing pool next to us, when I saw Jules look my way and smile that wicked smile of hers and only a second after I saw Happy pull her out of the clubhouse and into the dorms.

I shook my head with a smile, she sure worked fast when there was something she wanted. I let my eyes travel over to the bar where there was a pair of gray eyes watching me with such intensity it brought a burning heat to my face that soon traveled down between my legs.

"Lily, your face is all red." Juice said and placed a hand on my forehead as if to check if I had a fever.  
"I get like this when I drink. I think it's time for me to head home." I stood up and looked over to the bar again but Kozik was no longer anywhere to be seen.  
"I'll go with you." Alex was about to stand up but I placed both my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down on the couch again.  
"No you won't. I'm a big girl now, Alex. I can drive home by myself." He looked as if he wanted to argue with me on this but I wasn't about to give him a chance to. "I've only had one beer tonight, I'm perfectly fine to drive home alone." I said and kissed his cheek before waving good night to everyone who were still awake before making my way out to my car.  
I had decided to leave my presents in the clubhouse for the night since I might need some help carrying it all out to the car and I didn't want to bother anyone with it this late.

Ten minutes later I parked the car in the garage and unlocked the door, sighing happily as I locked the door behind me. This really had been an amazing birthday and I was almost a little sad that it had been over so quickly.

"You sure took your sweet time." I heard a voice from the corner of the room and jumped at least a few inches off the floor in shock, I had thought I was alone.  
"Kozik?" I asked and squinted my eyes to try and see into the dark livingroom.  
"Come closer." He said and it sounded more like an order than a suggestion and I did as I was told.  
He was sitting in one of the armchairs, legs opened wide and eyes that burned as they fixed themselves in mine.  
I was standing in between his legs when he held up his hand for me to stop and I did as he asked. I had no idea what he was doing but that made the whole thing even more exciting.

He suddenly leaned forward and grabbed a hold of my waist, bringing me down tightly against him. I felt his free hand roam over my back as he brought his face closer to mine.  
"You're so fucking beautiful, Lily." He whispered, his lips almost grazing mine in the process and I felt my whole body turn hot at his words and the closeness between us.  
His hand traveled over my butt and I felt myself catch my breath as the pads of his fingers grazed the back of my thigh. My breathing was starting to speed up and I found myself looking into those gray eyes as if my life depended on it, like they were the only thing that kept me from losing my mind.

He moved a little, bringing me into his lap and thus giving him better access to my wanting body. He kept looking into my eyes and I can't even begin to describe how turned on I was by just looking into his eyes as he started touching my body in all the right ways.  
His hand moved between my legs and quickly found my center, moving his fingers in time with my rapid breathing. I whimpered softly at the pleasure he was giving me, I would have moaned but my lungs were so deprived of air there was no way for me to make any other sounds.  
I found it difficult to breath properly as he started picking up his speed and soon enough I was screaming out my climax using the last air in my lungs before slumping down against my man's firm body again.

It took me a few moments to come down from my high and Kozik's eyes never left mine in that time.  
"Happy birthday, Lily." He whispered and kissed me softly, his arm still cradling me.  
"So that's it?" I asked in a mock-disappointed voice. I knew he had more planned and there was no way I was going to miss out on that.  
"Oh, a little greedy, are we?" The boyish twinkle appeared in his eyes and I squealed a little when he swooped me up and carried me out of the livingroom, up the stairs and into the bedroom.  
He put me down on the floor and before he could do anything else I stepped away and started the work to get out of my dress. But it was harder than I'd thought and soon enough I felt him step up behind me to free me from the goddess-like dress.

"Leave tonight to me." He simply said with a smile as he let the dress drop to the floor and picked me up again to place me gently on the bed.  
I looked up at him with a smile playing on my lips. How someone could be so hot and yet so sweet at the same time was beyond me but somehow he managed to contain the urge to rip the rest of my attire off, like I knew he was dying to.

**Kozik's POV**

This girl had me wrapped around her little finger, I had known it from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She was going to be the one to make me fall.  
She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life and it took all of my strength not to just strip her down and ravage her. No, this was her night and in my opinion one of the most important ones, I was not going to mess it up.  
I had never really pictured myself as the guy to fall in love with a girl and want to live happily ever after with her, that was until I met Lily. I could actually see her as the mother of my children, and that's a big thing for a guy.

I lowered myself down onto her smaller frame and kissed the corner of her lips, making her giggle sweetly. I moved to the other side and kissed her little dimple before running my hands from her neck, down her shoulders and along her perfect breasts.  
I undid her bra, it was one of those that was undone in the front, and bent down to pay her breasts some, in my opinion, much needed attention.  
I kissed her right breast, tracing my tongue softly over the sensitive skin and I was rewarded with a soft moan as I loosely bit her nipple.

All those sweet sounds were making me crazy and I knew she knew that because she sure as hell wasn't holding them back anymore. I looked up and saw her bright blue eyes staring lovingly at me and I could feel myself fall even deeper in love with her.

I felt her hands grasp my hair and pulled me up towards her, bringing our lips together in a soaring kiss. Normally I was the one to take the lead on when things happened but tonight was her birthday and if she wanted to have the power she was going to get it... Well, until it got too much for me that was.  
"Baby..." She panted as I continued working on her other breast, softly caressing the fair skin, sometimes kissing and licking it to draw even more interesting sounds from her. "I love you."

I stopped what I was doing and pulled myself up so we were face to face again. Her face was slowly turning red as my eyes carefully printed the beauty of the moment into my mind.  
"I've been waiting to hear those words from you for so long, baby." I kissed hungrily, taking her face in my hands and caressing her cheek with my thumb.  
She must have felt my heartbeat increasing in speed because she smiled into the kiss and moaned in anticipation as I placed myself at her entrance.

**Lily's POV**  
I can't believe I told him. Things may be crazy with him and Alex but I'm sure of my feelings now. I am in love with him and I don't want to live without him. I want to be able to wake up in the morning without anyone seeing anything wrong with it.

My heart was doing somersaults in my chest as he entered me oh-so gently, we fit together so beautifully as if we were truly meant to be one. As he started moving everything left my mind. All I saw was him, the man that I loved and had loved for the past five years. I looked into his gray eyes and felt safer than I ever had before, like nothing could hurt me and all thoughts of Alex and his reaction were obliterated by the pleasure that surged through my body as my climax was closing in on me.  
He was picking up his pace and a second before we rode the waves of our orgasms he leaned down and whispered in my ear, in the softest voice I had ever heard from him.  
"I love you too, Lily."

* * *

**So that was chapter 16! I really hope you like it, I don't know why but I've always had this fascination with masks and costumes (could have something to do with my acting-background, I don't know) so I thought this chapter should have something to do with that ;)**

** If you liked it, let me know. It keeps me writing and updating faster ;)  
**


	17. Lost and Found

**Trouble! - Chapter 17 – Lost and found**

**A/N: Big thanx to daughterofanarchy and mwahwee for reviewing the last chapter!**  
**Seriously though, do I only have two readers or is everyone else read-and-runners? If you like it, you should let me know because it keeps me updating (and updating FASTER too). It takes only a couple of minutes but those few minutes can brighten my day, okay?**

**Okay! :D I give you chapter 17 of Trouble, enjoy it!**

* * *

I looked into his eyes and for the first time in my life I was afraid of my own brother.  
"What did you say?" His voice was no louder than a whisper and still it was so cold it made my blood freeze in my veins.

I took the deepest breath I could muster up even though I felt my chest closing up at the fury in those blue eyes, making them look so much like our father's.  
"I'm in love with Kozik."  
I had intended for my voice to come out strong but it ended up nothing more than a scared whisper and I felt the tears burning under my eyelids as I tried to blink them away.  
Alex said nothing.

He didn't have to. His eyes spoke everything I needed to know. Had he been only a little more like our father he would have hit me the second I spoke the words and normally I would have known he wouldn't...

But now I just wasn't sure.

I don't know if it would have made things better or worse but now I really wished I hadn't refused Kozik's offer to join me in telling him.  
"Alex, please say something." I pleaded, the suffocating silence killing me.  
"What do you want me to say, Lillian?" He turned around and I felt myself flinch at the anger in his voice and the betrayal in his eyes. "That I'm fine with you whoring around with that piece of shit? That it doesn't matter you went behind my back?" He was walking towards me and it took every ounce of strength I had in my body not to cower away as he towered over me.  
"Alex, I'm sorry I..."  
My head whipped to the side and I felt the blood seep from the cut on my lip as my bangs brushed softly against it.

"No, you're not." I shuddered at the indifference in his voice and I heard him walk past me towards the door. "If you know what's best for you, you get rid of that asshole or you get out of my town. Either way I don't want to see you again."

He let the door slam on his way out and I felt my chest closing up on me even more than before. As if in a dream I felt myself drop to the floor onto my knees, my tears mixed with the blood from my lip leaving red splatters on my lightblue jeans.

He didn't want me anymore...

***SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA***

"Lily, open your eyes baby." I felt a finger gently caress my swollen lip and I stirred a little before letting the dim light seep past my eyelids.  
I must have fallen asleep because the car had now stopped, much unlike the rain that softly kept hitting the windscreen, and when I looked to the side I saw Kozik looking at me with worried eyes.  
"You were dreaming again." He explained and I straightened up a little in my seat, weakly rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.  
"Where are we?" I asked, trying to steer clear of the topic of my nightmare as I looked around.  
"At a little diner about 40 miles from LA. Figured we could use something to eat." Kozik smiled at me and exited the car with a little grin that actually made me smile as well. When I opened the door he stood there with an umbrella and offered me his arm like the gentleman he was.

I knew he was acting particularly sweet to cheer me up and to tell the truth it helped me take my mind off my brother at least for a little while. We'd left Charming early that morning to try and miss most of the traffic, having said our goodbyes to our friends and family although Alex wasn't included in the farewell gathering.

I'd last met him two days ago, the day after my birthday when he cast me aside for following my heart. That very morning I had been ecstatic about finally having been signed to a record-company in LA and so I had kind of expected the conversation with my brother to go over fairly painless...

I heard myself sigh as my pancakes arrived in front of me and although the waitress eyed my swollen busted lip before letting her eyes travel to Kozik with a suspicious look she said nothing and left us to ourselves.  
"Sweetie, you have to eat something." Kozik urged and I looked up at him and smiled a small, hesitant smile.  
"You'll never leave me, right?" I could tell he was shocked by my question even though he tried to keep his pokerface. He put his hamburger down and moved himself so that he was sitting right next to me, his hand touching mine.

In comparison to my cold one his big, calloused hand was like a furnace and I felt myself shudder at the feelings that flowed through my body. He seemed to have noticed because he pulled me into his lap and gently placed a kiss on my forehead before wrapping his arms around me to warm me up.  
"Lillian Adriana Trager, I will never leave you." He whispered into my ear and I smiled a little to myself, my face buried in his broad chest.  
"Not even if I get old and fat and ugly?" I felt the vibrations of his chuckle through his chest and I felt him grab a loose hold on my chin and pull me up to face him.  
"Not even if you get old and fat and ugly." He smiled and kissed me, pulling me even closer to him as he did and I felt the warmth spread like a fire through my body both from his words and from the gentle kiss.

***SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA*SOA***

Happy was sitting on his bed watching the blonde model pacing the floor like he had for the past five minutes, waiting for her to give it up and talk to him... He had clearly underestimated Jules pacing-abilities.  
"Will you stop pacing, Blondie? Gemma's gonna shit bricks if she has to change the carpeting again." He sighed, watching the girl slow down her steps a little at the mention of the respected/feared biker queen.  
"Well, what would you have me do?" She snapped, her pacing obviously hadn't improved her irritation one bit.  
_"I would have you come to bed and hand me that sweet ass of yours again."_ Happy thought but was wise enough not to add fuel to the already burning fire named Jules.

The blond goddess sigh and ran a hand tiredly through her long hair as she walked up and sat down next to him on the bed.  
"I just can't believe she's gone."  
Happy didn't think he would ever quite understand this girl but still he allowed himself to smile a little as he waited for her to finish her train of thought.  
"I mean, how could her brother, her own flesh and blood, just kick her out of town for loving someone? From what I heard from Lil, Tig seemed like a good guy." She groaned and let her back hit the covers.

She soon felt the mattress shift as the Son moved and placed himself over her hips, looking into her blue eyes as he stroked her hair out of her face, all with a gentleness that kind of surprised her.

She may only have known the man for three days but she'd thought she had him all figured out. She wasn't really sure what they were to each other but she knew that it was highly unusual for a Son to spend three nights in a row with the same woman and actually being nice to her in the process.

Happy didn't know what had gotten into him, being all nice and cuddly like that with a girl he hardly knew and it was starting to take its toll on him. For the past three days she had been the first thing he saw in the morning, more angel-like than anyone he had ever seen before and he had actually stayed in bed a little longer that morning in order to watch her sleep.

In a way he wanted to know what it all meant but in another way he was, and if anyone ever asked him about it he would deny it 'til he died, scared to find out.  
Jules was a great girl, actually a lot more like Gemma than anyone had originally thought, and in some strange way the gruff, tattooed biker found himself drawn to her and somewhat unwilling to hurt her.  
"Don't worry about Lily, Jules." He said, a little more softly than he had planned. "You gave them the apartment to use until they found something better, right? They'll be fine, even without you looking over their shoulders." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips and smirked when he felt her press herself up against him, wanting to feel more of him. All of him.

The kiss helped clear her depressing thoughts of her friend's situation, at least for the moment, and Jules felt her heart speed up as the man on top of her grabbed a firm hold around her wrists and held them in place above her head as he deepened the kiss.  
He wasn't an asshole who only thought about himself in bed but he wasn't one of those mushy, oversensitive lovers either. He was dominant but who ever said that she didn't like a challenge?  
She wriggled her wrists in a half-hearted attempt to break free and wasn't disappointed when the man on top of her tightened his hold and kissed her even harder, once again claiming her as his... whatever she was to him.

She moaned into his mouth as he moved so that her wrists were held down with his one hand and the other one started undoing the buttons on her jeans shorts. He found it very exciting to tease the hell out of her, knowing that even if she really tried she couldn't do anything about it, to watch that beautiful face twist in pleasure and sexual frustration, to know that he was the one to make her lose control over that sexy body of hers.

He heard her moan as his lips traveled down her toned stomach and looked up with a smirk plastered on his face, leaning his chin just above the waist of her now unbuttoned shorts.  
"You're a fucking tease." The girl managed to breath out as he let his fingers travel inside the denim garment, showing his white teeth in an even bigger smirk than before when he found her center and watched her arch her back off the bed while moaning loudly as he played with the most sensitive part of her hot body.  
"And you're fucking beautiful." He breathed and looked into her blue eyes. Maybe the most unbelievable thing had happened.

Maybe he was falling in love with her.

* * *

**Did you read the author's note at the top of the page? Then enough said ;)**


	18. Story of my life  Act 1

**Trouble! - Chapter 18 - Story of my life – Act 1**

Author's Note: I just want to send my love to all of you who read this, review and add me/ this as your favorites! You make me keep on writing!

Outfits are in this link:(photobucket) .com/albums/tt184/ramadiii/Pics%20for%20Trouble%202011/Chapter%2018%20-%20Act%201/

Just look for the number of the song and then look at the things with the same number ;)  
The link to the playlist for this chapter can be found on my profile!

Enjoy it and please let me know what you thought!

* * *

**Act 1**

I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and smiled a nervous smile at myself. The pale-pink strapless ruffled dress that I had gotten for my birthday last year still looked as good on me as it had back then, on my feet were a pair of metallic-pink Colin Stuart platform sandals, around my wrist was a golden daisy bracelet and around my neck was a golden chain-link with a heart tag, both from Tiffany's. And on my left ringfinger was my engagement ring, a golden Lynn ring from Jean Schlumberger.  
My long curled black hair was hanging freely and my blue eyes were beautifully framed by smokey gray make-up.  
I could hear the crowd cheering for me outside and with a last look at myself I left my dressingroom, making my way through the corridors, anxious to meet the 20 000 people anxiously waiting for the concert to start. I took a deep breath and smiled as I walked out on stage, the cries from the audience increasing as I waved at them all.  
"Hi guys!" I called out in the microphone, causing them all to scream even louder and I waited for them to calm down with a smile before I started again. "Wow. You guys have no idea how beautiful you all look tonight." I let my eyes travel over the audience and their smiles and the happiness in their eyes, feeling fortunate to be able to watch all of them.

"If anyone of you might have missed it, my name is Lily Trager and I'm here at Staples Center in L.A tonight to do a concert called 'The Story of My Life'." The screams increased again and I couldn't help but laugh happily at it.  
"As most of you probably know I'm not one for giving interviews, but about six months ago I realized that I wanted all of you to know where I come from and what brought me here, so I decided to tell all of you in person by doing this concert. And I realize that there are people out there who like my music and wanted to be here tonight and share this with all of you but for one reason or another couldn't, so this concert is being shown live tonight, nationwide so that everyone can be here. And in case you missed the latest gossip this will also be a DVD later on."

I walked backwards on the stage as I spoke, getting myself ready to introduce my band.  
"So are you guys ready to meet my awesome band?" I asked and reached my microphone out towards the crowd as they all screamed yes.

"First on drums, the wonderful Sean, ladies and gentlemen!" Sean did a little solo before waving to the crowd, making the girls wail in happiness. "On electric guitar, my girl Sam." Sammy did a Youth Gone Wild-riff and it made the crowd even more pumped up, including me! Youth Gone Wild was after all my favorite song!  
"Bass and acoustic guitar, Daniel!" Daniel took a bow, simple and stylish just like himself. "Then we have my best friend on this earth! Give it up for tonight's pianist, all the way from Charming, California. Jules!"

Jules played her small piece and grinned to the audience before speaking into the mic herself.

"And it's my privilege to present the star of tonight. A star that came to life in the small town of Charming, California, 24 years ago and made her way to L.A to shine her light down on all of us lucky ones! Lily 'Tinkerbell' Trager!" Jules was so pumped up when she introduced me and I shot her a kiss from across the stage, making the crowd whistle and shout encouragingly.  
"Are you ready to get this story started?" I shouted over the noise and grabbed my faithful guitar, sitting down on the stool that had been brought out for me.

"Now, I know that there have been many rumors as to how this concert was going to play out, and I can finally tell you the truth." The crowd turned a little more quiet, allowing me to explain.

"Most of the songs that will performed here tonight have never been played in front of an audience before. They were written by me sometime during my 24 years here on this earth, some in happiness, some in sadness. Some in hope and some in despair and this first one is from when I was eight and lived in a small house in Charming with my abusive father, loving mother and older brother."  
The crowd turned almost completely silent and I had to take a breath to strengthen myself to continue.  
"I'm going to explain every song for you, how they came to life. I want to show you that no matter what you have been through in your life you can still have the strength to follow your dreams."

Catcalls and encouraging shouts were heard from the audience and it made my heart a little lighter as a family photo was projected on the big screen behind me.  
"This photo was taken when I was around seven years old. My brother Alex was 17 and he's the handsome guy standing next to me. Behind me is my lovely mother who unfortunately passed away about 6 years ago. The man standing on my mother's right is, as you could possibly guess, my father.  
My mom and my dad fought a lot when I was growing up and this song was scribbled down in my journal one day when the two of them were too busy yelling at each other to realize that I hadn't come down for breakfast because I was sick."

I kind of felt like I was at a psychologist's, telling about my horrible childhood but I was going to go through with this, I took a deep breath and nodded for Jules to start playing.  
"This is my first song called 'I'll Try'." I said into the mic as the gorgeous sound of Jules piano started flooding into my earpieces and I strummed my guitar in time with her playing.

_"I am not a child now.  
I can take care of myself.  
I mustn't let them down now-  
Mustn't let them see me cry.  
I'm fine.  
I'm fine._

The memories of my childhood was flooding through my mind as I sang the words that so many years ago had been my personal mantra.  
_  
"I'm too tired to listen.  
I'm too old to believe:  
All these childish stories.  
There is no such thing as faith,  
And trust,  
And pixie dust.  
I try,  
__But its to hard to believe.  
I try,  
__But I can't see what you see.  
__I try.  
I try.  
I try._

I remembered my mom's bruising that by the week got worse and worse, the yelling may have almost stopped by then but the bruises had kept appearing.  
_  
"My whole world is changing,  
I don't know where to turn.  
I can't leave you waiting,  
But I can't stay and watch the city burn;  
Watch it burn.  
'Cause I try,  
But its so hard to believe!  
I try,  
But I can't see where you see.  
I try.  
I try.  
I try and try,  
To understand,  
The distance in between:  
The love I feel,  
The things I fear,  
I dearly say good dream."_

Next came the second part of the song I wrote when I was in the hospital after that night when my mom had died, when I realized that I had to be strong just like her.

_"I can finally see it._  
_Now I have to believe:_  
_All those precious stories._  
_All the world is made of faith,_  
_And trust,_  
_And pixie dust._  
_So I'll try,_  
_'Cause I finally believe!_  
_I'll try,_  
_'Cause I see where you see!_  
_I'll try._  
_I'll try!_  
_I'll try!_  
_I'll try-_  
_To fly. "_

The music stopped and for a few seconds the whole arena went quiet. All eyes were on me but I still turned mine to the crowd in front of me, waiting for the reaction that I knew was going to come, one way or another.  
One by one the people in the audience started clapping and within seconds the whole arena was filled with the wonderful sound of appreciation.  
I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, looks like tonight's surprise seemed to have worked out the way I had hoped it would.  
"Thank you!" I put the guitar down again and looked over to Sam who smiled at me, giving me the sign to get backstage again to change. That she had things covered here.  
"Alright guys, what did you think about that?" She asked, the crowd roaring in response. "She's a pretty talented small-town girl, isn't she?" She joked, clearly enjoying the audience's positive attitude.

I quickly stepped into my green canvas lace booties and ruffled my black hair, giving it that wild-look that I rocked so bad, before making my way out on the stage again. The complete outfit change had only taken about a minute and once I was standing out there again I was dressed in a pair of leather capris and a purple leopard lace trim cami, ready to rock this stage like it had never been rocked before!

"Alright guys!" I announced my appearance once I was center-stage again. The picture behind me was swapped to an image of me on the dancefloor, basically dirty-dancing with some random guy, drunk and just going crazy. "This next song is called 'Can't be Tamed' and was written when I was 18, my first year of college. That year I was going crazy, doing things that I had never dreamed of. Getting my ass drunk, sleeping around, starting fights. Literally living like there was no tomorrow. This is for all the people who thought they could hold me down."

I took a step back, allowing the dancers to surround me as the lights were dimmed until the stage was black. The loud bass started thumping through the speakers and with it the spotlight was lit on my and my dancers as we started moving.

_"For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy  
Have to get my way, 24 hours a day  
'Cause I'm hot like that  
Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention  
Like I'm under inspection, I always get the 10's  
'Cause I'm built like that_

_I go through guys like money flyin' out their hands_  
_They try to change me but they realize they can't_  
_And every tomorrow is a day I never planned_  
_If you're gonna be my man, understand_

_I can't be tamed, I can't be tamed_  
_I can't be blamed, I can't, can't_  
_I can't be tamed, I can't be changed_  
_I can't be saved, I can't be_  
_I can't be tamed."_

I could see the crowd jumping in time with the music and it was a proud smile that I did the moves as perfectly as I had during rehearsal. The music was flowing through my body, waking up the strong girl inside. At that moment I forgot everything bad in my life.

_"If I see my reflection about my intentions_  
_I'll tell ya I'm not here to sell ya_  
_Or tell ya to get to hell_  
_I'm like a puzzle but all of my pieces are jagged_

_If you can understand this, we can make some magic  
I'm on like that_

I wanna fly, I wanna drive, I wanna go

_I wanna be a part of something I don't know_  
_And if you try to hold me back I might explode_  
_Baby by now you should know_

_I can't be tamed, I can't be tamed_  
_I can't be blamed, I can't, can't_  
_I can't be tamed, I can't be changed_  
_I can't be saved, I can't be_  
_I can't be tamed_

_I'm not a trick that you play, I'm wired a different way_  
_I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, It's set in my DNA_  
_Don't change me, don't change me, don't change me, don't change me_  
_I can't be tamed_

_I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go_  
_I wanna be a part of something I don't know_  
_And if you try to hold me back I might explode_  
_Baby by now you should know_

_I can't be tamed, I can't be saved_  
_I can't be blamed, I can't, can't_  
_I can't be tamed, I can't be changed_  
_I can't be saved, I can't be_  
_I can't be tamed."_

The crowd was screaming again and I was so proud of myself as I screamed out my 'thank you' in the headset, quickly making my way backstage again to change into my third outfit for the night as the band worked the crowd. A pair of tight cropped jeans, a purple open-back tee and a pair of flat braided ankle-wrap sandals, pulling my bangs back into a small ponytail.

"Okay, guys. This next song needs no real introduction, the lyrics speak for themselves and I think most of you already know them by heart. This is 'Firework'." The crowd cheered, 'Firework' had been my second real hit. The song that made me known to the whole world as the Charming-sweetheart with the angel voice.

As I sang I kept my eyes on the audience, concentrating on the serene looks on their faces. Some of them were crying as they sang along and it touched my heart to know that my words could bring tears to someones eyes. I had never had a crowd quite like this one, the atmosphere was wonderful and their hands were up in the air as I pointed the mic towards them, allowing their own voices fill the big arena.  
With every line their voices grew stronger and more confident, much like the song encouraged them all to be. By the last chorus I was singing along with them, actually hearing them in my earphones even as I sang in the mic myself.

Then came another outfit change and another song, 'This is me', from when I had determined to follow my dreams of being a singer. Behind me on the huge screen was a picture of me in the recording-studio, grinning like an idiot at something the sound-technician had just said.  
My outfit for this number had one tag-line: White.  
A pair of white strap sandals from Chinese Laundry, a pair of white capris and a white front-knot babydoll-top.  
I was sitting next to Jules by the piano, her playing and me singing like we had done so many times during our college-years. It was soft and beautiful, the crowd sensing and matching the feel of it perfectly. Some even bringing out lighters, as I got up from the piano and stepped into the spotlight, allowing every feeling of gratitude I felt shine through to them.  
This song was also rewarded with applause and whistles, shouts and jumping, and I continued with the next song, this time not running backstage to change clothes.

"Are you enjoying yourselves?" I asked, the happy roar of the crowd immediately answering my question and I laughed into the mic as I adjusted my earpieces a little.  
"Unlike most of the songs here tonight, this next one is actually not about me. This one takes place 4 years ago, when my bestie Jules got her heart broken by a boy and asked me to write something in her honor." I turned my head and smiled at Jules. " So Jules, this is for you, babe."  
I could see her blush a little and picked up my guitar, strumming it a little before I started playing.

"_You think that it is over,  
When did it ever begin?  
Don't pretend like he was ever interested.  
He may have had you fooled by,  
The way he looked into your eyes.  
But no he really looked right through, through it all.  
He could swear he never meant it,  
Act like you're overreacting,  
But he's the tool who shouldn't have been acting.  
How are they the ones attracting us?_

_Here's to the heartbreakers_  
_Who are so good at hiding all the evidence of them pretending._  
_All along who were we kidding?_  
_I could find a man and not a boy._  
_You'll see what you're missing._  
_Yes I'm fine now, thanks for asking._  
_Here's to the fakers_  
_Here's to the heartbreakers!_

_You try to play his games but_  
_Then you're the one who's being confusing._  
_He'll keep using that old line,_  
_You could just tell me you don't have the time._  
_But no, you wanna leave me hanging._  
_What's the point in all of my waiting?_  
_I'm the one who's noticing you,_  
_Guess that makes me obsessed with you._  
_I turn your flaws into beauty,_  
_And you're seeing this as a bad thing._  
_Are you kidding me?_

_Yeah well, you're the one who'll be missing me._

_So here is to the heartbreakers  
__Who are so good at keeping us around  
While still keeping our confidence down.  
Do you feel as if you own me?  
'Cause I could find a man and not a boy.  
Yeah you'll see what you're missing.  
Yes I'm fine now, thanks for asking.  
Here's to the takers  
Here's to the heartbreakers!_

_This is the story of a girl who builds her own thoughts._  
_She has the faith that he'll be more than what she only thinks she_  
_wants._  
_She's seen the bitter truth_  
_But when someone is looking right at you,_  
_It's hard to see through the lying eyes_  
_When you're mesmerized._  
_Yeah, I'm mesmerized._

_So here's to you, the heartbreaker_  
_Who was so good at hiding all the evidence of your pretending._  
_All along who was I kidding?_  
_And now for you, the heartbreaker_  
_Who was so good at keeping me around_  
_While still keeping my confidence down._  
_Well you'll never own me._  
_You'll never even have me…_

_Cause I could find a man and not a boy._  
_Yes, you'll soon see what you're missing._  
_Did you get what you came for?_  
_Yeah, you're a heartbreaker._  
_Let me give you a little more._  
_You know who you are… this one's for you."_

I rushed backstage, smiling at the crowd's roaring, getting out of the white attire and into my mocha-colored ruffled corset dress, an assistant tying the golden embellished ribbon-tie sandals, letting my bangs down again before running out on stage again to sing one of my favorite songs.

"This one is for my wonderful boyfriend who puts up with me and all my little quirks. I love you, babe. No matter what." A picture of a pair of hands showed behind me, Kozik's and mine, holding onto the others as if for dear life. My engagement-ring was on my ringfinger and I could hear a small murmur go through the crowd as people started noticing it.

_"I was in college, working part time waiting tables  
Left a small town, never looked back  
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling  
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts_

_I say can you believe it?  
As we're lying on the couch  
The moment I can see it  
Yes, yes, I can see it now_

_Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?_  
_You put your arm around me for the first time_  
_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_  
_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_

_Flash forward and we're taking on the world together_  
_And there's a drawer of my things at your place_  
_You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm bothered_  
_You said we'll never make my father's mistakes_  
_But we got bills to pay_  
_We got nothing figured out_  
_When it was hard to take_  
_Yes, yes, this is what I thought about_

_Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?_  
_You put your arm around me for the first time_  
_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_  
_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_  
_Do you remember all the city lights on the water?_  
_You saw me start to believe for the first time_  
_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_  
_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_  
_Oh... oh... ohh..._

_And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m._  
_Coz' everything was slipping right out of my hands_  
_And I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street_

_Braced myself for the goodbye_  
_'Cause that's all I've ever known_  
_And you took me by surprise_  
_You said I'll ever leave you alone_  
_You said..._

_I remember how we felt sitting by the water_  
_And every time I look at you, it's like the first time_  
_I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter_  
_She is the best thing that's ever been mine_

_(Hold on, make it last)_  
_(Hold on, never turn back)_  
_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_  
_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_  
_(Hold on), Do you believe it?_  
_(Hold on), We're gonna make it now_  
_(Hold on) and I can see it_  
_Yes, yes I can see it now."_

I picked up my guitar with an almost shaking hand. Next was the song that had made me nervous all night, I had never played this music to anyone before and even though I knew he most likely wasn't watching I felt my legs shake a little when I sat down on the stool again, quietly strumming the black and red guitar in my hands, the crowd waiting for me to say something.  
I took a deep breath and tore my eyes off of the guitar to gaze out into the ocean of people who had all gathered to hear me sing.

"This next song I'm going to play next is one of my toughest songs tonight." I continued strumming the strings softly, needing something to distract me from the thoughts of my brother.

"About a year ago I announced to my only brother that I had found someone I might consider spending the rest of my life with. It turned out to be the guy he hates more than anything on this earth, and without even looking at me he told me to leave Charming and never come back. That I wasn't welcome there until I had gotten my act together again. It was the toughest decision I've ever had to make but I chose love, and came out here to start a life together with him."  
I took another breath and tried to swallow the lump that was forming at the back of my throat.

"I love my brother beyond words. He kept me safe through all those years in hell, he always looked out for me, even when I thought I didn't need it. But the one thing he never fully understood was that I needed something more than just a big brother in my life. This song was written back in Charming, before all this happened, and I have never played it to anyone before tonight, so I apologize if it sucks." I smiled nervously and started playing, trying to focus on playing the right chords instead of on the pictures of Alex that flashed through my mind.

_"Everybody needs inspiration  
Everybody needs a song  
A beautiful melody when the night's so long  
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy_

_Yeah, when my world is falling apart_  
_When there's no light to break up the dark_  
_That's when I, I, I look at you_

_When the waves are flooding the shore_  
_And I can't find my way home anymore_  
_That's when I, I, I look at you_

_When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth_  
_You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon_  
_Right there where they belong_  
_And I know I'm not alone_

_Yeah, when my world is falling apart_  
_When there's no light to break up the dark_  
_That's when I, I, I look at you."_

I could feel the tears form in my eyes but I kept on singing.

_"When the waves are flooding the shore_

_And I can't find my way home anymore_  
_That's when I, I, I look at you_

_You appear just like a dream to me_  
_Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me_  
_All I need, every breath that I breathe_  
_Don't you know, you're beautiful."_

I could feel the tears run down my face but I kept my head held high, not letting the hurt clawing away in my chest ruin the number.

_"Yeah, when my world is falling apart_  
_When there's no light to break up the dark_  
_That's when I, I, I look at you_  
_When I look at you."_

I let go off my guitar, just sitting there with the tears running down my cheek, staring out over the crowd as the silence once again spread in the big arena.

"You're beautiful, Lily!" A girl in the front row yelled, immediately yanking me out of the 'bubble' I had entered. The silence still filled the arena as everyone's eyes were on the girl, including the cameras and mine.  
I looked at her for a few seconds. She couldn't be older than 17, long black hair and dressed in emo-clothes, her dark eyes looking up at me with such determination it almost startled me.  
"You are too." I whispered to her and the smile she sent me in return made the lump in my throat disappear. "So, did you like the song?" I asked in the microphone, suddenly noticing how quiet the place had gotten.  
The crowd started making some noises before quickly rising in volume until they were back to where it had been before the crying started, and man were the noise increasing by the second until it was almost deafening.

I stood up straight and wiped the tears off my face with a smile.  
"Wow, that was awkward." I laughed and the crowd followed. "We've already gotten halfway through this night, can you believe it?" I asked, gladly accepting the water-bottle that Jules reached me, giving me a hug while she was at it.  
I walked around on stage for a good ten minutes with the guys, just enjoying making jokes with the audience, reminiscing about how me and the band met, sharing memories and from the crowd's reactions they seemed to be enjoying it just as much as we did.


	19. Story of my life  Act 2

**Trouble! - Chapter 19 - Story of my life - Act 2**

**A/N: So people, the few who actually still reads (and reviews!) this story, we're getting closer to the end. Pics and playlist are/is on my profile as usual, enjoy!**

* * *

As the time came for the act-change I truly enjoyed the feeling of being able to change my clothes without stressing through it. Next was 'All American Nightmare' and for this the outfit was a little different from the others. A light-blue pair of torn, straight-legged jeans, black open-back booties, a purple push-up halterneck top along with the black leather jacket Juice got me for last year's birthday. My make-up was re-applied and my hair was braided loosely across my neck, down to my left side.  
The redness around my eyes was starting to fade away and once the concert started again you wouldn't be able to tell I had ever been crying.

I walked center-stage and heard the audience, as well as my crew, whistle and scream approvingly and I had to admit it myself. I looked hella good!  
"Okay, people. This next one is for my Harley-loving family and I think the lyrics describe them perfectly."

A picture of me surrounded by Alex and the boys on their bikes was shown and although I realized that some people in the audience didn't like the SOA-cuts they had on most people cheered.

"_Lets go!" _I screamed and the cheering turned into screams as the music filled the arena again._  
"Lock it down  
Rock_

_Dressed head to toe_  
_Black on black_  
_Three bunnies in the_  
_back of my Cadillac_  
_Which means its going to_  
_be a good story to tell_  
_Cash, grass and ass on the highway to hell_  
_be careful what you wish for when you dream"_

"Come on guys!" I screamed and every person in the place started banging their heads in time with the chorus.

_"I make the good girls bad, and bad girls worse  
nice guys are last cuz I'm always first  
I'm a freak show sucker for how it feels  
turn the girl next door into hell on heels  
I'm red white and blue tattooed  
and just don't care  
I'm your all American nightmare_

_If you wanna run away I can give you a ride_  
_I'm a one way ticket to the darker side_  
_come with me baby lets lose some sleep_  
_don't mistake me for a dream_

_I make the good girls bad, and bad girls worse_  
_nice guys are last cuz I'm always first_  
_I'm a freak show sucker for how it feels_  
_turn the girl next door into hell on heels_  
_I'm red white and blue tattooed_  
_and just don't care_  
_I'm your all American nightmare_

_They try to lock me up_  
_and throw away the key_  
_but they'll never gonna hold down_  
_a freak like me I'm an outcast_  
_opencast livin'_  
_for free I got everything you want_  
_but nothing that you need. (stick to me baby)_

_Whoa!_  
_I make the good girls bad_  
_and bad girls worse_  
_nice guys are last cuz I'm always first_  
_I'm a freak show sucker for how it feels_  
_turn the girl next door into hell on heels_  
_I'm red white and blue tattooed_  
_and just don't care_  
_I'm your all American nightmare_

_I'm your all American nightmare_  
_I'm your all American nightmare"_

"Okay, so..." I took a big swig from my waterbottle and turned to the audience. "I have a little challenge for you guys. You up for that?"  
"YEAH!" The crowd screamed and I laughed into the microphone.  
"Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and if the following statement fits with you raise your hand and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it. It's just a little experiment."  
I saw a whole bunch of nodding heads and a few yelled yes.

"First statement: I am in love right now."  
Little less than half of the audience raised their hands and the blushes and smiles on the faces I saw were just adorable. And out of the corner of my eyes I saw Sam raise Jules hand, yep. That girl was in love alright.

That way it went on for a few minutes, the mic was passed between us on stage and we asked questions, and the crowd seemed to like it.  
When it was time to round it up I took the mic again and asked the final question.

"Have you ever felt like you were all alone in the world without anyone to turn to?"  
I heard murmurs going through the audience and one by one they raised their hands until almost every person had them up.  
"Now open your eyes." I said as the light was turned on all over the arena and when they saw all the hands up they were shocked.  
"You see? You're not as alone as you think, everyone feels lonely sometimes. But that's when you need to remember that even if you don't believe it you always have someone to turn to."

I sat down next to Daniel in the middle of the stage, picked up my guitar and started playing in time with him.  
"This one is dedicated to all of you wonderful people out there."

_**"You'll Be In My Heart"**_

_"Come stop your crying_  
_It will be all right_  
_Just take my hand Hold it tight"_

_I will protect you_  
_from all around you_  
_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry_

_For one so small,_  
_you seem so strong_  
_My arms will hold you,_  
_keep you safe and warm_  
_This bond between us_  
_Can't be broken_  
_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry_

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on_  
_Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_  
_No matter what they say_  
_You'll be here in my heart, always_

_Why can't they understand  
the way we feel  
They just don't trust  
what they can't explain  
I know we're different but,  
deep inside us  
We're not that different at all_

_And you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on_  
_Now and forever more_

_Don't listen to them_  
_'Cause what do they know_  
_We need each other,__  
to have, to hold  
They'll see in time  
I know_

_When destiny calls you__  
You must be strong  
__I may not be with you  
But you've got to hold on  
They'll see in time  
I know  
We'll show them together_

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
_Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_From this day on,_  
_Now and forever more_

_Oh, you'll be in my heart_  
_No matter what they say_  
_You'll be in my heart, always_  
_Always"_

I had to admit that singing the song I remembered the first time I performed it: in Clay and Gemma's livingroom, after family-dinner that night when Kozik first showed up in Charming and I had decided to follow my heart.

The lyrics meant the same thing as they had back then. They were for my family, my love and for all the souls lost and for the people left behind.

The crowd kept on cheering and whistling as a picture of me and Kozik kissing on his bike popped up behind us and I felt myself blush a little as I looked back at it.  
"This next song is for a special someone. We've been through a lot of shit since the first time we met but somehow we managed to get through it and baby, this song is for you. I love you more than anything." I looked straight into the camera and smiled widely, knowing that he was watching._  
_

_**Lost without you**_

_"I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes  
You might say a little righteous and too proud  
I just want to find a way to compromise  
Cos I believe that we can work things out_

_I thought I had all the answers never giving in_  
_But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong_

_All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie_  
_How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side_  
_If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm_  
_lost without you_  
_I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you_  
_I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you_

_How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues_  
_Baby I'm so lonely all the time_  
_Everywhere I go I get so confused_  
_You're the only thing that's on my mind_

_Oh my bed's so cold at night and I miss you more each day_  
_Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say_

_All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie_  
_How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side_  
_If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm_  
_lost without you_  
_I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you_  
_I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you_

_If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away_  
_Can't stop the tears from running down my face_  
_Oh_

_All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie_  
_How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side_  
_If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm_  
_lost without you_  
_I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you_  
_I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you"_

"Okay, guys." I stood up and walked around a bit on stage, stretching my legs as I prepared for the next song. "How many in here have ever felt like they didn't belong? Like you weren't cool enough or like you weighed too much or how your skin just didn't seem to have the right color?"

This time I didn't ask them to close their eyes or raise their hands and I wasn't surprised to see that no one dared to be the first to put their hand up.  
I sighed softly to myself and slowly put my hand up in the air, hearing the mumbles and whispers that went through the crowd as I did.

Slowly, one by one reached a hand up until almost everyone in the audience had their hands up and I could tell that they were all alarmed by the number of people who's felt the same way they had.  
"You know, I've been watching you all night and I'd like to think that we all know each other pretty well by now." Laughs from the crowd. "And I don't see one person in here who in any way is wrong. And what pisses me off is that there are people out there who does."

I walked over the stage as I talked, feeling like I was kinda giving a sermon but no one seemed to mind.

"People who feeds on our insecurities, who tries to make themselves someone by putting you down. But you know what, in the end they're all wrong. When I was in school the other kids kept bullying me, saying that I was fat, a loser, that no one would ever want me, that I couldn't sing..." I smiled at the bu's that came from the crowd. "How wrong were they, huh?" I quirked an eyebrow and encouraging shouts washed over me.  
"But they weren't just wrong about me. They're wrong about all of us! This next song is called 'Mean' and feel free to sing along if you know the lyrics."  
I started picking the strings on the guitar as I sang and soon enough the whole crowd was clapping in time with the country-beat.

**Mean**

_"You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me  
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing  
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded  
You, pickin' on the weaker man_

_Well, you can take me down with just one single blow_  
_But you don't know what you don't know_

_Someday I'll be living in a big old city_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_  
_Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_

_Why you gotta be so mean?_

_You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation_  
_You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them_  
_I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you_  
_I just wanna feel okay again_

_I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold_  
_But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road_  
_And you don't know what you don't know_

_Someday I'll be living in a big old city_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_  
_Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_

_Why you gotta be so mean?_

_And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game_  
_With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening_  
_Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things_  
_Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing_

_But all you are is mean_  
_All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life_  
_And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean_

_But someday I'll be living in a big old city_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah_  
_Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_

_Why you gotta be so mean?_

_Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city_  
_(Why you gotta be so mean?)_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_  
_(Why you gotta be so mean?)_  
_Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me_  
_(Why you gotta be so mean?)_  
_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_

_Why you gotta be so mean?"_

Once the song was finished a slideshow of all my tattoos started behind me and laughing I started explaining what all of them meant.

There was the star on my wrist with my brother's initial in it, the cursive on my lower back saying 'I'll never regret nor forget, just learn', the black clasp-knife at the back of my neck with a red Anarchy-symbol on the blade and the shaded rosary on my left foot.

Pretty strange collection most would think but they all had a special meaning to me. The star was for my brother, the cursive to remind myself never to regret anything because what has happened makes us who we are. The knife and symbol was meant for the club and also, coincidentally, clasp-knife happened to be what Kozik means in Polish and the rosary was for my mother who was a Christian.

There was only one tattoo missing that had been planned but not inked yet. The crow on my left wrist. I'd thought it fitting to have my brother on my right and my Old man on my left but I had put it off saying I wanted Hap to do it. In truth I just wanted things to be okay with my and Alex before we made it final.

"Some of you may have heard rumors about me growing up in a motorcycle-club and although I'll probably catch a lot of shit from 'responsible' grownups I'll tell you that the rumors are true. But it's so much more than just riding a Harley, these people are my family and no matter what I do or where I am they will always be a part of me. This one's for them."

I started playing the guitar again, feeling the memories of my family rush through my body and mind as I sang for them all.

**Tattoo**

_"Oh oh oh_

_No matter what you say about love_  
_I keep coming back for more_  
_Keep my hand in the fire_  
_Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for_

_No matter what you say about life_  
_I learn every time I bleed_  
_The truth is a stranger_  
_Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free_  
_To admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind_  
_Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind_

_I can't waste time so give it a moment_  
_I realize nothings broken_  
_No need to worry about everything I've done_  
_Live every second like it was my last one_  
_Don't look back got a new direction_  
_I loved you once, needed protection_  
_You're still a part of everything I do_  
_You're on my heart just like a tattoo_  
_Just like a tattoo_  
_I'll always have you (I'll always have you)_

_Sick of playing all of these games_  
_It's not about taking sides_  
_When I looked in the mirror didn't deliver_  
_It hurt enough to think that I could stop_  
_Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind_  
_Sorry but I've gotta be strong and leave you behind_

_I can't waste time so give it a moment_  
_I realize nothings broken_  
_No need to worry about everything I've done_  
_Live every second like it was my last one_  
_Don't look back got a new direction_  
_I loved you once, needed protection_  
_You're still a part of everything I do_  
_You're on my heart just like a tattoo_  
_Just like a tattoo_  
_I'll always have you (I'll always have you)_

_If I live every moment_  
_Won't change any moment_  
_There's still a part of me in you_  
_I will never regret you_  
_Still the memory of you_  
_Marks everything I do, oh_

_I can't waste time so give it a moment_  
_I realize nothings broken (yeah)_  
_No need to worry about everything I've done_  
_Live every second like it was my last one_  
_Don't look back got a new direction (don't look back)_  
_I loved you once, needed protection (no, no)_  
_You're still a part of everything I do_  
_You're on my heart just like a tattoo_

_I can't waste time so give it a moment (i can't waste time)_  
_I realized nothings broken_  
_No need to worry about everything I've done (no need to worry)_  
_Live every second like it was my last one_  
_Don't look back at got a new direction (don't you ever look back)_  
_I loved you once and I needed protection_  
_You're still a part of everything I do_  
_You're on my heart just like a tattoo_  
_Just like a tattoo_  
_I'll always have you"_

"Alright folks. Last song of the evening goes out to probably the most important person in my life.

I mentioned in the beginning of the show that my mother passed away when I was a kid..." A picture of my beautiful mother, hugging me and Alex popped up behind me. "In many ways she was your average small town mom. She stayed home to take care of me and my brother, she was beautiful, gentle and the kindest person you could ever imagine. She'd have given her life for her family and unfortunately one day she did. She gave up her life to save mine and for that I have been forever grateful."

I took a breath and drank some water before continuing my story.

"People have asked me how I made it through losing my mother at such a young age and the simple answer is that she did what she thought was best. She gave me another shot at life and I wasn't going to give that up..."

I looked up at the starry sky and smiled softly.

"Happy Birthday mom."

**"Someone's Watching Over Me"**  
_  
"Found myself today_  
_Oh I found myself and ran away_  
_Something pulled me back_  
_The voice of reason I forgot I had_  
_All I know is you're not here to say_  
_What you always used to say_  
_But it's written in the sky tonight_

_So I won't give up_  
_No I won't break down_  
_Sooner than it seems life turns around_  
_And I will be strong_  
_Even if it all goes wrong_  
_When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_  
_Someone's watching over me_

_Seen that ray of light_  
_And it's shining on my destiny_  
_Shining all the time_  
_And I wont be afraid_  
_To follow everywhere it's taking me_  
_All I know is yesterday is gone_  
_And right now I belong_  
_To this moment to my dreams_

_So I won't give up_  
_No I won't break down_  
_Sooner than it seems life turns around_

_And I will be strong_  
_Even if it all goes wrong_  
_When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_  
_Someone's watching over me_

_It doesn't matter what people say_

_And it doesn't matter how long it takes_  
_Believe in yourself and you'll fly high_  
_And it only matters how true you are_  
_Be true to yourself and follow your heart_

_So I won't give up_  
_No I won't break down_  
_Sooner than it seems life turns around_  
_And I will be strong_  
_Even if it all goes wrong_  
_When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_  
_That I won't give up_  
_No I won't break down_  
_Sooner than it seems life turns around_  
_And I will be strong_  
_Even when it all goes wrong_  
_When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_  
_That someone's watching over_  
_Someone's watching over_  
_Someone's watching over me_

_Someone's watching over me"_

I finished the last line of the song a capella and sent a kiss to the heavens knowing that my mom would accept it. We all bowed and headed backstage to the overwhelming sound of the crowd going wild.

But instead of wrapping things up I quickly changed into my final outfit for the night. A black and red satin corset, a pair of low-rise, tight jeans and a pair of black mesh heels.

The crowd was screaming for more and so we all ran out on stage again and started playing my first and biggest hit.

**Trouble**

_"No attorneys, to plead my case  
No opiates, to send me into outer space  
And my fingers are bejeweled  
With diamonds and gold but that ain't  
Gonna help me now"  
_

I had so much fun, going wild on stage. Jumping around, clinging onto my musicians and getting a rise out of the audience.

_"I'm trouble, yeah trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my own town  
__I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_

_You think you're right, but you were wrong_  
_You tried to take me, but I knew all along_  
_You can't take me for a ride_

_I'm not a fool now, so you better run and hide  
__  
I'm trouble, yeah trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble my own town  
I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_

_If you see me comin' down the street_  
_Then you know it's time to go_  
_Hey you know it's time to go_  
_And you know it's time to go_  
_'Cause here comes trouble_

_No attorneys, to plead my case_  
_No opiates, to send me into outer space_  
_And my fingers are bejeweled_  
_With diamonds and gold but that ain't_  
_Gonna help me now_

_You think you're right, but you were wrong_  
_You tried to take me, but I knew all along_  
_You can't take me for a ride_  
_Well I'm not a fool now, so you better run and hide_

_Mmm trouble, yeah trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my town_  
_I'm trouble, yea, trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_

_So if you see me comin' down the street_  
_Then you know it's time to go, go_

_Well I've got trouble, yeah, trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_  
_I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_

_I'm trouble, yeah trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town_  
_I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now_  
_I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town, yeah_

_I'm trouble in my town, yeah, yeah_  
_I'm trouble in my town, yeah, yeah"_

* * *

The night had passed quickly, the audience had enjoyed themselves as much as we were and when the encore was finished the screaming was so loud and went on for so long we just had to go out on stage and do it again.

Everyone was satisfied with how the night had turned out, me included of course but emotionally I was drained. This whole concert was about me and my life, my accomplishments and my failures and going through them again was very tiring.

I was happy where I was in my life. I had a wonderful Harley-riding old man, the best job in the world, a gorgeous house and two beautiful dogs that were always happy to see me... But I missed my old life too.

Koz had transferred to the LA-charter little less than a year ago and sure they were nice and respectful. In short they were all great but it just wasn't... home.  
I missed Bobby's baking, the look on Juice's when he was working on the computer, Jax's laughter, Happy's scowling, Clay's cigars, Gemma's I'm-the-top-bitch way of speaking and... Alex.

I missed everything about my brother even though I tried to push him out of my head most of the time. But I knew that tonight I wouldn't be able to not after the concert. I was home alone until the morning unless you count my beloved whippet-girls Snow and Ivy, Koz and I both owned them but Snow had taken more to me and Ivy was Koz's little girl.

I sat down on the couch with the girls next to me and a glass of red wine in my hand, picked up the phone and dialed a number I'd memorized by now to have a gravelly voice answer on the first ring.

"Hello."  
"Hey, uncle Clay. It's me." I smiled and tried to ignore the home-sickness from hearing a familiar voice again.  
"Princess! It's good to hear from you, how are you?" He sounded genuinely happy to hear from me.  
"I'm good, just got back from a concert. Thought I might give you a call."

I heard a faint voice in the background and chuckled when I heard Gemma.

"Is that Lily? Then give me the phone... Give me the phone, Clay... Clay!"  
"It seems the Queen wants to talk to you." Clay said, slowly to annoy the hell out of his wife.  
"Then I think it's best you give the phone to her, she might cut you off." I laughed and I heard him groan at the mere thought.  
"Here she comes. Take care of yourself sweetheart, you hear?" His over-protectiveness had always calmed me down whenever I was upset and it did the same thing now. Guess he was like the father I never really had.

"You too, Clay and... Keep an eye on Alex for me, would you?" I knew my brother usually wouldn't do anything too stupid but lately, according to Jules and Happy he had started taking risks... More risks than usual.  
"Sure thing, sweetheart. Two eyes whenever I can." Clay's voice was soothing and I felt as if I was in his arms again when I heard scuffling on the line and I recognized Gemma's bossy voice in my ear.

"Are you eating properly?" I smiled. My life really was full of over-protective people... Not that I minded.  
"Yes, I am. Koz is actually thinking I'm getting fat." I dead-panned and I heard Gemma snort.  
"Shoot him." Was my god-mother's simple answer.  
"Can't do that. The girls wouldn't survive without him." I laughed. Truth be told I wouldn't either.  
"Don't care. Do it." God, this woman had really been SAMCRO for a long time.

"Well, all he really said was that he liked my curves a lot more now than when I was skinny." I explained with a childish pout and heard a groan from the older woman.  
"You're such a drama-queen, Lily."  
"Well, thanks for your support, Mother Gemma. I appreciate your concern." I sighed with a small smile. It was nice to feel like I had my family back, even if it was just for a phone-call.  
"Oh, you need someone who can stand up to you, Lillian. Now..." I could hear how she sat down, probably in the big armchair in the livingroom. "How did the concert go?"

I felt myself grin and I leaned back on the couch as I took another sip from my wine.  
"It went good, I had a great time. Just wish you could have been there." Another sip.  
"We did too, sweetheart but if it makes you feel any better we recorded it and promised we would show it to everyone in the morning. They were all so excited about seeing you on-stage again."

Gemma chuckled at the thought of how Half-Sack and Juice had jumped up and down when they had first heard about the concert.  
"Really? That's great!" I patted Snow's head softly and threw a quick glance at the clock on the wall. A little past one am and I was sure that Gemma had to work the next morning so I decided to keep the call fairly short.  
"We miss you around here." Gemma continued and I could tell she really did miss me.  
"I miss you too, Gem."

"This place just isn't the same without you." She sighed and I really wanted to tell her I was coming home, I wished I could just throw everything to hell and go back to my family... But I couldn't. That life was gone.  
"You'll tell the boys I sent my love, right? And keep Tara, Lyla and all the kids safe for me."

I knew it sounded like some sort of goodbye and I didn't know why but it just felt like the right thing to do, like I needed to get it off my chest.  
"Is everything okay, Lil?" Gemma asked with worry in her voice.  
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. I just..."

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair.

"I just miss all of you so much. I wish I could turn things back somehow." I felt the tears in my eyes and knowing that Gemma couldn't see me I let them fall.  
"You'll be able to come home soon enough, sweetie. I'll try and talk to Tig again, get him to realize that the two of you need each other to function properly. We need you back here in Charming, you're an important past of this family." I could tell Gemma was on the verge of tears as well and I wiped away my own when I heard my cellphone ringing in the hallway.

"Sorry, Gemma, but Kozik's calling on my cellphone. I should probably take it before he starts to worry, you know what he's like." I excused myself as I stood up and walked into the hallway, finding the phone in the pocket of my jacket.  
"He loves you, just like the rest of us. So yes I know what he's like. Send him my love, will you?" Gemma chuckled.  
"I will. Bye, Gem and thanks!" I hung up and finally answered Kozik's call as I opened the door for the girls to let them out.  
"Hey, babe. How's everything?" I asked and walked over to the livingroom to get a dog-toy for the girls.

"Lil, listen to me. Listen to me very carefully!" His voice was dead-serious and I felt the color drain from my face. "Where are you right now?" He was running and I really hoped nothing had happened to him.  
"At home. I just let out the girls." I explained, trying and failing to keep my voice calm.  
"Get them inside and lock the doors. Don't let anyone in until we get there, you hear me?" I recognized the sound of his Harley starting up.

"Koz, what's going on?" I quickly got the dogs inside and locked the two locks on the door.  
"There's no time, I'll explain everything when I get home."  
"Okay. Be safe, babe." I whispered into the phone, suddenly feeling a chilling fear spread through my body.  
"You too, Lillian." He said and hung up, leaving me alone in the dark to wonder what had happened to make Kozik sound so frightened. Kozik who was never afraid of anything.

I heard whimpers coming from the kitchen but when I called for the girls they didn't come running like usual. The whimpers got stronger as I got closer and once I reached the kitchen I was greeted by a sight that made my blood freeze.

My two dogs, my biggest treasures, were laying on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. They were panting, fighting for air as they whimpered in pain from what looked like stab-wounds on their little bodies.

I ran up to them and knelt beside them, all thoughts of clearing the room or running for my gun had flown out of my head. There was a psychopath in my home and the only thing I could focus on was my babies, dying in front of me.

I didn't even hear the footsteps coming up behind me and as I cried over my dogs the intruder behind me raised his gun and aimed it at my head.

"I've been waiting for this." A dark voice laughed...

And everything went black.

* * *

**Cliffy? You know it! And why? Because I'm starting to get kinda annoyed at hit-and-runners.**

**Those of you who read and reviewed, ignore this because I love you!**

**Does this story really only have about 5 readers left or have the sight displaced the 'Review'-button because the lack of opinions on the last chapters has (for me) been alarming. It takes more time to read than to review so timewise there should be no problem.**

**Readers keeps me writing the chapters so show yourselves or the stories will slowly die.**

**Thanks for your cooperation! **


	20. New Haven

**Trouble! – Chapter 20 – New Haven**

**A/N: I really truly want to thank everyone for reviewing the last chapter, made me so happy (giggle) to see that so many of you are still reading this and like it!**

**Pics of the new charter will be on my profile so be sure to check it out if you want to put faces to the names ;)  
Enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Lily's POV  
**

"Wake up, sunshine." Someone slapped me across the face and I jerked back to life with a groan, silently cursing the piece of thick fabric covering my eyes.  
My head hurt like I'd been run over by a semi and my bruised cheek was thumping. God why had I been out of fighting for so long? I wasn't used to pain anymore!  
"How's your head feeling?" It was the voice of same person who was in my house and there was something familiar about it.  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I chuckled as another blow was delivered to my face, this time a closed fist and I spit out the blood that pooled up in my mouth at the contact.

The footsteps echoing against what sounded like stonewalls told me that my captor was walking around the chair I was tied up to. I could literally feel his hungry eyes over my cold body and once he stopped in front of me I knew where I'd felt like this before.  
"Kyle... Kyle Hobart." I mumbled and was rewarded with another blow, this time to my stomach.  
"Ding dong." He laughed humorlessly and pulled off my blindfold before giving me another punch to my face, and although I tried my best not to I couldn't help but wince at the pain shooting through my body.  
"I don't suppose you're gonna tell me why you're doing this." I said as I looked around, taking in every detail on where I was.

Looked and smelled somewhat like a garage of some sort, big and empty, some old car-parts laying around but nothing to suggest that it was being used anymore.  
"Well, let's just say I've got a score to settle with your dear brother." Kyle said in a chilly voice that made my skin crawl. He'd always had that effect on me, even when he was SAMCRO.  
"Then you're barking up the wrong tree." I explained in an expressionless voice. "Alex doesn't care about me anymore. You're wasting your time."  
"But you're still the SAMCRO-princess and everyone knows how they all get when something happens to family." Kyle laughed and for the first time in a long time I wasn't sure if I was getting out of this alive.

* * *

"Gone? What do you mean Lily's gone?" Clay's loud voice could be heard all over the clubhouse and everyone froze at the mention of their princess.

"Exactly what I said." Kozik had to fight to keep his voice relatively calm.  
"We got a note to the clubhouse last night saying how the princess of SAMCRO was gonna be missing by morning. I called Lily and told her to lock the doors and not let anyone but me in but when me and the guys got there ten minutes later she was gone... Bastard took her and killed the girls. There was a lot of blood, Clay. I'm not sure how much of it is Lily's but we both know she would never get taken down without a fight."

Clay looked around the room with eyes that would have scared even Happy.  
"We'll be there in the morning. You hear anything you call, understood?" He said in that dark voice that made promises of a thousand years worth of pain for the men responsible.  
"You know it. And Clay... Please hurry." Kozik sounded so desperate but Clay was too pissed off to be able to tell him things were going to work out so he hung up and turned to his family.

"Get everything ready, guns, computers whatever shit you've got. We're leaving for L.A in an hour. Sack, call Tacoma. Get Happy to meet us there, tell him Lily's missing and if he asks about his Old Lady tell him we don't know any details." He said in a stern voice and as soon as he was finished everyone besides Jax, Gemma and Tig hurried to get their stuff ready.

"What's going on, Clay?" Gemma asked worriedly. "What happened to my baby?"  
Clay ignored her and turned to Tig.  
"When was the last time you talked to Lil?"  
Tig looked at him with emotionless eyes, the same eyes he'd had for a whole year now.  
"You know the answer, why ask me?" He shrugged and although the President felt a strong urge to bash his Sergeant's head against a brickwall he kept his calm knowing that it wouldn't do them any good.

"Because your little sister, who loves you and who you love by the way, has been taken by some lunatic with a grudge against SAMCRO, that's why!"  
"Oh my God." Gemma placed a hand over her mouth and Jax kicked over a chair as he cursed.  
"Now, if there is any part of Alex Trager left inside you, you'll at least help us get her back. Then you can go back to your moping, all right?"  
Tig looked at Clay with his empty blue eyes that at the moment were nothing like his sister's.  
"Is that an order?" He asked as if he was discussing the weather.  
"Yes." Clay confirmed through gritted teeth.

Tig just nodded and went to get his stuff ready while three pairs of eyes following him, all with different emotions.  
Jax looked disgusted, Gemma was outraged and Clay was angry but most of all disappointed. Tig may have always been a sick son of a bitch but he'd always gone to great lengths to keep his sister safe, no matter what and now this... He just couldn't believe he didn't care that she was missing.

~SOA~

Once in his room, Tig leaned back against his closed door and turned his eyes to the ceiling as he slowly slid down to the floor.

A whole year had they been apart and yet the pain in his chest wouldn't let up. He hated to admit it but he missed her, he needed her and now, knowing that there was even a small risk he might never see her again, his heart felt like it was shrinking in his chest.  
He'd grown so tired of feeling for the past year that in the end he'd just shut everything out. Putting himself into his "work" and hoping that locking up his feelings wouldn't blow back on him. But now they had and he regretted every single time he'd picked up the phone but chickened out, not once having called her to say he was sorry...

Because he was. He knew he was a jerk, he was born one but Lily had always known that and had been there for him and when she'd chosen Kozik over him he'd just... snapped and had done the one thing he would never forgive himself for. He'd hit her... He'd turned into his old man and laid a hand on the person he loved the most.  
He had to get her back, even if she never wanted to see him again.  
He had to know that she was safe, he just had to.

* * *

**Lily's POV**

"You know what I always admired about you, Lil?"  
He'd been at it for hours and by now I was too weak to actually lift and turn my head to him but managed to roll it enough so that I could see him..

He was squatting in front of me, hands on my thighs, brushing his thumbs over the cuts on them.  
"You were always so quiet about everything..." He pressed a little harder and I found myself too tired to hold in the whimper it caused. "At least the things that hurt you." He laughed and took out the bloody knife again.  
"I was thinking we'll change that in the next few days."

I felt myself cringe at the sight of the dirty blade and shivered as he trailed the sharp tip of it up my torso, over my collarbones and up my neck.  
He chuckled and stood up, satisfied at how the blood slowly trickled from the shallow cut, and walked behind me. He cut the rope tying me to the chair and I cursed myself when I found there was nothing I could do despite being set free.

If there was ever going to be a chance to escape this was it and I couldn't do shit. Some part of SAMCRO I was, I thought to myself as I was hoisted to my feet only to be pushed down on the concrete floor seconds later.  
He tied my hands together again, this time in front of me and before I knew it I was up on the balls of my feet, hanging from a chain from the ceiling as Kyle was walking around me, taking in my body with those disgusting eyes of his.

This way, even if I would have had the strength to fight back I wouldn't have been able to and that gave him full access to my bleeding body, something that made my stomach turn.  
"Even with all the blood and cuts you still look good enough to eat, Lil." Kyle licked his lips and traced a finger over the edge of my bra.  
"Go to hell, Kyle." I hissed and stared into his eyes with as much strength I could conger up, which by now wasn't much at all. I knew exactly what he was about to do and was well aware of the fact that I was only dressed in a pair of jeans shorts and a bra.  
"Well, if I'm going there I intend to take you with me." The knife once again traveled up my legs and I hissed when he sliced through my jeans on both sides before tearing them off me.

I never closed my eyes, no matter what he did to me for the passing hours. I kept staring at him, not wanting to think he broke me and I tried to hold in the pained whimpers but in the end I just wasn't strong enough.

I never had been.

* * *

It was a puffy-eyed Jules that opened the door to the boys from Charming, nodding in greeting to Clay and Happy, too tired to even acknowledge the others and just led the way into the kitchen where the L.A-charter had been sitting for an hour or so.

Clay walked up to the President and embraced him while the others greeted each other and giving their condolences to Kozik for what had happened before sitting down.  
"Good to see you again, Dog." Clay greeted the big man who greeted him back with a sullen look on his face.  
"We're all glad you here, Clay." Both Presidents sat down as well before starting the meeting.  
"Okay, so what do we know?" The older of the two men said and all eyes were directed to LA's VP, Pope.  
"We've started knocking on doors, talking to the people she works with, all of them say the same thing. That she's a great girl and they can't understand why someone would want to hurt her."

The youngest of the patched LA-members, Flea, spoke up.  
"I tried to look up as much as I could on her digital life but my skills are nowhere as good as Juicy-boy's, so that might still give us something to go on."  
Clay turned his eyes to Juice.  
"You and Flea start working on that, I want to know everything about who she might have come in contact with since she moved here."

Not exactly being a computer-wiz he didn't realize just how much work that was but neither of the young men would tell him. If it helped them find Lil they would do anything.  
"Alright, everyone get settled in and eat something." Clay said. In an hour I want you all ready to do whatever we need to do to get our Princess back.  
"Ray!" Dog called one of his closest friends, a very quiet man but very capable at his job. "When the boys are done I want you to go with them, make sure they get where they're going."

The man just nodded, a simple gesture but the determination showing in those green eyes of his made Clay realize that this man loved Lily as if she had been his daughter.

~SOA~

"Thanks for letting us use your place, Jules." Happy said and placed his bag on Jules' bed.  
"No problem, anything for family, right?" The model shrugged tiredly.  
"Julie..." Happy walked up to her and placed his hand at the back of her neck and made her face him. "We'll find her."  
"Yeah, and what if we can't?" Jules felt the tears form in her eyes. "What if we're too late? What if..."  
"Hey!" Happy's hands on her shoulders shook her out of her rambling. "We will find her and when we do you'll be the first one to know, I promise." He spoke softly but there was that determination that showed Jules that he was as upset about the situation as she was.

"Hap, I was the last one to see her last night. If I had just gone with her..."  
"You'd probably be laying dead in a ditch somewhere right now." Happy finished her sentence for her humorlessly because that really would have been the worst case-scenario. "No one here blames you for Lily's disappearance, I can guaranty you that. Now..." He moved his hand from her neck and gently cupped her face with both hands before kissing her softly. "Stop worrying and go help Gemma. Bringing two charters together we'll need all the food we can get."

"You do realize this is probably the only time I'll let you patronize me?" The model said with a raised eyebrow and placed her hands on her hips, pushing her worries aside for the time being.  
"You do realize you look incredibly hot when you do?" Happy responded with a smirk that made Jules snort.  
"In your dreams, Loman." The girl flipped her long blond hair and walked out of the room causing the Son's smirk to grow.

"All night long, baby-girl."

~SOA~

Two days had passed since SAMCRO arrived in L.A and everybody was on edge. They had questioned pretty much anyone who had come in personal contact with Lily over the past year and nothing. No one had a grudge against her, no weird phone-calls to her cell- or home phone, nothing to warn her about what was going to happen.

No one wanted to say it aloud but they all thought the same thing: What if they were too late to save her?  
They were sitting around the big dinner-table in Jules kitchen, discussing what they had done and what else could be done, because they were going to find Lily! No matter what.  
"We spoke to the manager, no threats, no strange phone-calls to Lily in the year she's been 'ere." Chibs said in a sigh.  
"And we did a deep background-check out the manager, no red flags. There's nothing on her, Clay." Juice said with an apologetic look on his face. He and Flea hadn't gotten any sleep for the past two days, hyped-up on caffeine and sugar, trying to find something, anything that could lead them to Lily only to have come up with absolutely nothing.

"Guys, what if we looked at all of this the wrong way?" Koz, who during the whole meeting had stared out the window, looked at them as if lightning had just struck him.  
"What do you mean?" Dog asked, not quite understanding what the Sergeant at Arms was getting at.  
"I don't think he truly wants to destroy Lily." He explained. "Think about it." He took out the note that had been left at the clubhouse for them three nights ago.  
"The bastard refers to her as the 'Princess of SAMCRO'... I think he's from Charming."

"Because he knows the mother charter's called SAMCRO? Try again pixie-boy." Tig snorted but Kozik didn't pay him any attention.  
"He knows about her nickname, maybe it's a coincidence but it was Tig who gave it to her, right?"  
This was starting to get everyone's attention and you could literally hear the wheels in their heads turning.  
"Guys... I think he's SAMCRO."

This started mumbles throughout the room and Sack spoke up.  
"But anyone in Charming would know that Lil and Tig aren't... on good terms anymore." He had been about to say 'family' but stopped when he noticed a small change in Tig's demeanor.  
"So... Former Son then?" Flea asked.  
"With something against Tig." Happy added.

"Kyle Hobart." Jax groaned and as soon as they got the name everything fell into place for them.

"But why me?" Tig said, as if unaffected by the whole conversation.  
"You were the one who burnt that tattoo off of him." Bobby explained.  
"Like he said, it was the only thing he had left. Now he's set out to destroy the one thing that you have." Jax thought aloud. "Lily."  
"Juice! I want to know every real estate Kyle owns! I don't care if it's here in L.A, in Charming or wherever. Find it!" Clay shouted and Juice sprung from his seat and quickly got to work while everyone got ready to pull out.

Kozik walked up to Clay.  
"Do you really think he'll still be there? It's been nearly three days..."  
"He's dumber than he thinks. He'll be there." Clay said firmly but Kozik knew that there was something the President wasn't telling him.  
"There's something else, isn't there? That makes you think he's still there."  
"You're not gonna like it." Kozik braced himself, he may not like it but he needed to know.  
"Tell me."

Clay looked around to see everyone getting busy with gearing up for the upcoming rescue, whether it was there in L.A or back in Charming they all needed to be ready, and he lowered his voice as he spoke.  
"He's always had a thing for younger pussy, and let's just say he liked Lily little too much for his own good." Clay explained although it pained him to think about it.  
"He stalked her?" Koz was seeing red but he managed to keep his voice somewhat steady.  
"Yeah, Tig caught him once. Let's just say it didn't end good." Despite his words Clay smiled, bastard deserved the beating he got that day.  
"So when we find her..." Not if, not if, he reminded himself! "What can I expect?"

Clay didn't want to do this to the man but he'd asked and he needed to know what he was in for.  
"Kyle Hobart is a sadistic motherfucker. He's had her for three days, she'll be beaten up really bad and I think it's safe to say she'll have been raped."  
Clay's voice was void of any emotion because he just couldn't bare to think of his god-daughter in that way. He wanted to think of her as the strong woman she was and not as the scared and scarred girl he knew they would find.

"We got it, Clay!" Juice ran up to them. "He owns a closed garage called the 'New Haven' not too far from here."  
"Where?" They all stood up and headed for the door.  
"South Central!" Juice called back.  
"I know where that is, it's 20 minute away!" Dog said and before they could say anything else they were out on the street, starting up their bikes and riding to save their princess.

* * *

**Another chapter is out! I really hope you liked it and please, please, drop me a comment after you read because your words just makes me so happy!  
Thanks for reading!  
**


	21. We're all human in the end

**Hi everyone! After a few hectic weeks with exams, drama and plenty of exciting things I'm back with a new chapter. I really hope you enjoy it!**  
**PS. And I just wanna send big thank-you-hugs to everyone who's encouraging words and support has helped me finish this chapter! This one is for you!**

**Trouble! - Chapter 21 – We're all human in the end**

* * *

Even though I was barely conscious I had never been so happy in my life. I heard the deafening sound of at least ten Harleys, felt the rumble under my feet and just knew I was safe.  
I was bleeding badly, my arms hurt from being suspended for two days straight, I was so hungry and thirsty I couldn't see straight but despite them being just outside of the building I couldn't call out to them.  
The last thing I remember hearing was the door coming off its hinges and hitting the dirty floor with a bang and the sound of familiar faces calling my name before I slipped out of consciousness.

* * *

"Holy Shit!" Jax exclaimed when he saw the lifeless girl hanging from the chain in the ceiling.

"Lily! Can you hear me?"  
Happy, Tig and Kozik were the first ones to reach her. Kozik ran up to her to check for a pulse while Happy and Tig loosened the chain that was holding her up.  
"Is she...?" Half-Sack started but his voice broke before he could finish.

"Alive. But we need to get her to a hospital. Now." Kozik said as Tig took out his K-Bar and carefully cut through the ties around his sister's hands before Kozik took the girl in his arms and carried her out to the car they had waiting.

The LA-guys had finished clearing the rest of the garage, Kyle Hobart was nowhere to be found and Tig didn't know which made him more furious: The fact that the coward had once again ran away or the state Lily was in.  
"Tig!" Kip called for him as the other guys left for the hospital with Lily.  
"Huh?" Tig tore himself back into reality.  
"You comin', man?  
"Uh... Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll meet you at the hospital." Tig said as he knelt and picked up his sister's necklace, the one she rarely ever took off. A plain chain with a clean-cut silver cross that used to be their mother's and a silver anarchy-symbol that she had gotten from him soon after he'd been patched in.

Kip looked at him wondering for a few seconds before turning to Flea, Boon, Ray and the Prospect.

"Why don't you guys go ahead? We'll catch up." The guys left and the second they heard the Harleys start up Kip turned back to the older man.  
"Okay, what's up?"  
"'What's up'? You think you have the right to ask me what's up?" Tig asked in a superior voice as he walked toward the club's newest patched-in member.  
"I know you still care about Lil, a lot more than you let on." Kip said, causing the Sergeant at Arms to stop in his tracks. "So why pretend you don't?"  
"You think you're so smart, don't you?" Tig asked and this time he sounded genuinely angry. "Figured everything out did you?"

Kip felt his heart beat a little harder but he stood his ground. He knew he was right and he was going to make the Sergeant realize it.  
"What are you so afraid of?" Tig looked ready to kill him right then and there with his bare hands but kept his silence as if interested to see if Kip was actually right.  
"You're scared she might hate you, aren't you?"

Despite having so many different feelings boiling inside of him Tig had admit that the kid was getting good at reading people and finally gave up on denying that he was right.

"How did you know?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair while the other was still clutching Lily's necklace.  
"At first I didn't." Kip said and smiled a little. "At first I figured you were just a jerk who wanted to keep Lily to himself..."  
"But then?" Tig asked, wanting to hear what had given him away.  
"Then I, and everyone else around you, started seeing the changes in you. And everyone assumed it was because you were angry but I knew it was because you were lost. You didn't know who you were anymore when you didn't have Lily to live for."

_Spot on!_

"Why didn't you say anything to her? Why didn't you call her or at least admit to someone that you miss her?" Kip questioned.  
"Then I really would have lost her." Tig said and he knew how pathetic he must have looked. "If I admitted that she was gone it would be real and I couldn't handle that."

"Look man, I know I'm crossing a line here but it's Lily so I don't care." Kip took a breath and steadied himself for saying the last thing he'd ever say in this life.  
"Get that head out of your ass and put it back to good use. Now get on your bike and go see your little sister, no matter what has happened between the two of you she needs you."

A few months back the prospect probably wouldn't be breathing after that speech, but now, for the first time, Tig saw that the kid might just be ready for that patch.

* * *

The sight that greeted the two men at the hospital was mighty and under any other circumstances Tig would have been proud that so many people cared this much about his sister.  
The hallway to the OR was filled with patches, grim faces that mostly kept staring out in space and an extremely worried and pacing Jules that was starting to get on everybody's nerves but no one had the heart to tell the girl to sit the fuck down.

They were all waiting for news on Lily and Tig knew how everyone in the hallway felt. Useless.  
Unable to do anything to help the girl they all loved.

They sat like that for hours, waiting for something to happen, anything to take their minds off of Lily's condition. Jules had finally gotten so exhausted that she'd fallen asleep and was now resting in Happy's lap, the former Nomad running his fingers through her blonde hair to calm himself down.  
Some slept, others stayed awake, some went for coffee and some got food but no one left the hospital that night.

They had finally found her and they weren't going to leave her alone again.  
Never again!

"Lily Trager?" A man wearing scrubs walked up to them and in a heartbeat everyone in the hallway was wide awake and up on their feet.  
"Yes!" Both Tig and Kozik answered, the volume catching the doctor by surprise.  
"You're all family?" He asked and looked over their shoulders, seeing more than 20 people cramped in the hallway.  
"Yes." Clay answered and walked up to the man. "How is she, doc?"  
"Well, she's got a broken wrist, several fractured ribs, a pretty bad concussion, numerous cuts all over her body, some are shallow but most of them are relatively deep. And I'm sorry to tell you that... tests showed she was raped... Several times"

The doctor seemed to hesitate at his own words but it was his job to let the family know.

"Jesus Christ!" Chibs exclaimed and started pacing while most people's eyes went to Tig and Kozik.  
"When can we see her?" Kozik asked, his voice thick with the tears he didn't show.  
"She's still sedated from the surgery but you can all wait for her once she gets to her room. I'll have a nurse show you the way." The doctor said and placed a hand on Kozik's shoulder, revealing a reaper-tattoo on his hand.

"I'm really sorry, brother."  
"Thanks." Kozik watched as the man walked away before turning to the group in front of him with a tired sigh. "I need some coffee."

* * *

Stupid coffee-machine! Wouldn't work even if he beat the shit out of it, not that he hadn't tried it just to be sure. His knuckles hurt and his blood was racing, he wanted to see Lily so bad but at the same time he didn't. It wasn't going to be her and from what he knew about the "after-effects" of... rape, she wouldn't be the same for a long time.

"No coffee?" The blonde looked up and met a pair of blue eyes that he longed to see again, although they belonged to the wrong person.  
"Damn machine's broke. Stole my quarter too." Koz mumbled and rested his head in his hands.  
"Not surprised, you banged it up pretty good." Tig sat down next to his old enemy, watching the man's hands shake as he tried to hide it by cracking his bruised knuckles.

"I'm sorry, Tigger... This was all my fault..." The blonde felt a cold tear run down his cheek. "If I hadn't come after her in the first place she... She got hurt because of me, Tig. I'm so sorry."  
"Hey, you listen to me, brother." Tig grabbed a firm hold of the crying man's shoulders and straightened him up, literally. "This is only gonna happen once so you better listen carefully, and if you dare mention this conversation to Lily I'm gonna chop off your dick and forcefeed it to ya."

Kozik just nodded.

"If anyone should take the blame for this it's me. I forced her out of Charming, I was the selfish one and I abandoned her when she needed me the most. So stop putting yourself down over this, get over there and be the man my sister fell in love with. You'll be the first person she'll want to see."

Kozik just looked at the man next to him without a word. He'd never hated Tig or ever really disliked him but ever since the death of Missy they had been enemies, whether he'd liked it or not but now that hostility was gone. Tig was looking at him like a brother and not as a piece of trash and with a small smile Koz wiped away the final tear.  
"Yeah, well you're gonna be second if I know Lil as good as I think I do." He stood up and placed a hand on Tig's shoulder before finally walking away.  
"Thanks man."

* * *

**Kozik's POV**

I don't think my heart had ever beaten this hard before, at least not since the first time I saw her.  
With one hand on the doorknob I took a deep breath to mentally prepare myself for the sight that was about to meet me. But it didn't matter!  
I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone and there was no way this was not going to change that. I took another deep breath and opened the door, stepping into the room and seeing the thing that I never wished to see again.

My angel, the love of my life, laying in a hospitalbed, arm in a cast, her face all bruised up and her dark hair looked colored by the blood, or maybe that was just my imagination, as I walked up to her on shaky legs and sat down next to the bed.  
I reached out a hand to stroke her bruised cheek but stopped myself for a second, I didn't want to hurt her but I needed to feel her skin against mine again. I needed to know this wasn't a dream.  
The second my fingers traced the outline of her cheekbone the girl snapped her eyes open, I almost jumped at the shock but at the same time I had never been happier to see those bright blue eyes.

"Lil..." I started but she cut me off, looking around the room with wide eyes.  
"Where am I?"

She looked as if she'd just woken from a bad dream but when I reached out a hand to calm her down she backed away with fear in her eyes.  
"Who the hell are you?"

My heart felt like it would never beat again. Had she really just asked me what I think she had?

"Lily... It's me, Kozik." She just looked at me like I was crazy. "Your fiancee?"

"I... I have no fiancee..."

* * *

** A/N: Cliffhanger anyone? Yay!  
Please let me know what ya'll thought! I really hope you liked the chapter!**


	22. Bringing her home

**Trouble – Chapter 22 – Bringing her home**

**A/N: Hi people! This one is a little bit longer than usual and I thought it was time since I've been taking a little longer than usual to post :D  
The picture of Dog's Old Lady is on my profile, so enjoy!**

* * *

"What do you mean she's lost her memory?" Gemma asked the former Son, well more like requested the information out of him with that stern look on her face.

"Exactly what I said. If it's the attack or something else she wants to forget I don't know but she doesn't know who she is anymore." The man shook his head. He had always heard stories of the biker-queen but this was his first time meeting her in person, and what he'd heard about her protecting her family at any cost was true because he was actually a little frightened of her.

"Butch!" A loud voice was heard through the corridor and the hair on the doctor's neck stood up at the sight of the Latina stomping towards him, her 5 inch heels echoing in the corridor, her long brown hair flowing behind her and a fire in her eyes.  
"Oh shit." Dog sighed and ran a hand through his hair at the sight of his Old Lady. "Malena, what are you doing here? I thought I told the Prospect to call you..."  
"Oh, he did!" The woman was furious and even Gemma felt a surge of discomfort go through her as those dark eyes seemed to turn into liquid fire. "And he told me what happened."

She pushed past her husband and walked up to the doctor known as Butch.  
"What are you doing to fix this?" She stared the man down who nervously looked into her dark eyes.  
"It's not a question about what we can do anymore, M. There is nothing wrong with her head, apart from the concussion. The memory loss is due to the shock and it's the brains way of shutting out all the horrible things. Now it's all up to her."

"That's not good enough!" Malena's whole body shook in anger, the dogtags hanging from her neck clattered as Dog placed a strong hand on her shoulder and turned her around before pulling her into an embrace. "We have to do something, Dog. She's our girl, we can't just leave her like this."  
"And we won't." Gemma said, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder. "Doctor, what can we do to help her?"  
All eyes were now turned to the former Son and he scratched the back of his head before answering.

"Well, we're not yet sure what exactly she does remember but either way familiar surroundings usually help. The most important thing right now is for Lily to feel safe and loved. She has no idea who she is or where she is, you can all imagine how scared and confused she must be."  
Clay looked around the corridor, his eyes falling on Tig and for he first time in a long time he saw raw emotion on the man's face and he knew what to do.  
"We'll take her back to Charming. It's where she grew up, where her family is." Tig lifted his face a little, the thought of having his little sister back in Charming almost seemed too good to be true.

"It might be the best thing for her." Butch agreed. "I'll go see when she's safe enough to travel." He nodded to his old President who gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder in return.  
Dog let go off his wife, who along with Gemma went to visit Lily, and motioned Kozik to come to him.  
"Look, Dog, I..." He started but was cut short by the other man.  
"I'll make sure to get your transfer-papers in order by the time you leave." He smiled and the look on Kozik's face when he realized that he would be able to stay with Lil would have been enough to make the most miserable cunt grin widely.  
"Thanks man." Koz pulled the President into a tight hug, not quite able to hold back the tear that rolled down his face.

_****SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA****_

Gemma looked at the Latina walking next to her with a determined look on her face. She'd only met Malena Darwin once before and that was when the younger woman had just been honorably discharged from the navy. She had been a lot more easy-going back then, hadn't exactly known about what business the club was involved in, and had just started falling in love with the, back then, VP called Dog.

Now she really would give Gemma a run for her money if it came down to it. She didn't have that goofy grin on her face the way she used to. She stood tall, dressed properly and had a pair of eyes that could stare a man to death if needed.

"Are you ready?" Malena asked when they reached the door to the room where their beloved princess was.  
"Yeah." Gemma said and walked through the door, Malena following not far behind.

The girl on the bed looked nothing like the Lily they both knew. This one was pale and thin, bruises and cuts over her face and arms, her wrist in a cast and her big blue eyes were looking at them as if they could possibly attack her at any moment.

"Who are you?" She asked, her voice trembling slightly.  
"It's okay, honey." Gemma said and took a small step towards the bed.  
"We're friends." Malena continued. "We just came to see how you were feeling."

Both women sat down next to the bed seeing as Lily had visibly relaxed.  
"A little dizzy still..." Lily admitted and looked down on her hands, fidgeting with the blanket. "And scared."  
The two Old Ladies shared a quick glance before Malena slowly reached out to take the girl's shaking hand in hers.

"I know you're scared, sweetie. We can't imagine what you're going through right now." She felt the girl relax even more.  
"But we're here to help you. So you mustn't be afraid of us, okay?" Gemma smiled at the girl and for a even a millisecond a smile ghosted over Lily's lips.  
"Okay." A tear escaped her eye. "Sorry." She mumbled as she quickly wiped it away.  
"Never say you're sorry." Malena said with a small squeeze of the hand. "They say it's a sign of weakness. And despite what you might think right now, you are anything but weak. Do you hear?"  
Lily nodded with something that sounded like a very small and hoarse chuckle but it was enough to lift the atmosphere of the whole room.

Looking at the former Marine, Gemma felt almost a surge of pride go through her. The kid had grown up into an Old Lady alright and watching her with Lily Gemma wondered why she and Dog didn't have any kids.

Because that's what Lily was right now. A kid.  
She was left all alone in a world that she knew nothing of, without knowing who she was or who her family was. But what the girl didn't know was that she would have a group of bikers behind her all the way as she tried to remember that. A group of people who loved her, and who would gladly give up their lives to save hers.

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Looking out the window of the car Lily didn't think she'd ever felt more lost.  
She didn't know where she was or when they'd gotten there but one thing she didn't know was that Gemma was currently tapping on the window, softly waking her from her drug-induced sleep.

"Hey, sweetheart." She opened the door. "You hungry?"  
She was still a little numb from the morphine still in her system but Lily figured she should at least be a little hungry by then so she nodded and slowly got out of the car.  
"Tig! Get over here." Lily looked at the woman with frightened eyes as the curly-haired biker walked up to them but Gemma just smiled gently.

"He's not gonna hurt you, baby. If I can trust him, so can you." The older woman knew Kozik was watching them from across the parking lot with a sad look on his face but he had agreed to the idea of letting Lily find her way back to Tig before he could slowly step back into her life again. Build a foundation around her similar to the one she'd had before they'd left for LA.

"It's okay, Tinkerbell." Tig held out his hand to the girl allowing her to take it at her own pace and slowly, very slowly Lily took the hand and allowed him to support her into the diner.  
Although he was helping her he still scared her. Despite that gentle smile on his face his blue eyes reminded her of something or someone, and it literally terrified her that she couldn't remember.

Tig noticed how the girl immediately tensed up when he walked up to the women but he tried not to let it hurt him. He'd have to get used to it because he knew trust didn't come easy to his sister, whether or not she was her charming self.  
He could feel Kozik watching them as they were on their way into the diner, a part of him feeling sorry for the man but another part that triumphed over the fact that she, in a way, was his again.  
He'd realized that the man loved his sister, that's he'd be willing to give up his life for her but he still found it hard to let go of the hate he held for him.

Kozik felt like a dark raincloud was storming over his head as he watched the small, fragile girl supporting herself on the brother she didn't know she had. He wanted to badly to go over there, push Tig out of the way and pull Lily into his arms, kiss her and just let her know how much she meant to him.  
But he knew he couldn't and it broke his heart. He really did love Lily, he'd even asked her to marry him and although she hadn't wanted to "seal the deal" without her brother's blessing she'd still worn the ring for the world to see. To show that she was his and his alone.

She didn't have his crow yet though. She said it was because she wanted Happy to do it but Kozik knew she didn't want to get it without Tig being a part of her life. She'd felt like if she 'd gotten it when they talked about it she would have forever shut her brother out and although she loved both men she didn't want to go through choosing between them again.

He sat down a couple of tables away from the siblings together with Juice, Opie, Happy and Jules. He tried to focus on the menu but his eyes just couldn't keep themselves off Lily. He missed her so much and he'd give anything in the world to be able to hold her hand again.  
Anything.

**_*SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA*_**

It was dark night when they reached the outskirts of Charming and although they were all tired Lily had won the title. After having filled up on a couple of fries and a bite of a hamburger at the diner she'd fallen asleep as soon as she'd laid down in the car again and slept the whole way home, something that worried Gemma a bit but she knew it was to be expected. They'd decided that Lily would be staying at the Teller-Morrow residence, at least until she'd gotten a little stronger. Tig had agreed saying that it was the best place for her to stay but Gemma knew he'd really hoped for her to stay with him.

Carrying the sleeping girl up the stairs Tig felt a little nostalgic, all those years ago when he'd first patched in with the club he'd often had to get a sleeping Lily off the couch and up into her room. She'd have been worried about him so she'd refused to go to bed until he'd actually come home and looking at her now he realized how happy he'd been back there. Despite the family being broken at times he and Lily had always been just that: Lily and Alex. Tigger and Tinkerbell.

First now he truly understood how much he'd missed her. Her laughter, her temper, those sparkling blue eyes, that voice... He didn't know how he could have survived a whole year without her.  
He only knew that he would never let her go again.

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"Lily?" Tig knocked as he opened the front-door, waiting for permission to enter the Teller-Morrow residence.  
"I'm up here." The girl called back, making him walk into the house and up the stairs to the guestroom where the girl pretty much had been holed up for the past week.

She was sitting in bed, covers pulled up to her waist and dressed in an old SAMCRO-shirt, her face a little less swollen than the last time he'd seen her.

"Hey." Tig walked into the room but stopped once inside, not wanting to make her more uncomfortable than she already was around him. "How're you feeling?"  
"Better I guess." The girl fidgeted a little with the covers. "Where's Gemma?" She asked, her voice hesitant as is afraid to talk to him.  
"Busy at work. Asked me to check up on you."  
"Oh, that's nice of you." She said quietly but politely.  
"Yeah."

Tig scratched the back of his head, at conflict at what to do. On one hand he was her brother and it was his job to comfort her and make her feel better but on the other hand he was nothing but a stranger to her, a gruff-looking, scary stranger and knowing that she at that moment was afraid of anyone that wasn't Gemma he had no idea at what to do.  
"Tara says you're healing pretty good..." God, he felt like a clown not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, I'm getting there. But right now the nightmares are worse than the injuries." She said, raising her bruised hand up to brush her bangs out of her eyes and Tig felt the anger rise in his chest at the purple/blue skin covering the thin wrist.  
"What nightmares, sweetheart?" He asked using the calm voice he always used to talk Gemma out of a frenzy.  
"About what happened." Lily said after a few moments of silence, causing her brother's blood to freeze in his veins.

He slowly took a step towards the bed but stopped when he noticed the girl tense.

"I give you my word I'm not gonna hurt you, Lily. I just want to help you, okay." He assured with his hands raised in surrender and sat down on the side of the bed, and even though she was still tense he saw how Lily visibly relaxed at his words.  
"What do you remember about what happened?" Tig looked into her eyes an what he saw in them frightened him.  
"Everything..."

And so Lily started talking him through what had happened after she'd woken up tied to a chair and Tig could feel his heart beating so hard in anger he thought it would explode when his sole reason for living explained every detail of the rape to him with tears running down her swollen, beat-up face.

When Lily was finished telling she wiped away her tears with a shaking hand.  
"And that's when I woke up at the hospital with all of you guys."  
"Guess we kinda frightened you, huh?" Tig chuckled a little, hiding the madness inside of him.  
"Yeah." She chuckled back. "Some of you still do by the way." Lily admitted with a slightly ashamed tone in her voice.

"Really?" He laughed. "Who frightens you, sweetheart?" He placed his hand on hers, immediately regretting it as he felt her flinch at his touch but when he was about to remove it she quickly placed her injured hand on top if his with a shake of her head.  
"It's okay, really. I'm just not used to being touched yet." She explained and Tig nodded as he allowed his big hand to cover her smaller one once again.  
"So?"  
"Well, I guess Clay is on the top of the list for the obvious reasons. Then there's Happy: He's really nice to Jules and everything but he hasn't said a word to me since I came here. And there's that blonde one, Kozik right?"

Tig had to fight a laugh.

"Whenever he's around he keeps looking at me like I'm some sort of a lost puppy but he never walks up to me or even speaks to me. He just watches and it creeps me out." She shivered a little at the thought and although Tig knew he shouldn't he still felt a little glad she'd forgotten the blonde, that she was all his again.

"Look, there is no need for you to be afraid of any of us, Lily." Tig squeezed her hand slightly. "No matter how scary we may look or how little we talk to you everyone in the club loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. Most of them just don't know how to approach you after you after what happened."  
"You seem to be doing alright." The girl smiled and Tig was amazed she could still smile after everything she'd been through.  
"I guess that' because you remind me of someone." He explained fleetingly as he turned his attention to the ceiling to get away from the subject but Trager-stubbornness wasn't something that could be cured by a simple amnesia.  
"Who?" She shook his hand a little to get his attention, much like she'd done back when she was five years old.

"My little sister." He smiled sadly.  
"Oh, are you close?" She asked and pushed aside the irony of having that conversation with said little sister.  
"Used to be." He simply answered but his short answer seemed to have pegged the girl's curiosity further.  
"What happened?"

Tig sighed and finally turned his face back to her.  
"I was an asshole. That's what happened." He all but snapped at her but she didn't seem too bothered by it. "You know Kozik, he and I have some... history together..."  
"And let me guess, you hate him." Lily said with a raised eyebrow.  
"You could say that." Tig laughed a little. "Well, he fell in love with her and she fell for him and so they started going out behind my back, behind everyone's backs for that matter. And when she finally told me I just... I just lost it."

Lily looked at him with questioning eyes and knowing she wouldn't understand unless he spelled it out for her he sighed.  
"I hit her and I told her never to come around me or Charming again." He felt the tears sting in his eyes and ran his hand over his face as he tried to push the remembrance of the feeling of his fist connecting with her face out of his head. "The next day they were gone, both of them. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since then."

Technically he was telling the truth. The girl in front of him wasn't his sister, she may have looked like Lily 'The Tinkerbell' Trager but she just... wasn't.

"But Kozik is here..." The girl's voice brought him back out of his thoughts. "So where is she?"

"_How to answer this one?"_ He thought to himself.

"We don't know." He finally said. "She left a while back and no one has heard from her since then..."  
"And you have somehow twisted the whole thing so you're responsible?" Tig looked at her, suppressing the urge to get up from the bed and scream at her that she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.  
"I am responsible," His voice was eerie calm and any other girl would have been shivering in a corner at the sound of it but apparently there was more left of Lily in the girl than anyone would have thought.

"Oh, bu-hu." She mock-cried. "Poor little Tigger is throwing a pity-party all by himself."  
Tig let go of her hand, a little more forceful than he probably should have, and stood up to face her as he pointed a long, ring-clad finger at her face.

"You don't know shit about my sister, and you sure as hell don't know shit about me. So do yourself a favor and stop pretending that you do." He hissed before stalking out of the room, his Harley leaving the Teller-Morrow residence's driveway minutes later.

**_**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**_**

**Tig's POV**

Who the hell did she think she was? Belittling me like that when she knew nothing...  
Deep inside I knew that she was Lily and that telling me those words was just her messed up way of telling me what I needed to hear, but I just couldn't swallow it and let that be that.

The rest of the day passed painfully slow and thankfully, seeing that I was in a piss-poor mood pretty much everyone left me alone. Surprisingly even Kozik stayed out of my way, something that I greatly appreciated but it seemed like the only one who didn't care for her safety was the mighty biker-queen herself.  
She had decided to come up to me just as I was yelling and cursing at one of the new prospects for touching my tools, which she had obviously considered great timing.

Gemma, who wasn't know for her habit of sugar-coating things, asked me straight out why I was acting like a grumpy five year old and why Lily hadn't answered the phone when she'd called earlier.  
I'd told her with as much patience and self-restraint as I could muster up, which I at that point was running short on, that it was none of her goddamn business and that I was a mechanic, not a fuckin' baby-sitter.

Annoyed with my attitude Gemma left me alone but as she passed Kozik on her way back to the office she asked him if he could be so kind as to check up on Lil because, and I quote, her asshole brother sure as hell wasn't going to.  
Glaring at him as he passed me by on the way to his bike I silently cursed as I realized that I was repeating the exact same mistake as a year before. I was successfully pushing my sister away and straight into his arms again.

Guess you really couldn't teach an old dog to sit after all...

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**Lily's POV**

Hearing as the biker sped down the street I knew I'd crossed the line with him, but I'd had this strange feeling that it was going to stop him from drowning in his own guilt... How wrong was I?

God, why did he have to leave before I could ask him to get my dinner from the fridge downstairs? I was so hungry I didn't know what to do and although I was healing nicely according to doctor Knowles, I was still hurting enough not to want to get out of bed by myself.

Half an hour passed like that, with me literally feeling like some pathetic princess waiting for someone to come save me from my hunger but when no one came I reached over to the nightstand with the bottle of vicodin, popped two in my mouth and slowly, very slowly got out of the bed.

To my surprise it didn't actually hurt that bad moving around, not that I was jumping up and down yet but still. I made it to the stairs and I started to think about the best way to get down.  
After a few minutes I finally figured that the children's way of doing it was probably the best, crawl backwards.  
It actually worked, it hurt but soon enough I was down the stairs and was about to walk into the kitchen when I heard a quick knock on the door before it was swung open, revealing the strange blonde biker called Kozik.

He looked like he'd seen a ghost and looking at me I could see him catch his breath before speaking up, seemed like he'd hurried to get there.  
"Are you okay?" He asked as he entered the house, checking the rooms as if to see if someone else was there.  
"Hungry as hell but other than that I'm fine." I said with a teeny tiny smile, was he worried about me?  
"You sure? No one's here who shouldn't be? No strange phone-calls?" He looked somewhat frantic.

"No... Why, did something happen?" I was starting to freak out but he just shook his head with a relieved sigh.  
"Gemma was worried about you, said she called you but that you hadn't picked up so she asked me to check up on you."

I felt something tighten in my chest, so he was only there because Gemma had sent him.  
"Well, as you can see I'm fine so go run back to the queen."

**Kozik's POV**

She walked away without so much as a second glance at me. What did she have to be angry about? I'd just explained why I was there, nothing to get upset about.

"Why are you upset with me?" I asked as I followed her into the kitchen, watching as she rummaged through the fridge, most likely for something to eat.  
"I'm not upset." She pouted and with a small smile I rolled my eyes at how cute she looked, even in spite of the bruises covering her face.  
"Oh, but you are, Tinkerbell." She looked at me funny at the mention of her nickname. "I can read you like an open book, no matter how much you try to hide something from me."

She pouted again and made a little frustrated sound, much like a small child.

"What is it with you people and being able to read me? First Gemma, then Tig and now you, can't I have any secrets from you people?" She groaned but I just looked her straight in the eye with a serious look on my face.  
"We're a family. Families don't keep secrets." I explained and my words seemed to throw her off her game a little.  
"But you're all keeping secrets from me." She whispered and broke eye contact as I just looked at her questioningly. "Everyone in this 'family' seems to know more about me than I do... Hell, this whole town seems to know more about me than I do!" She exclaimed and I realized that it must be killing her not to know who she is.

But we had been told to slowly introduce her into the life again and to be very careful not to unload everything on her. That was why we had all decided to keep her relationship to both me and Tig from her until she figured things out on her own.. or until she really got her memory back completely.

"What is it you want to know?" I asked and I saw her eyes starting to water as she took a deep breath to clear her thoughts, an old habit of hers since before I'd known her.  
"Are my parents alive?" She started. "Do I have any siblings? And if I do, how many and are they protective of me? Who did I go to prom with? Was I dating him and did my dad approve of him? Is there a meaning behind my tattoos? Did I have a job? Did I have pets growing up?... Did I... Do I have a boyfriend?"

That last question literally stopped my heart for a second. If only she knew how much I loved her, if only I could tell her...

"You really should lay down, sweetheart." I softly touched her arm to push her out of the kitchen but she spun away from me, her face paler than before and fully aware of what I was trying to do.  
"Don't change the subject. I know you know, now I need you to tell me." She looked me dead in the eyes and I knew I couldn't keep everything from her anymore. To hell with letting her figure it out on her own.

"Okay. Just go lay down on the couch, please. Before you collapse." I begged. "I'll get you something to eat, then I'll try to answer your questions the best I can."  
She hesitated but still did as I asked, slowly moving out of the kitchen and into the livingroom. Lily needed food ASAP and seeing as Gemma had completely forgotten to make the girl something to eat while she was out, I quickly whipped up some pancakes and soon enough I was sitting in one of the armchairs, watching the love of my life stuffing her face with a content look on her face.

"I'm still upset with you." She said with her mouth full of pancakes but I just laughed.  
"I bet you are but I'm just glad you're okay. I was worried something had happened to you when Gemma couldn't get a hold of you."  
"Gemma never called. The phone's been next to me all day and I would have hear if she had."

I looked at her confused until the lightbulb lit over my head, say what you wanted about the biker-queen but she was a smart woman. In her own little way she'd gotten me to break the silence with Lily and introduced me back into her life in a fairly normal way.

Without either of us noticing the time flew by as I answered all her questions the best as I could. I completely left out Tig being her brother and the two of us being an item but she seemed pretty satisfied with it anyway but when my girl yawned for the third time in less than five minutes I turned from her beautiful face to the clock on the wall.

"I think you should get to bed." I said as I stood up to support her. "You need your rest." I helped her up but like a child she clung to my sleeve and refused to let go.  
"I don't want to sleep. The nightmares will come back if I do." She whispered with tears in her eyes.  
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I offered and smiled a little at the soft blush that spread across her cheeks.

"Stay with me." She mumbled silently but still looked me in the eyes. "I don't know why but I feel safe around you, maybe if you stay the dreams won't bother me."

I took the liberty of scooping her into my arms, softly not to hurt her still injured body but hard enough for her to feel the embrace. She instantly tensed up at my touch but quickly relaxed when she realized what I was doing and soon enough she was hesitantly bringing her arms around me as well causing my heart to do somersaults in my chest.  
"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do, Lily. Don't ever hesitate to ask me, okay?" I said into her hair, enjoying the familiar scent of my Old Lady again.

And that was how I ended up in the bed next to the love of my life, stroking her hair softly as she quietly drifted into sleep with her arms around me and her head on my chest and despite the circumstances I had never been happier to be close to her.

**_**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**_**

More exhausted than usual Gemma entered her home, throwing her keys on the dresser next to her bag and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. She'd noticed Kozik's bike still parked in the driveway and a smile planted itself on her lips as she lifted the glass to them, allowing the dark red liquid to run down her throat.

It had been the right thing to do, putting Lil and Kozik together again, having to spend some time alone without anyone looking over their shoulders.

But she hadn't expected it to go this good, Kozik staying over for so long so she just assumed he was passed out on the couch in the livingroom with Lily sleeping safely in her bed. But oh was she wrong, when she walked into said livingroom to find the couch empty only to walk up to Lily's room to find the couple sleeping in the bed, looking more than comfortable.

Pulling the covers up further over them before exciting the room, closing the door behind her as she picked up her cellphone and called Clay to let him know that any business the club had that night would have to be done without the blonde. He had more pressing matters to attend to.

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**A/N: Greetings to all you lovely people! This one is for all of you who took the time to read, review, follow and favorite the last chapter, you keep me going!**


	23. It's a biker's guarantee

**Trouble – Chapter 23- It's a biker's guarantee**

**Hi people! I'm back :D Unfortunately my writer's block has been going on for a while now but be sure that I am trying my best to write despite of it ;)  
I was taking a look at the reviews I've gotten on this story and I can't tell you just how much your response means to me so this chapter is dedicated to all you wonderful people out there!  
Enjoy!**

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**3 months after the accident**

As she marched over the lot everyone working at T-M knew not to get in Lily's way. Her strides were long and her face serious, her hands balled up into fists and the look in her eyes screamed for everyone to leave her alone.

Not even throwing a glance at Alex who was working on a bike not far from her, she stomped into the office, not bothering to knock, and shut the door behind her before throwing herself into one of the chairs across from Gemma without a word.  
The biker-queen looked up from her paper-work, seemingly surprised at the girl's behavior but kept quiet. Lily's thoughts were going a hundred miles an hour, looking like she didn't know how to get what was bothering her out in the open.

There was a long silence before she finally turned her eyes to her god-mother.  
"Would it be wrong for me to go on a date with Kozik?" She asked, her entire being so serious Gemma had trouble not laughing aloud.

'Would it be wrong?' She asked. The girl had fucked Kozik behind her brother's and the club's back for three years and she wondered if it would be wrong to go on a date with him? If only the girl had known the irony in her own words.

"So he finally asked you out, did he?" Gemma said and leaned back in her chair, trying her best to hide her grin.  
"Yeah. So what do I do?" Lily asked, sighing.  
"What do you mean?" Gemma quirked a perfect eyebrow to her question.  
"I mean... I haven't been with anyone since... You know." She squirmed a little in her seat. "What if he wants to sleep with me and I don't want to?"

Ah, so that's what was bothering her. Gemma nodded knowingly and sat up straight again.

"You know, I really don't think I'm the person you should ask about this." Lily looked at her, expecting an answer but none came.  
"Who then?"  
"Tig." Gemma simply said.  
"Alex?" Lily looked a little taken back. "Why him of all people?"  
"Let's just say I think he can shed a little light on your problem. If anyone should know about how a guy would handle a situation like this, it's him." Gemma winked with a smile as she got up and started ushering the girl out of the office, closing the door between her and Lily before the girl could even think to protest.

Shaking her head with a sigh Lily started walking up to the older man who had become sort of like a big brother to her since she arrived in Charming. Sure she liked all of the guys, but there was just something special about the blue-eyed man.  
"Hey, Tinkerbell. What's up?" Tig shaded his eyes from the sun with his hand as he looked up at the girl who still had no idea she was his little sister.  
"I need to talk to you... About a... guy-thing." This caught Tig's attention and putting down the wrench in his hand he stood up and walked her over to the picnic-table on the lot.

"What kind of guy-thing?" He asked as they sat down across from each other, wiping his greasy hands clean with a rag.  
"Well... I really don't know why Gemma said I should ask you but she's usually right so..." She took a breath, feeling a little silly talking about this. "Kozik asked me out and I..."  
"You're not sure you like him?" Tig finished for her when she was lost for words.  
"No. No, it's not that. I mean, I like him. But I'm just worried about... His intentions." Tig had to stop himself from smiling. It had been years since he'd seen his sister this innocent.  
"What worries you about them?" He asked softly, although feeling a little mushy talking about this subject.  
"Well..." Another deep breath. "What if he wants to do something and I... don't. How would a guy react to that?" She asked nervously, she liked Kozik so she was a little worried about what the answer was going to be.

Tig smiled a little as he remembered the conversation the other day in the garage.

"_Tig!" Kozik walked up to the man who turned around to face him. "Do you have a minute?" He seemed nervous and although Tig wasn't really on bad terms with the blonde anymore he still found it amusing to see him like that._  
"_What?" They walked away from the guys but soon enough Kozik stopped, turning to face him again._  
"_Listen man... I was thinking about something and I really need to hear what you have to say about it." He kept avoiding his gaze, making Tig impatient._

"_Spit it out, Blondie." At this Kozik stopped fidgeting with the hem of his long sleeve and looked the older man in the eyes._  
"_I want to ask Lily out. And I wanna know if you'd be okay with that."_

_Took him long enough to get it out, Tig thought._

"_You fucked her for more than two years behind my back, why ask me now?" His words may have seemed cruel but Tig had never been one for sugar-coating things, especially not with Kozik._  
"_Because I got a chance to make that right and I'm gonna take it. And even though Lily doesn't remember it it means the world to her to have your blessing..." Kozik's eyes turned even more serious but there was a small hint of pleading in them at the same time. "And truthfully it means a lot to me too, man."_

"You listen to me, Lil." Tig placed a calloused hand over her soft one. "I can't really tell you about how a guy in general would react, but I can tell you... In fact I can guarantee you that Kozik would never do anything to hurt you. I trust him with you. And if I can trust him, so can you." He smiled at her, knowing that if anyone had heard him say that he would never live to hear the end of it.

Lily looked up at the man in front of her. Somehow she got the feeling that she had just witnessed a miracle even though she couldn't quite explain it and so she got up and hugged the man so hard she thought it would hurt him but he didn't seem to mind it.  
She fit in his arms so perfectly it's was almost scary but it wasn't like with Kozik. She had more of a brotherly love for Alex and for Koz... Well, she didn't know if it was love or not but it was sure worth checking out.

Gemma looked out the window of her office and smiled proudly when she saw the Trager-siblings in a tight embrace, neither of them seeming to want to let the other go.  
She heard the door open behind her and sighed in content as her Old Man's arm went around her waist, pulling her close.  
"What have you been up to now, my Queen?" Clay kissed her cheek and followed his wife's gaze to the siblings still embracing out in the sun.  
"Just been fixing some things." She replied in a sly voice that caused Clay to groan with a smile on his face.

"Always up to no good, aren't you?" He stated causing Gemma to face him, looking at him from under her lashes in a very alluring way.  
"You have no idea, baby." She leaned in close enough to kiss him but decided to be a tease and leave less than a centimeter between their lips, finally pecking him on the tip of his nose before going back to the desk to continue her work, leaving her turned on Old Man to try and continue his work out in the garage. Thank God they were heading home in less than half an hour, Clay thought he could hold on until then.

_***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***_

Lily knew she shouldn't be nervous. It was just dinner... just the two of them... just a date.  
So why did she feel like her heart was going crazy in her chest at the thought of it?

She had called Kozik the night of the conversation with Alex and told him that she'd like to have that dinner with him and she could have sworn she'd heard his voice thicken at her words, why she didn't know but there was definitely something there.

She looked at herself in the mirror, although she looked good she felt like it might not be good enough for the biker. She was wearing a pair of tight dark pencil jeans, white tank-top, red plaid shirt and a pair of high-heeled black military-like boots. Her long black hair had been let out of her usual ponytail and was slightly curled. Her make-up was light, some blush, mascara and lipgloss and as simple as it was she looked absolutely stunning and although she didn't know it Kozik would have a hard time keeping his thoughts from getting dirty tonight.

A knock on the door pulled Lily from her thoughts and grabbing her cellphone for the nightstand she ran downstairs to answer the door, as usual not disappointed by the look that greeted her.  
Kozik was wearing his usual baggy jeans, long-sleeved gray shirt and that gorgeous leather cut to top it all off. His blonde hair was everywhere as always and the goofy, almost nervous, smile on his lips made Lily grin.  
"Hi."  
"Hey." He greeted back and Lily was contemplating on whether or not she should hug him but he spared her the ordeal by grabbing the car-keys out of her hand.  
"You won't be needing these tonight." He dangled them in front of her face causing her to place her hands on her hips with a raised eyebrow.  
"Then how do you propose I get to where we're going?" His goofy smile grew into a grin as he stepped aside to show his HD parked in her driveway. "You're trying to get me on that thing with you? In your dreams, Kozik." She tried to fetch her keys from the man but he just raised them too high for her to reach, causing her to stumble into his broad chest.  
"Trust me, you're gonna love it."

"_If I can trust him, so can you."_ Alex's words from the other day rushed through her head and although she still felt a little scared of the thought of sitting on a bike she decided to trust him.

Lily grabbed her keys from his hand and demonstratively placed them on the dresser in the hall before grabbing her jacket from the hanger and looking at him expectantly.  
"Well, lead the way, mister Reaper." She smirked and chuckled at the look on his face at the name.

She really had no idea what she was doing to him! Meeting him dressed like that, with that innocent yet mischievous smile on her soft lips that he wanted to kiss so badly it hurt...  
She was becoming more and more like herself everyday, dressing like she'd always loved to, returning to her old cocky, headstrong self... Even calling him mister Reaper, Kozik had to fight in order not to let his thoughts travel to the night she'd last called him that and what said night had consisted of...

He saw Lily closing and locking the door while discreetly looking him up and down, taking in what she saw and he hoped deep in his heart that maybe she could fall in love with him again as he walked over to his bike, Lily following closely behind.

He swung his leg over his beloved Dyna and handed his helmet to the girl who still stood next to him with a smile. She placed it on her head and secured it but looked lost for what to do so Kozik smiled and grabbed a gentle hold of her hand.  
"Swing one leg over the bike and just sit down behind me." He explained and held her hand as she did what she was told. "Now get your feet up and put your arms around me so you won't fall off."

She looked at him incredulously but he just laughed when she merely placed her hands on his hips thinking it should be enough.

"You ready?" He asked as he started up the bike and seeing her nod he pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street, smiling to himself when he felt Lily's arms make their way around his waist as she was startled by the unfamiliar feeling of being on a bike.  
"Where are we going?" She asked, having to shout over the loud rumble of the bike as she leaned her cheek against his shoulder, not to Kozik's disappointment.  
"You'll see." He smiled and winked causing the girl to pout cutely.

20 minutes later they were sitting at the movie theater, popcorn and sodas in hand as the mighty sound of Phantom of the Opera filled the cinema. Kozik, who knew it was Lily's favorite movie of all times, glanced over and saw the girl's arms completely covered with goosebumps. He really had chosen the right thing to watch it seemed.  
Lily couldn't believe she had never heard of this movie before today, it was so amazing! All the colors, the dancing, the music, the singing... She was under a spell and by _'Wishing you were somehow here again' _ her hand had somehow found Kozik's. It just happened and was so natural she didn't even notice she'd done it but the man beside her sure had.

The moment her soft hand placed itself in his his heart felt like it would burst open from happiness! He'd never thought he'd be able to hold her hand like that again and he had to stop himself from bringing it up to his lips and kiss it.

"That was so amazing! Did you see all the dances? The clothes, the lights, the singing... Oh my God, can you believe the songs?" Lily was holding his hand, dancing, twirling around with the widest grin on her face like that of a kid in a candy-store as she kept on rambling how utterly amazing the movie had been.  
Kozik looked at her with a smile on his lips, seeing her this happy you wouldn't actually think that her attack had ever happened. She was such a strong girl to have come out of that okay, apart from the amnesia but she was slowly, very slowly coming out of that as well.  
"Dance with me, Kozik!" Lily laughed and pulled him against her, grabbing him by his hand and waist, beginning to waltz with him and was surprised to see that he actually took the lead. He didn't strike her as the type who knew how to waltz.

"So I take it you liked it?" He laughed causing her eyes to shimmer and her lips to curl up.  
"It was amazing." They were so close their noses were almost touching and they both stopped moving to look into the other's eyes. "Thank you. I had a great time." She whispered as if speaking louder would cause the magic between them to disappear into thin air.  
"Oh, but we're not done yet, sweetheart." The man laughed and pulled her gently towards his bike again.

"What? But I thought..." Lily seemed a little surprised.  
"That the night was over? Sun hasn't even set yet, Lil. There's still one more stop for us to make before I can take you home." He winked and this time he didn't even have to tell her to get on the bike. She quickly took the helmet offered to her and wasn't late in wrapping her arms around his frame, basically pressing herself into the leather on his back.

Lily couldn't remember ever feeling like this before. She felt so warm when she was with him, like she was supposed to be with him. She felt like her entire life before the attack was one huge puzzle with a million little pieces that needed to fit together perfectly and when she was close to him that puzzle didn't seem that hard anymore.  
He cleared her head from everything bad around her, all the memories from the attack seemed a million miles away and somehow sitting on the back of a Harley with her arms around him made a thousand fireworks go off in her chest.

It took them about 20 minutes to reach their destination. It was within the Wehiwa-tribe's land, up on a hill with view of the entire reservation. Once they were there Kozik made her close her eyes and placed his hands over them to make sure she didn't peak while he led her over to the night's dinner. A picnic with all her favorite foods, his home-made chicken, her mom's baguettes, a simple salad and fruit cocktails for dessert, accompanied by a couple of bottles of beer.

He'd gotten the new prospects to set it up for him while they were at the movies. Looking it over it didn't seem like they'd forgotten anything but if they had there would be hell to pay for it.  
"Come on, Koz. I'm dying here you know." Lily smiled, she smelled something delicious but didn't really think that there would be a restaurant out here.  
"You're ready then?" He chuckled, amused by her impatiens.  
"You think?" She replied, jumping a little up and down. "What is it?"

Kozik took a small breath and moved his hands from her eyes as he took a step so he was next to her.  
"Ta-daa." He said and gestured to the blanket on the ground with the picnic-basket.

Lily's eyes widened and she just gawked at the sight in front of her. It was all so beautiful, the food smelled amazing and she realized that this might be the thing that pushed her over the edge. At the end of the night she would have fallen head over heels for this blond Son.  
They sat down and started eating, well talking more than eating actually, and the more they talked the closer they got and within a couple of hours Lily was leaning between Kozik's legs, back against his chest with his arms around her waist, her hand in his and their fingers entwined as if everything was back to normal again.

"Hey, look." Kozik kissed her temple and pointed at the sunset in front of them, feeling Lily sigh happily.  
"It's beautiful." She mumbled as she snuggled closer into his broad chest, the man not objecting to the intoxicating feeling that spread through his body from having her so close again.

_***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***_

"You know, I'm really glad we did this." Lily smiled as Kozik walked her up the front stairs to the house with her hand in his.  
"Me too." He sighed as he inched closer, slowly bringing his hands around her waist.

With a shy smile on her face Lily took a step towards him and snuck her arms in around his waist as well, feeling something fall to place in her heart as she did.

"Is this okay?" Kozik asked as his lips hovered over hers and her heart was beating so hard she could only nod. "I need to hear it, Lil. I'm sorry but I need to hear the words."  
"It's okay for you to kiss me now." She giggled and the biker didn't waste a second to bring his lips to hers.  
"Do you wanna come up?" The girl asked when the need to breath had gotten too great.  
"Yeah." Koz breathed heavily, leaning his forehead against Lily's.

"Are you gonna?"  
"You don't think we're moving a little too fast?"  
"Do you?" Lily smiled, running a finger down his torso but Kozik just groaned.  
"Would you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" She chuckled with an evil smile, seeing just how affected he was by her touch and couldn't help but move her hands a little lower.  
"That." He breathed and grabbed a hold of her hands. "Do you mind?"  
"Yes." She chuckled and pressed herself closer to him. "I mind an awful lot actually." She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, feeling how Kozik stopped fighting her and relaxed as she continued pressing more soft kisses against his lips.

She felt his hands gently caress their way down her lower back and placed themselves on her butt, his thumbs rubbing circles against the denim causing Lily's heart to speed up and her mind to go blank as she kissed him hungrily. His rough fingers were working miracles against the fabric and she found herself out of breath at the thought of him touching her like that without clothes on.

**Kozik's POV**

The way she fit perfectly in my arms made my heart hurt in happiness and although I wanted nothing than to make her mine once again I knew that couldn't happen tonight. It took all of my willpower to tear my lips away from her addicting ones and look into those killer-blue eyes that so desperately screamed for me to touch her.

"Lily, I'm sorry but I can't do this tonight." I sighed with my hands on her shoulders, stroking my thumbs over the fabric of her shirt.  
"Why not?" Her voice broke a little as if she was stopping herself from screaming at me.  
"I really would love to come inside with you, but not like this. Not on our first date... Believe it or not I know you, Lil, and I know that if I don't stop this here we will both regret it." I saw a hint of confusion in her eyes but it was quickly replaced with understanding, knowing deep down that what I'd said was true.

"I guess I should be a little mad, but thank you." She sighed. "For thinking about me."  
She stood on her toes and pressed a soft lingering kiss on my lips before going back down, turned away from me and unlocked the door. But before she went inside she turned back to me one last time.  
"I really did have a good time tonight."  
"Me too." I smiled and watched her close the door behind her. I turned my eyes to the star-filled sky, releasing a sigh of frustration as I did. I knew I'd done the right thing but it just seemed so wrong not to join her.

Deciding to get back to the clubhouse I got on my bike and started it up, throwing one last glance at the door she had entered before speeding down the street.

_***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***_

**A few hours later**

A rough pair of hands grabbed his collar and slammed him into the wall, the owner's eyes shooting firebolts into Kozik's skull.  
"What the hell happened? What did you do to her?" Tig growled as the guys were trying to tear him off of the man.  
"Tig, calm down man." Bobby argued as Happy and Opie managed to break the men up. "How do you even know he had something to do with it?" He continued, his hands up in a very Bobby-kind of way.

"Because he was with her before she collapsed! It had to be something he did, why else would she be laying unconscious in a hospital bed again?" Tig yelled, getting ready to jump the other man again but the sight of Tara walking through the corridor made him stop in his tracks.  
"At it again, Tig?" She smiled a little as she walked into the group. "You'll all be glad to know that Lily is fine and you can see her." The whole group moved towards the room but Tara stopped them.

"She wants to see Tig first."  
The previously fighting men looked at each other, well more like glared, before Tig walked past the good doctor and into the room where his girl was.

Thankfully Lily looked better than the last time she'd been in a hospital-bed but she still looked a little paler than usual as she sat up straight and motioned for him to come closer.  
The man took a seat at the side of the bed and waited for... Well, he didn't really knew.

"So..." Lily spoke, her voice sounding frighteningly similar to Gemma's silky one as her lips came up in a playful smirk. "When did you decide to accept Kozik as my Old man?"  
If Tig hadn't been able to hear his heartbeat thumping in his ear he could have sworn his heart had stopped and the only bright thing he could conger up was a stunned 'What?'.

"I'm back..." She smiled and shrugged with a small laugh. "Did you miss me, my dear brother?"

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**A/N: Was it a good chapter to come back with? I sure hope so :D  
I truly hope you enjoyed it!**


	24. My Second Heartbeat

**Trouble! – Chapter 24 – My Seconds Heartbeat**

**A/N: A little pointer here ;) Lily's memory is pretty much back to normal but conveniently enough her engagement-ring was lost in L.A along with the memory that she is in fact engaged to Kozik.  
Okay, now you can read! :D**

***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***

Lily's POV

Despite having known my brother my entire life nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.

Bright, shimmering tears making their way down his cheeks and with a desperation I had never seen in him before he threw himself from the chair and caught me in his arms, hugging me so hard I felt my ribs bruising but as the tears ran down my face I wouldn't have cared if he'd squeezed me to death. We were holding onto each other like a dying man to his last breath, both refusing to let the other go, not wanting to lose what we had miraculously gained again.

Our family.

Our reason to live was back, the fire in our hearts lit up and burned our insides as we cried in each others arms.

Deep inside we both knew that all the time in the world could never make up for the year we spent apart, nor the months before this very moment, no matter how hard our embrace was nor how sincere our tears were. We had lost so much that day and for the remainder of our lives we would always suffer from the lost time, that being said we would never let that loss dictate our love for each other nor our lives.

Tinkerbell and Tigger had been separated, and survived, and now we would build ourselves up together again.

"Lil..." Alex leaned back a little, enough for him to look into my eyes without me leaving his embrace. "Is this a dream?" He asked and I had to let out a small laugh that sounded more like a sob than anything else.

"No." I assured with a lopsided smile. "If it was I never would have brought up Kozik."

A second before it sunk in and then a smile appeared on his face and he pulled me into the hug again, one of his hands gently stroking my hair as he cried in relief.

"It's really you." He sobbed and I couldn't help but to run my fingers through his curls, relishing in the feeling of finally having him in my arms again. "You're back..." He sounded so broken and it brought me back to the day Alex had stepped into our old house again. When we were standing in the kitchen, embracing each other and just feeling safe again.

Back then he needed me and now he needed me just as much, maybe more.

"I'm sorry, Tinkerbell." He whispered and I had to strain myself to hear him. "The day after your birthday..." He took a shaky breath, still hiding his face in my hair but I let him, feeling he had to get it out. "I fucked up, Lil. I did the one thing I swore I would never do... I fucked up so bad..."

"It's okay." I hushed, stroking his hair but he sat up straight, held me at arms length and looked me square in the eyes.

"Don't you dare say that." His voice was low and gravelly, his eyes that deadly-blue color that only anger brought out. "Don't you say that you are ever okay with anyone raising a hand to you."

My eyes watered as I let the tiniest smile flash onto my lips. I had missed my brother so much!

"I'm not okay with it." I explained. "But I forgive you for it, as long as you never do it again." I ruffled his hair, my heart filled with joy at the childish pout that adorned his face.

"I'm the big brother here."

"Well, I'm just glad to have you back, big brother." I chuckled as I curled his hair around my fingers with a smile on my face.

***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***

Seeing him again I just couldn't stop myself from springing from the bed and run into his arms with the tears running furiously down my face.

He caught me like he always did, his strong arms finding their way around my smaller body as he too let a few tears out.

I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew.

Kozik knew I remembered him, the things we did, the way we loved.

Being in his arms again I felt so small, so fragile and so confused but it still brought a relief through my entire being that I never thought possible and clinging onto him like I'd wanted for so long I was finally able to feel his heart beat steadily in time with mine.

"Lil." He said my name and it was like my tears, along with my heart, stopped at that moment. I looked up into his stormy-gray eyes and felt my face flush at the love and intensity in them.

"I love you." I whispered as he wiped away the tears on my face and a smile came onto his lips at the words.

"I knew that." He whispered back and leaned down to gently kiss my lips. His taste alone was enough for goosebumps to spread across my body and as I threw my arms around his neck I felt him smile into the kiss before hoisting me up, automatically wrapping my legs around his hips and in so doing bringing my body as close to him as I possibly could.  
I wanted him close, closer than I'd ever wanted before. I needed him to fix me, fix the hole in my heart and he did that without even being asked. He held me just the way he I needed him to, rubbing soothing circles over my thighs as he kissed me tenderly.

And in that moment my life was complete again.

***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***

I looked down at my left wrist and grinned widely at the swelling that was starting to subside, allowing a better view of the crow spreading its wings across my skin. I felt an arm around my waist and looked up just in time to capture my, now official, Old Man's lips in a kiss.

"What do you think?" I asked, my voice showing how over the moon I felt over the ink on my skin.

"It's beautiful." He whispered as his lips traveled down my neck only to stop and press a kiss onto my collarbone. "Just like you."

"Will you lovebirds quit that before the rest of us gag?" Alex called out from behind the bar but the smile on his face took most of the seriousness out of his words.

"Oh, shut it, Tigger or I'm gonna tell everyone how you got that nickname." I stuck out my tongue at him, causing the clubhouse to laugh.

"You wouldn't dare, Lil." Alex warned but to prove my point I spun around, jumped in Kozik's arms and started kissing him, causing his baggy jeans to suddenly grow a lot less spacious.

"Oi, Princess! Better take care o' yer Old Man 'for he explodes." My favorite Scotsman yelled, immediately putting an ever bigger scowl on my brother's face as my man carried me off to one of the empty dorm rooms.

It had been nearly a week since my memory had returned and to be honest most of that time had been spent in bed, trying to make up for our three months without sex but so far the only thing that had been made up was excuses for not leaving the house.

Today had consisted of morning sex, breakfast, followed by a quicky in the shower before Kozik had to go in for work and I finally had my appointment with Happy to permanently make me an Old Lady.

The constant sneaking off was driving Alex insane but his taunting was never as serious as he made it out to be, he saw how happy Koz made me and he had agreed to drop his beef with my man the moment the two of them went inside the ring together.  
More than likely that would happen tonight and the excitement of a fight had always been able to get my blonde biker going, as so we ended up in a bed again for the second and probably not the last time today.

No matter how many times I made him cum inside of me, or how loud he could make me scream his name it just wasn't enough. I needed more of him, all of him!

Even though he didn't have to he'd stayed away from the croweaters and sweetbutts, literally gave up sex for three whole months. For me.

To me that was more proof than I could have ever asked for to show me just how much he loved me. He gave it up for one 4th of a year and seeing the pure ecstasy on his face as I let my tongue slide over the tip of his cock I was more than overjoyed to pay my man back for it.

I took great pride in knowing that I was the only one who could make him cum this hard, to make him lose himself completely and laying there on his chest, feeling my heart beat out of my ribcage, I was almost happy my memory had been lost in the first place.

That year in L.A had been alright but going through everything that brought me back to my roots I realized that I hadn't been happy. Our relationship had fallen into the classic career-trap, I was busy with my music and he was busy with settling in with the new charter and after a few months our playful banter had become less playful. We had literally become a married old couple, and not in a good way.

It hadn't been horrible or anything but we just hadn't been happy. Charming, no matter how small or outdated it may be, was where I needed to be and to tell the truth I knew Koz wouldn't have it any other way.

Tracing the ink I knew so well across his chest I placed a small kiss on his neck, feeling the chuckle vibrate in his chest as my hair tickled his skin.

"You have no idea how much I missed this, Lil." Without opening his eyes Kozik caught my hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing my knuckles sloppily. "How much I missed you." A kiss on my wrist just above the tattoo. "How much I love you." He opened his eyes and looked at me, his stormy eyes revealing just how true his feelings for me were.

I moved so that we were nose to nose and pecked him softly on the lips, enjoying the warmth that spread through me as I did.

"Guess you'll just have to keep telling me then." I whispered, running my hand through his hair, never breaking eye-contact. "Just how much you really love me."

He chuckled and kissed me.

"You know it's me and Tig in the ring tonight, right?" He said after a few moments of silence. I moved to lay on his chest again, synching my breathing with his.

"Yeah, I know." I whispered. Both he and Alex knew I wasn't all that happy about the idea of my Old Man and my brother beating each other to a pulp but what choice did I have? I wanted them to get along and if this was the only way that was gonna happen then let's just get it over with.

I felt a chuckle erupt in his chest and surprised I looked up only to find a mischievous grin on his face.

"What are you grinning like a fool for?" I asked, a little sharper than I'd planned but Kozik just grinned even wider, his eyes twinkling dangerously.

"I'm not grinning." His grin widened even further if that was even possible.

"You're totally grinning." I sat up and slapped his chest with a pout, causing him to laugh. "Now tell me why."

"Oh, it's nothing. You'll see soon enough." He answered cryptically and rolled out of bed just in time to avoid the pillow that was about to hit his face. God, I hated when he kept secrets from me!

"Get back here, I'm not finished with you!" I ran after him but he locked himself in the bathroom, laughingly explaining that he needed a shower while my pout grew bigger.

I knew I was acting like a baby but I couldn't help it, Koz brought that side out in me!

Sighing in defeat I picked up my scattered clothes and got dressed before getting in my car to drive home to take a shower as well. If he wanted to play games then I would play one too. I was going to find out what he was hiding from me if it was the last thing I did.

After finishing my shower I got dressed, picking out an outfit suitable for spending the day with my girls which turned out to be a pair of black heels, tight white jeans, a maroon camisole and a long-sleeved black and white top. Fixing my hair and putting on my make-up my thoughts kept going back to the clubhouse where Kozik no doubt was under the hood of some car, working with that shit-eating grin still on his face.

I knew it was silly but I'd almost expected him to propose this morning when he told me how much he loved me... It had just felt right, like it was natural that the question would come but it hadn't and it felt strange to think about it.

He was the guy for me, there were a lot of things that I was uncertain of in my life still but of him I was certain, I would never have gotten his crow on me if I wasn't. But right now I was unsure on whether or not we would stay like this forever, being just boyfriend and girlfriend and nothing more. I wanted a family and I knew Koz wanted the same but we hadn't really talked about it like it was to be a reality so you could see why I was a little confused.

Pushing all the whirling thoughts out of my head I pulled up in front of the Teller-Knowles residence before walking up to the door to ring the bell. A rushed looking Jax opened the door and invited me in before rushing into the house again, obviously searching for something.

"Tara?" I called as I entered the house, dropping my handbag on the small table by the door before entering the kitchen.

"Lily?" Tara came into the room with a crying and clinging Thomas in her arms, looking more stressed than I was used to see her. "I'm so sorry, but I'm not done yet!" She explained hurriedly. "The new sitter canceled so I called the garage and Phil is on his way but it might take a couple of minutes."

"It's okay, Tara." I sat down at the table. "Lyla called to say that she was a little late as well so we have no problem what so ever."

"But I haven't even gotten the time to take a shower yet." She nodded to the nearly hysteric toddler in her arms.

"And why can't Jax take him?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, my tone of voice would have made Gemma proud.

"Oh, you know how he is right now. He has to be at the club, it's pretty much all he thinks about." Tara sighed and I could tell just how tired she was.

"Well, why didn't you call me? You know I'm more than happy to take the kids for a couple of hours so you can have a life as well."

"It's not like that, I'm a mom now..." She tried but I interrupted her.

"Yeah, a working mom. With TWO sons and a grown up baby by the name of Jackson Teller." I was pleased to see her laugh. "So let me take Thomas and go get yourself ready. Go." She tried to say something but I stood up, gathered the toddler in my arms and pushed her gently to the door.

"Thank you." She smiled and exited the room, leaving my alone with the little guy who was still crying.

"Hey, little man." I caught his attention and he stared at me with his big brown eyes as the tears silently kept falling down his chubby cheeks. "Are you a little grumpy today, huh?" I started rocking him softly as I almost whispered the words to him. "You got that from your dad and your grandma I'm sure." He started giggling happily and I giggled back.

"Hey, don't be teaching my son something bad." Jax chuckled as he walked in the kitchen considerably calmer than before and grabbed a slice of bacon from the pan on the stove.

"Oh, I'm not. I'm just taking over the baby-shift for Tara so she can get ready." The biting tone in my voice was obvious and Jax turned to me, still chewing his bacon.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, his whole demeanor more serious than before.

"Jax." I placed Thomas on my lap and looked at his father. "I know you're busy with the club but you really should help Tara more around the house, she looks exhausted."

"Look, why don't you mind your own business for once." He snapped and I just stared at him in shock.

"What that supposed to mea... You know what, I'm not here to fight." I sighed, not wanting to get into with him right now. "All I'm saying is that taking care of two kids is hard work but if you split that work in two it might not seem so much anymore." Silence filled the room but before he could respond the doorbell rang and I got up to answer it.

"Lillian. Hi, it's good to see you." Phil greeted me politely when I opened the door for him and invited him into the house.

"Good to see you too, Phil. So you're on baby-duty today are you?" I asked as I closed the door behind us.

"Yeah, when Tara called and was all panicked about not having a sitter I couldn't leave her hanging, you know." I nodded. "Plus the little guy is so adorable I could die." His eyes shimmered in pure happiness as he reached for Thomas and the toddler laughed happily when he saw who it was who'd come to watch him.

"You really love kids don't you, Phil?" He nodded excitingly and that made me laugh as well. "Do you have any of your own?" I asked when I realized that I didn't really know that much about him.

"No, haven't found the right girl to have them with." He answered and I felt my heart swell a little at his words.

"You really are one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, do you know that?"

He tore his eyes from Thomas to look at me and I smiled when I saw him blush. Like I said, one of the sweetest guys!

"You're too kind, Lillian. Honestly, I'm just happy to be here."

"And you're too humble." I countered with a smile. "SAMCRO is lucky to have you. I can't wait 'til you patch in."

"Thank you." He smiled a bright innocent smile at me. "That means a lot."

"You're very welcome."

"Tara! Lily!" Lyla called as she entered the house with all three kids following right behind her. "Oh, there you are." She said surprised when she spotted us. "Sorry I yelled."

"Nah, it's okay. Phil and I were just talking, Tara should be finished in a minute or so and then we're all good to go." I explained and Lyla nodded before turning to the prospect.

"Hi there, Phil. I hope it's okay for you to take my little monsters as well, they shouldn't be all that much trouble."

Phil just beamed even more and shook his head in happiness.

"Of course, anything you need, Lyla."

"Hey, where's Jules?" Lyla asked as she looked around and failed to find our blonde friend.

"She just came home from Paris this morning, a big photoshoot for some magazine, so she'll be joining us tonight instead."

"Oh, I see..."

"Hey, prospect!" Jax called in a stern voice when he came into our line of sight. "If anything happens to the kids I will have your balls before handing you over to Happy. Do you understand?" The VP shoved a finger in the bigger man's chest but despite his size Phil seemed to shrink in the presence of the patched Son.

"Yes, sir. I understand, sir." His response was almost timid but still filled with the outmost respect for his VP.

"Good, Ratboy will come with you girls. He's waiting outside, no?" Jax looked at Phil who simply nodded.

"Jackson, is it really necessary to..." I started but one look from the blonde man made me not want to continue that sentence anymore.

He gave both me and Lyla a hug before leaving the house and although I still felt that the prospect following us was overkill I knew where Jax's head was.

After Donna was killed, Tara got kidnapped and I was taken the guys didn't even bother pretending not to be overprotecting anymore. They had lost too much already and having three Old Ladies together out shopping was pretty much begging for someone to hurt them.

Sure, the Mayans and Sons had called a truce and the Nords were just a bunch of racist cowards but that hadn't stopped any of us from getting hurt in the past so, in the end we were stuck with the prospect.

5 minutes later we were out of there, leaving a still beaming Phil with the five kids, and Ratz trailing behind us on his Harley. The prospect was a nice guy, fairly normal by the looks of it and boy did I miss that sometimes about the club. To be quite honest deep down most of the guys were a bunch of sexist alpha males with every inch of them just oozing testosterone so a guy like Ratz who was very respectful towards all the girls, Old Lady or sweetbutt, but still knew how to make us smile was good to have around. He was a really sweet guy who, just like Phil, could always be counted on and it would be nice to have them patched in sometime in the near future.

The day was spent at the mall in Oakland, shopping, eating and talking like crazy women, all of us enjoying a day away from the drama that was Charming. At some point Ratz had stopped being our tail and had been tricked into joining our many conversations, something he'd seemed reluctant to at first but once we convinced him it would seem less suspicious if he was part of the group, he more than willingly joined in on the subject as to what kind of bra was more attractive on a girl as we took the conversation into the lingerie-store.

* * *

_**A/N: There! New chapter is up with an apology, I hope that you haven't suffered all too much from the lack of posting but it's up now and I truly hope you enjoyed it! If you did, be sure to let me know so that I can get inspired for the next one ;)**_

_**Thanx for reading!**_


	25. This will be a fight to remember

**Chapter 25 – This will be a fight to remember**

Walking into the clubhouse that night, despite everything I thought about the upcoming fight, I felt my pulse start to elevate in excitement as I took in the atmosphere.

Sweet music blared from the speakers, people were dancing and drinking and having a good time, some croweater swinging her almost bare ass to the bass up by the stripper pole. Yep, a true SAMCRO-party, that's what this was!

"Lillian!" A slightly intoxicated Bobby made his way across the room to give me a big bear hug. "You're looking exceptionally good tonight, showing off for your old man?" 

I looked down at what I was wearing with a grin: high heels as usual, skinny jeans that hugged every curve just so and my favorite push up bra underneath a barely see-through top that left just enough to imagination.

My hair was curled and I felt like a million bucks, let's see if Kozik could keep his secret from me now! 

"You know it, Elvis." I smiled at him and then gladly waved at Jules who was walking towards me glued to Happy, his arm possessively around her waist but the overjoyed smile on her face showed how little she minded it.

"Hi, Tinkerbell!" She called, releasing herself from her man's arm to embrace me. "You're not drinking." She said accusingly and grabbed the bottle of beer from Happy's hand before shoving it into mine. "Here, drink."

"That was mine." Happy's raspy voice sounded annoyed but Jules just looked at him.

"Well, now it's Lily's." She simply said even though the growl that followed had me ready to give it back to him. 

I might have had history with the man and I considered him one of my friends, don't get me wrong, but he still scared the living shit out of me when he wanted.

Happy grabbed a firm hold of Jules' hair and pulled her so close that she had to strain her neck in order to be able to look him in the eyes.

"You are so lucky I love you." His voice was low and rough and Jules had the biggest smile on her lips as she stood on her tippytoes to kiss him.

"And don't I know it." 

"I'm starting to think I'm needed elsewhere." I laughed at the couple who, in their own very special way, were cuddling their brains out in front of me and so I took my beer and headed outside where some of the prospects were starting to warm up the ring for the night's main event.

I could see Kozik noticing me from across the lot but didn't pay any attention to him. Let the games begin, I thought to myself!  
So I went around, making conversations and greeting my friends and family, trying not to gloat too much at how obsessively my Old Man followed my every move.

Finishing my beer I made sure to show off my ass when I bent down to get another one from a cooler and I had to fight hard not to grin when I felt a familiar pair of hands grasping my hips.

"Are you showing off that sweet ass on purpose, Lily?" My man's dark voice sounded in my ear and I could feel the delicious shudder making its way through my body as he traced the curve of my butt, his long ring-clad fingers stroking the sensitive backs of my thighs.

"Feel like telling me your secret now?" I gathered every last ounce of self-restraint left in my body and rubbed against him, determined to win this game!

He let out a sound that sounded like a cross between a groan and a laugh and I could feel him tense against me as he sighed tiredly. 

"Seriously Lil, is that why you're doing this?" He took a small step back so that he wasn't glued to me anymore.

"What can I say? I don't like it when you keep secrets from me." I turned around and beamed up at him, something that got the hint of a smile back on his face.

"I get that. But you're playing dirty, my little lady." He pushed a curl behind my ear and looked into my eyes with those stormy gray orbs that always seemed to be looking into my very soul.

"It was the only way to get you to spill the beans." I smiled.

"I have spilled no beans, Lil."

"I know but it was worth a shot." I leaned up and kissed him, feeling childishly happy when he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close.  
He made me feel so free, so overjoyed to be alive that I decided to put my game-plans behind me. As long as I had him I didn't need anything else. 

"You ready to get your ass kicked, Pixie-boy?" Alex walked up to us with a cocky grin on his face and although I felt Kozik stiffen slightly he answered back with a smug smile.

"I could ask you the same thing, Tigger."

Smiling at their rivalry, that was growing more and more into something similar to that between two siblings, I pulled away from my man and leaned over to hug my brother.

"I can tell you two are excited about tonight, any particular reason for that?" I asked once I let go of my brother, just in time to see them share a look of understanding. Like they were sealing some kind of deal with that one look.

"No reason." They both said in complete unison with avoiding looks on their faces, something that had me a little unnerved.

"Ooookay... Well, it's almost time. You should go get ready." I said before kissing them both on the cheek and went to find Gemma, trying to push every suspecting thought out of my pretty head.

If they wanted to play the "hide-something-from-Lily"-game then they could do it by themselves, I saw no point in trying to get it out of them.

Separately I might have been able to do it but when those two had something going together discussing with a brick wall would have been more rewarding.

"Hey darlin'." Gemma hugged me as I went to stand next to her a little further from the boxing ring. "Excited about tonight?" She asked but frowned when I said nothing. "What's eating you, sweetheart?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"I don't know, it's just been one of those days I guess." I caught her looking at me funny out of the corner of my eye and for a brief second I wondered what was with people today.

"If you say so." Gemma simply said and turned her eyes back to the ring where the two main fighters of the night had just entered and were warming up.

"Begin."

Bobby jumped out of the ring as soon as he'd spoken the words and lucky for him because the two men were not paying attention to anything besides the man in front of him, wanting to kick the living shit out of him.

The crowd was going crazy, screaming and cheering as Tig landed a good punch to Kozik's face only to go even louder when the blonde responded by sending a fist flying into the other's ribs.

They circled each other, not even bothering to guard themselves as the punches flew. This was a match to see who would cave first and knowing them both I knew that this was going to be a long night.

Gemma looked over at me and noticed that whilst I was watching the fight intently I wasn't making any noise.

"Why aren't you cheering?" She asked without taking her eyes off the match.

"And who do you propose I cheer for? If I cheer for either one of them the other is just going to go crazy, so what's the point?... What's so important that they have to go to this extreme to get it?" I asked after a second, suddenly feeling so tired of all the drama around here.

"You really don't know?" Gemma asked seriously causing me to look at her.

"No." I answered. "I don't." 

Gemma didn't say anything more. Neither did I.

We both went back to watching the fight, me flinching every time either one of them landed a punch and Gemma smiling at the intensity with which they fought.

Punch after punch was thrown but both of the fighters were still standing and with no intention to stop until the other one was down.

Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the whole entire lot fell into silence as Kozik's fist lodged itself in Alex' face with such power it sent my brother to the floor.

Not a sound was made as we all waited to see what would happen next but even though he tried Alex was down for the count and Bobby jumped in to call the match, trying to make himself heard above the noise the crowd was now making.

I found myself clapping my hands as my man grinned widely in the ring, pulling my bloody brother to his feet before asking him something I couldn't hear.

Alex nodded his head with a smile, the kind of smile he only had after a good fight. 

"Alright, I have something I wanna say!" Kozik raised his voice above the noise and the crowd quieted down almost completely.

"Lillian!" He yelled and I can tell you he now had my complete attention. "Will you marry me?"

Again the entire lot drew for breath and I was no exception. Every single face was turned to me and in the corner of my eye I could see Gemma, knowingly smirking at me.

It felt like an eternity before I could find my voice but when I did, it was with tears in my eyes that I answered him.

"Hell yeah!" I screamed at him and again the lot was filled with cheers, a little less violent this time. 

Jumping out of the ring Kozik jogged up to me and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him happily. I could taste the blood on him and I could only imagine how we looked together at that moment, him beaten and bloody and me crying in happiness. 

I was happy. I was complete. I was with my family and I was safe, nothing could even so much as touch me anymore. 

***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***

**New chapter's up! Wiiii :D**

**And after this there will be an epilogue because I couldn't seem to fit it into the story any other way.**

**See you there!**


	26. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

It wasn't until that day I realized that I was still scarred from what had happened to me.

One call was all it took to bring it all out.

I was in the kitchen that morning, satisfying my cravings for chocolate pancakes, when my cell phone rang. Happily I skipped to the phone and answered it, I blamed my constant skipping on the hormones.

"We found him Lily."

Alex didn't have to say anything else. I understood what he meant.

Trying to steady my beating heart I pulled myself together and spoke in the calmest voice I could muster up.

"Where is he?"

"He's at the cabin, with us."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes." I could hear my brother begin to protest but I didn't give him the time to continue as I hung up.

Taking the pan with the pancakes off the stove I stuffed my cell in my pocket, got the keys to my car and barely had the time to rip my coat from the hanger by the door before I was heading down the street, just keeping under the speed limit.

Seeing him again wasn't what I thought it would be. I always imagined I'd be scared, lost or even angry... But seeing him tied to that chair in the empty barn, looking like Happy had just begun to sunk his teeth into him I just felt... Empty.

Like it wasn't finished yet.

"Lil, you shouldn't be here." My brother met me at the door.

"If anyone should be here, Alex, it's me." I just looked at him, knowing that there was no other place I was meant to be.

I snuck a glance at Happy to see if he would protest along with my brother but as usual he trusted my judgment enough not to say anything.

"I think she's right, Tig." Koz placed a hand on Alex' shoulder when he came up to us. "If this is what you need to be done with it then so be it." He spoke to me and I mouthed a quiet _"Thank you" _to him which he answered with a small smile.

And so I just sat there through it all. I watched every single thing Happy did to him and I heard every scream that came out of Kyle's mouth.

I could feel my unborn child kicking up a storm but when I softly rubbed my belly he, or she, eased up. Watching the events that took place should have made me sick to my stomach but this was what I needed, I knew he deserved every single thing my boys did to him and I would be lying if I said that I didn't find it satisfying watching him bleed while pleading for his life.

"I wanna do it." I said when the torture had gone on for hours and hours and Happy begun to ready his weapon to end it all.

All three Sons looked at me, gauging how serious I was, but when I didn't give them a reason to doubt me Happy reached the gun to me.

"Do what you have to do." His gravelly words echoed in the silence of the barn, such a contrast to when the screams had filled it.

Neither Alex nor Kozik said anything but I knew they didn't like it. They weren't stupid enough to try and stop me but I could tell they were as against it as you could possibly be.

Lifting the gun to his head I could feel the memories flooding through my head as I relived them all. The knife leaving scars all over my body, the beatings, the rapes...

"I'll see you in hell, Kyle."

One shot.

That was all it took for him to be gone from my life. From the world.

I didn't feel different.

I had killed a man and I felt nothing. I didn't think of his kids who had just lost their father, I didn't think of how my kid now had a murderer for a mother.

All I did feel though was relief.

The feeling of not having to look over my shoulder every waken moment was exhilarating and it was with a calm smile that I handed the gun back to Hap before turning to my brother and husband.

"Let's go home."

Two days later our first daughter, Alexandra, was born and much to her uncle's surprise Kozik suggested we name her after him.

She grew up to be a rebel just like the man she was named after, trying anything and everything at least once but never lost sight of her family and what was really important.

Two years after Alexandra was born came Daniel, our first and only son. He was a sweet kid and had inherited all of his father's charm and my pigheadedness, along with my interest in cooking which he later turned into a very successful career in New York.

Four years after Daniel came our second daughter and everyone's little princess, Taylor. She was the cutest little girl you had ever seen and she had the brains to use it to her advantage, before she could even walk.

Like her siblings she was successful at anything she truly put her mind into and went to Brown to become a lawyer.

Despite everything that happened around the MC-life we were a very happy family.

Sure we weren't all perfect, but really. Who would want to be perfect?

This was my story and I hope you enjoyed it!

Until we met again.

Sincerely yours

Lily Trager, singer, song-writer, mother and Old Lady 

***SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA**SOA***

**This was the last chapter to Trouble, it's sad to have this end but I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I have.**

**Thanks to all of you wonderful people who have liked this and followed it, your support has kept this story floating.**

**This chapter was to all of you!**

**Until next time**

**The End**


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